In admitting defeat and wanting to give up

[ICantCopeAnymore]

I can't cope any more. I've NC for this.

I'm disabled and have had to give up my career so am now on PIP max for both elements. DH works full time but earns minimum wage so we are really struggling to pay bills, buy food etc.

He does everything, cooks, laundry, school runs etc. He is also very ill with a few things and bad spinal issues but he battles on.

I also have mental health problems. The state of the house is making my physically sick. We have a fair few pets from before I got ill, and can't keep the house clean enough.

I try my best, I really do, but I can't do big things like hoover, mop etc. DH comes in from work, cooks, washes up, does laundry and is exhausted after he's washed me and got me and DD ready for bed.

My furniture is shredded and stained, the kitchen walls are muddy and peeling, the floor is always muddy because of the dogs, as our back garden is a mud pit from hell, there is a layer of hair over everything despite hoovering daily, there's mould in the upstairs wardrobes, everywhere needs decorating and updating and I'm absolutely dreading the summer as we can no longer cut the grass.

There is literally no help. Social services have installed a bath lift. That's it. There are no options with the council as they don't do help in our area. There are no local charities. We can't afford to eat let alone pay a cleaner or gardener.

I've gone from an intelligent, successful career woman with an idyllic life, to a wailing, fat, disabled mess who lives in bed in a stinking hovel.

I literally don't know what to do any more

I hope some of the ideas given have helped you a little. It’s difficult to put ourselves in your shoes when we are able bodied. I think if you can get yourself strong mentally that will be a massive step forward. I’ve had some emotional challenges over the last few years and it really brings you down. If you would like an email pen pal then please pm me.

They have Sammy! Yes, my mental health is letting me down at the moment which really doesn't help matters. Thank you so much!

In other news, I've just seen a Shark hoover on the TV. I need one don't I?? Imagine how easy it would be for me to do some hoovering even from my chair, with a lightweight, cordless cleaner! I'll be attempting to squirrel away a fiver a week until I can get one. I think it would be life changing.

Unfortunately I can't have a dishwasher. There isn't room for one and I don't think there'd be plumbing either, although I do have a washing machine. There might possible be room for a skinny one, if I lose a thin cupboard.

Op I really feel for you. I'm not sure if any of these would work for you, but thought I'd suggest them in case:

• can you reduce your furniture (more stuff feels messier to me) and replace broken/worn out stuff using freecycle/charity shops/eBay etc?
• it might be easier to clean if you have wooden floors rather than carpets - and carpets are always needing cleaning - is there scope for taking up carpets?
• can you use a stairgate or similar to keep the dogs in the kitchen/hall until they're clean enough not to drag mud etc in?
• for window covering, what about voile panels and extendable poles? You get privacy and light this way
• you may be able to get a dishwasher at a local BHF shop or second hand another way. Dishwasher changed my life! I think it's worth losing a cupboard for - and if you have a washing machine you should have plumbing that can be modified.
• can you rope your DH and children into a cleaning day, including painting the living room? If it's done in one day it may not feel too big a task. And once one room is done (especially one you spend a lot of time in), you'll feel better.
• do you have a local Facebook group where you may be able to ask for help etc?
• I would definitely write a list of small, achievable goals. Including daily goals on a routine basis if you can.

I'm sorry you're in this position, your mental health particularly. If you were closer I'd come and help you myself. Please keep posting if it will help you.

Yes, reducing furniture possibly, it's mainly the chair that bothers me as it's tatty. Maybe I could have it reupholstered but not sure how much it would cost.

Wooden floors would be extortionate, plus we do have a carpet cleaner that DH will use every few months. Baby gate already on the kitchen The dogs only come onto carpets when dry and clean. They're lucky enough to have an outhouse type room joined onto the back door to sleep in too if they choose. My older dog likes to sleep out there as the boiler is in there and he can cuddle under it.

Are those the poles that just use the window frame to attach? Like a shower pole? That's a fab idea, thanks! Voile would be nice in the bedroom.

A dishwasher would honestly be absolutely fantastic. It's DH's worst job as it it painful for him. I'll measure my cupboard to see if it's doable.

I can certainly nag about painting. I'm sure I have a tin of white here, so would just be one coat as lost downstairs walls are already white. The gloss needs doing, but I could do that in steps I think.

Thank you so much :)

It’s disgraceful how you’re being left to flounder like this. How old is your daughter? Could she help with cleaning, decluttering etc? She could help with painting if she’s old enough - I used to love painting walls when I was about 10.

And yes to to Shark cordless vac - if it’s the lightweight carpet cleaner style one I have one as it’s great for picking up the hay my pets spill - I actually use it way more than my Dyson.

Dishwasher is the kind of thing id try my council for as a disability adaptation. Like getting blood from a stone but community ot team is where you ask in ours. Most inefficient system imaginable, but worth a try. Especially as youll need the cupboard repurposed, im not sure if that would add to the cost.

OP, I don't comment very much, but just came on to say how much I admire your attitude and determination in the face of tricky circumstances. Remember, 'this too will pass'.

Wishing you all the very best and I do hope that things look sunnier soon. Give your dogs and cats an extra cuddle from me, I know how important animals are when things are tough.

Can you pay for a one off deep clean and then just try to keep on top of things. Can you get a benefit check done to make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to. Pip is designed to pay for the extra costs associated with a long term disability. if you have given u work recently , are you entitled to contributions based ESA also ? I agree it's not an option to give up pets.
Hope things improve for you soon.

DD is 9 and runs the hoover round, dusts, does the dishes now and again.

As above, I've had a benefit check, not entitled to anything bar PIP.

Thank you Thistle :) I have very happy cats as my back has given out so I'm in bed and they're lounging with company.

I've decided to reupholster the tatty chair. I have absolutely no idea how, but the decision alone has made me feel happier :)