To think that people bringing kids along is annoying

[thegreenhen]

I have a pub lunch planned this weekend with 2 ex colleagues, it's been planned for a few weeks.

I have an adult child, my other colleague has no kids and the other has a 14 year old.

The friend with the 14 year old has asked if her daughter can also join us as it will save her an extra 10 min car journey later in the day(?!).

I've got nothing against the girl but it completely changes the dynamics of the meet up when people do this. I had another friend who would invite her teenage daughter along to every meal, coffee etc. and in the end I had to say something along the lines of "shall we just have an adult only lunch this time?".

I completely understand if people have very young kids and can't get babysitters etc but this isn't the case on this occasion.

Toddler, teenager, potato, patatoe.

They're all kids and the reason you are going out is to have adult conversation.

Please don't make this about the OP. She is the reasonable one here!

That's weird. This exact scenario was posted on mn awhile back. New trend?

It would not bother me at all

It's weird to be so inflexible, imo

I used to sit with my mum and her friends when they were round. The chat was always quite gossipy and entertaining. My mum would eventually tell me to clear off

Mybe she'll sit in the car on her phone so won't be with you.

It seems odd that your colleague would want to do this - drag a 14 year old somewhere she almost certainly doesn't want to be and make an adult meal out with friends into more of a family outing all for the sake of a 10-minute car journey). It almost seems like a defensive tactic. Could there be something else going on? Might she be finding the meet up a bit of an obligation rather than something she's looking forward to? Alternatively, there could be an issue with her DD that she just doesn't want to talk about, but which means she can't really leave her alone right now - in which case it's a bit like the toddler situation you are more understanding of.

I was in the same situation once, arrange a grown up get together, was expected to be silly, typical menopausal women moaning so was really surprised when one showed up with her teenager son. I was a bit annoyed but then assumed he would just go and do his own things, but not only did he sat there, but got very interested in our discussions (which inevitably was a lot more restrained than planned). I was both impressed she had a son so in touch with his feminine side and so socially comfortable, but on the other hand, I felt quite invaded and wanted to tell him to bugger off!

Really bugs me when this happens, but find it very hard to say "no" if asked if I mind. It does change the dynamic of an event.

How annoying! If the friend doesn’t take the hint if you say things like ‘when are you free for an adults only lunch’ or ‘what a shame Sunday no longer works as you need to do lifts for DD, let’s rearrange, let me know when you’re free’ then maybe this needs to be a friend you only arrange evening meet-ups with instead. Some people just don’t get it but you definitely can’t take a 14 year old to a bar on a Friday night!!

Yup annoying.
I'm still trying to get my friends logic. We were meeting up for a walk. I left my older child at home for some 121 time but took my baby in the pram. With the logic all conversation will be way over babys head and he was too small for the play park.
My friend commented Oh if I'd known you were bringing kids I'd have brought mine. Hers was about 6 so would have changed the dynamics and probably ended up with us in a play park..

I’d do what a pp said and ask to rearrange for when she doesn’t have childcare issues. Bloody pain in the arse, frankly, I have mates with two older teenagers who always tag along. It’s such a pain. We have to talk to and about the kids. I’m friends with the adults, not their kids!

I've read this before. Must be a common issue. Would it be much different between ex work colleagues just because she asked to bring her dd. The last time in the previous thread the op was complaining about a bill being split.