MIL telling ds age 3 not to cry

[Stephthegreat]

Ds is 3 and will sometimes have a meltdown (over tiredness or noisy environments usually). He cries and at home we comfort him,hugs and try to calm him down.usually he’s ok after a few minutes.

MIL has been babysitting a few nights a week while I’m on a course and dh is at work.If ds cries she tells him that he’s a big boy and big boys don’t cry,put your tears in your pocket,etc.the idea seems to be that crying is bad and ds has started feeling bad about it.Yesterday he said to me before MIL came,it’s ok mummy I’m not going to cry this time.I said it’s ok to cry,everyone cries when they’re upset mummy does and so does daddy.

He becomes quite closed off before MIL arrives.ive talked to MIL about it and she is very old fashioned and quite brusque about.

AIBU here to think it’s a bit mean to tell a very young child not to cry?

Why are some posters determined to turn this isn't a patriarchy-bashing thread?

"It’s the linking to gender. The “big boys don’t cry” attitude."

"It's certainly reinforcing norms of toxic masculinity"

She was talking to a boy, for fucks sake. Should she have said "little children of either sex, no we don't say gender because that's a societal construct, don't cry"?

I am not sure I understand what learning you don't always get your way has to do with being told to stop crying, you can teach a child the don't always get their own way, well, by not letting them getting their own way all the time!

but after you have said no to something, you could still say to the crying child something like, sorry, I know you are disappointed but this my decision for this or that reason

surely it's only if you give in because they are crying that they are not learning their lesson, if you don't give in, they will learn soon enough that crying gets them nothing and stop it if they are just putting it on, but will also know their feelings are respected and validated if instead they truly are sad

he is 3, still really little! I wouldn't like it either OP!