Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think that people bringing kids along is annoying

37 replies

thegreenhen · 10/04/2018 12:33

I have a pub lunch planned this weekend with 2 ex colleagues, it's been planned for a few weeks.

I have an adult child, my other colleague has no kids and the other has a 14 year old.

The friend with the 14 year old has asked if her daughter can also join us as it will save her an extra 10 min car journey later in the day(?!).

I've got nothing against the girl but it completely changes the dynamics of the meet up when people do this. I had another friend who would invite her teenage daughter along to every meal, coffee etc. and in the end I had to say something along the lines of "shall we just have an adult only lunch this time?".

I completely understand if people have very young kids and can't get babysitters etc but this isn't the case on this occasion.

OP posts:

Dancingleopard · 10/04/2018 12:34

Yes !! I have three dc so when I go out I’m escaping! I don’t want to then spend my time with some one else’s kids!

Seeline · 10/04/2018 12:34

She'll sit in the corner and sulk, play on her phone and ignore you all. I wouldn't worry.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 10/04/2018 12:35

YANBU I know someone who does this. She never goes anywhere without her teenaged dd and gets upset if anyone swears or says anything smutty in front of her.

It's very annoying when you just want a grown up chat.

PinkCalluna · 10/04/2018 12:36

I agree it changes the dynamics. However if you didn’t want her to come you did have the opportunity to say no.

Say no next time. It’s not rude. It’s better to be honest than seething with resentment.

Shedmicehugh1 · 10/04/2018 12:37

Just say you would rather she didn’t?

Aprilmightmemynewname · 10/04/2018 12:37

Years ago me and exh +2 other couples used to take turns choosing the venue for a meal out. 1 constantly chose bloody Brewster's - one time too many and I faked a migraine and went home!!
Some people just don't appreciate child free time!!

AChickenCalledKorma · 10/04/2018 12:38

Poor girl - I can't imagine she really wants to be there either. And yes, I'd be really annoyed; it would totally change the nature of the occasion.

CircleofWillis · 10/04/2018 12:38

She did ask. You could just say you'd rather have an adult only catch up.

halfwitpicker · 10/04/2018 12:39

Er, no, she's not allowed. Will totally change the dynamic.

CookPassBabtridge · 10/04/2018 12:50

As others have said, either say adult only or hope she will be on her phone the whole time! Though when my mum had her friends around when I was that age, they never used to hold back in their conversation

chickenowner · 10/04/2018 13:02

I find it really annoying when people do this. I'm an early years teacher so spend a lot of time with children and need child-free time sometimes.

I had one (former) friend tell me (not ask) she would be bringing her 4 year old along to a curry night. I said that it was adults only and she was very passive aggressive about it, talking about my 'anti-child policy'. I haven't invited her since!

Bluelady · 10/04/2018 13:05

It's incredibly annoying. I have a friend who not only brings her daughter but her bloody dog - on a coffee/shopping trip in central London! If she's part of the group I just don't go now.

RunMummyRun68 · 10/04/2018 13:09

I can't see how a teenager is a problem. She won't want to engage much..., her phone/iPad will probably be with her

5foot5 · 10/04/2018 13:10

I completely understand if people have very young kids and can't get babysitters etc but this isn't the case on this occasion.

Well YANBU but I do find it odd that you would be understanding and probably more ready to accept the very young kids than the teenager. Personally I would find the teenager much less hassle than somebodies little ones. That would really change the dynamic and prevent a good catch up with your friend.

SandAndSea · 10/04/2018 13:12

Sooo annoying!!!

All of my friends' daughters are fab but there's no doubt it changes the dynamic and you just can't talk in the same way. (I can think of one exception but that's only because her daughter is now grown up and is really good, intelligent company. This wasn't the case 10-15 years ago.)

One of my friends met up with me for the first time in years (we live far apart now) and, without warning, brought her teenage daughter along, explaining that she was going to sit and read her book. She did - with occasional deep sighing, presumably because our chat was disturbing her reading!!

I mean really, what are women thinking when they do this?

Just no!

gamerchick · 10/04/2018 13:12

That’s why I meet my friends for a game of bingo. Can’t say bugger all about it then

BarbarianMum · 10/04/2018 13:13

If it bothers you say no. She isn't being unreasonable to ask.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 10/04/2018 13:13

On a couple of occasions in the past I have said "Well, why don't we cancel and rearrange for a date that's more convenient for you, when you don't have childcare commitments." On one occasion she suddenly didn't need to bring a child and on the other it was cancelled and never rearranged (different people on each occasion).

Original poster

thegreenhen · 10/04/2018 13:14

@5foot5

It's not that I would enjoy the company of toddlers more than a teenager but there would be a justifiable reason for them being there whereas there isn't for a 14 year old.

OP posts:

FrancisCrawford · 10/04/2018 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1486915549 · 10/04/2018 13:29

Hell no , just say no !
I had a rare meet up with an old friend in London ( long and expensive train journey for me ). Without any warning she pitched up with her 15 year old son. Even worse she said “ oh I’ve promised DS we can lunch at his favourite fish restaurant in Knightsbridge “.
Errr NO 1) it was incredibly expensive 2) I don’t eat fish and she knows it.
Ruined the whole day because he then sulked as he didn’t get his own way.

Willow2017 · 10/04/2018 14:32

Good god i have enough trouble getting my teen ds to go anywhere with me! Meeting up with other 'boring adults' would be his idea of hell 😀

Just say "No its my adult time away from kids. I want to have adult conversations not fit things around your dd. I am sure your dd would be bored to death anyway."

She wants her dd included for the whole meet up just for the sake of 10 minutes driving?! Selfish.

TammySwansonTwo · 10/04/2018 14:36

I assumed this would be about younger kids, and frankly my attitude there is just don’t have mates with young kids - I can’t go anywhere without my twins, so if anyone has a problem with it they won’t be seeing me for several years!

14 though? No need for that at all.

kittycat84 · 10/04/2018 16:39

I hate it aswell, met a friend for coffee the other day, whilst I was on the way she text to say did I mind if she brought her 2 kids, there 10 and 8, obv they did not want to be there!
Spent the whole hour with them talking and moaning and running around, they were just bored! Of course they would be! Left tired! And hardy spoke to my friend, there on half term! It was my one day off! 🙄

AChickenCalledKorma · 10/04/2018 18:11

Definitely don't rely on the 14yo being on her phone the whole time. I have a 15yo who would undoubtedly try and join in the conversation and steer it round to her interests. She likes to loiter in the kitchen when I'm having coffee with a friend. Now we go out .

Flip

1 2