Hi all, really needing some insight into this situation:
My in-laws of 3 years are bone fide narcissists. They're controlling of everyone and have treated me like dirt ever since I married their only son- who they also mistreat. In the early days of marriage, I went over and beyond what I should've done to win them over and contact them when they were blanking me, etc. and eventually their rejection, lies and rudeness (eg. refusing to use my name and referring to me as 'her' 'she' 'it', spreading rumours about me, not telling us when someone in the extended family had got married, been born, had died, telling my husband to watch himself around me as I was out to ruin him and other horrid, horrid stuff) got so bad that I decided to go NC with them all- my PILs, SILs, etc. The only contact I still have with them is at family events, such as weddings, where after a verrrry brief and polite greeting, me and DH will sit separately and do our own thing while they sit and glare at me. My DH will call his mum every so often and go over to visit them all. DH knows what they're like and has got used to their abuse but is good at taking what he needs- a shared history and that feeling of belonging he gets- from them and ignoring their rubbish. He's been wonderful in supporting me against their abuse though and I can't fault him.
Anyway, we've recently found out we're expecting our first baby and are over the moon. Although we've shared the news with friends and work colleagues, I'm reluctant to share the news with the in laws. They don't like me and want nothing to do with me and have made that very clear. I feel they have nothing of value to add to my/our life and don't want our kids to be exposed to any of their negativity. My mum died when I was 10, my dad was a violent and abusive man, I was severely mistreated by my siblings (they new I was vulnerable and took advantage of me in their own ways) so I know what it feels like to be lost and confused child. I've had years of counselling and have tried very hard to prioritise my mental health and well-being and don't want the in laws to use our children to get back at me- despite what my husband says, they WILL try to do this. My husband is really upset though and wants to tell his parents as he thinks we'll be sabotaging any opportunity for us to make up in the future (not that I will). He also thinks that if we wait to tell them once the baby is here, they'll kick up a bigger stink but I don't care. I was/am kept in the dark about lots of events in their family and they think that's okay so why should I share our news to appease them?! Friends also think IBU as they feel news of grandchildren will melt their hearts and I shouldn't keep this news from them.
Please don't hold back and tell me as it is- AIBU or should I stick to my guns?
FWIW, I have started sharing the news with some of my siblings- it's taken us years but we're now at the stage where we try to be neutral and pleasant with one another. It's all superficial but at least they show an interest and pretend to care!