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Original poster

"Lorries are for boys"

83 replies

Ketayuzu · 10/04/2018 10:17

My 2.5yr old DD said that this morning while putting on her new top (covered in lorries, diggers and cranes). She'd only put it on when I pointed out the tractor (aparently tractors are different)
I don't know where it's come from- she loves lorries (we frequently are late for nursery when any lorry is loading or unloading near our house as she won't get in the car until its all finished. )
She loves dolls too and plays with them lots at nursery i know.
Apart from me and her dad she's only really left alone at nursery so it must have come from there. I don't want to be 'that mum' but should I mention it??

OP posts:
PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 10/04/2018 15:38

I think "lorries are for boys" comes from other children, and that they get it from their parents. A boy in DS2's class really saddened me, we met him at an event in the park, DS2 had his face painted as Spiderman, I asked his friend if he was getting his face painted, he said, "No, my dad says it's for girls." Sad

Jaxhog · 10/04/2018 15:39

I never forgave my dad for telling me I couldn't have a meccano set because it was 'a boys toy'. He hated that my little bro loved his action man because it was 'a doll'. I'd rather hoped attitudes had changed, and that we now allow kids to play with whatever toys they want to - regardless of whether it's a traditional boy or girls toy.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 10/04/2018 15:43

I've never heard of that pitterpatter! ShockAngry

pitterpatterrain · 10/04/2018 15:53

Morphene I don't disagree - it's pretty unfortunate, yet the more you look for this like a PP mentioned the more you see

We recently had a work half day training session on unconscious bias etc. And even in that context the facilitator still used "girls" to refer to the women in the room, no use of boys, and talked about "all you girls do ....[insert crap female stereotype]". Initially I thought they were being ironic and waiting to be called out on it - but not

it is so pervasive, and certainly must feed into individual limiting beliefs about what we can / can't do - whether we consciously realise or not

Trinity66 · 10/04/2018 15:56

yet the more you look for this like a PP mentioned the more you see

I can't stop looking and seeing things like this though and I swear people in real life are getting pissed off with me for pointing stuff out :/

MrsJayy · 10/04/2018 16:03

So for those saying nursery workers don't perpetuate this, at my DD current pre-school I have had to raise why only the girls do tidy up time, and the boys are left to play...

What Shock I worked in preschools and tidy up time was tidy up time even if a 3 year old wandered about with a bit of lego looking lost they are all involved

Morphene · 10/04/2018 16:12

I think things are still pretty bad - but we can take some sort of hope from the fact that 100 years ago women couldn't work once they were married. 60 years ago women had to resign when they became pregnant.

We have actually made a great deal of progress in the last 100 years....so there is hope for more progress to come.

reallyanotherone · 10/04/2018 16:36

There is no harm in there being a difference between girls and boys. Its probably doing more harm to try and force a child to like a certain thing just because you don't want them to be 'stereotypical'.

Stereotyping in itself is “forcing a child to like certain things”.

By not challenging stereotypes whe are giving children no choice but to like certain things.

Pinkvoid · 10/04/2018 16:39

My DD was upset in reception when a boy told her superheroes are for boys and called her a boy because she loves marvel and had a superhero water bottle. I raised it with the teacher, they had words and it never happened again. She still loves superheroes Smile. Mention it to the key worker.

MrsJayy · 10/04/2018 16:51

I was never allowed to like "boy" things the fact I liked Star Wars and xmen cartoons truly baffled my parents. I was brought up alongside a boy cousin he had the toys I wanted his dad used to take me tonthe cinema to see boy films my mum refused. The frustration growing up not being allowed to enjoy the things I wanted was huge I didn't want my kids growing up without choice.

spidereye · 10/04/2018 17:24

I was told by a preschool head that it was "a great place for boys because of the outdoor climbing equipment .." Ironic really, as DD was always more of an adventurous climber than DS

NotMeNoNo · 10/04/2018 17:29

Maybe she is not too young to learn some good MN put downs. Id say Did someone tell you that? They were wrong if they did.

I'm a civil engineer and a girl: lorries, diggers, trains, ginormous dumper trucks and piling rigs are for meeee!! 😁

BlackeyedSusan · 10/04/2018 17:34

let toys be toys ffs. kids like what they like and no-one should be telling them anything different.

messages come from all sorts of places. a girl toddler offered my boy baby a doll and was told off as it was not for boys. messages, messages.

the shops have a pink section and ablue section. more messages.

MiaowTheCat · 10/04/2018 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 10/04/2018 17:43

DD used to get called a boy at school because she wore trousers (from the girls' uniform section, so they were fitted and had heart buttons) and had short hair (because the damned stuff wouldn't grow).

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 10/04/2018 17:51

It's more likely to have come from other preschoolers than the preschool workers. Presumably there are children up to age 4.5 at the nursery. By this age, many children have strongly reinforced gender concepts, thanks in part to their parents' attitudes, their older siblings and also due to TV / advertising. I remember dropping DS off at nursery about 10 years ago and overhearing a Dad telling his son not to play with the dolls house because that was for girls.

Morphene · 10/04/2018 17:54

spider noooooooo.....

Morphene · 10/04/2018 17:56

mycar the thing is that the attitudes come from adults...and nursery workers are also adults (and parents often). It is a mistake to assume they would have better sexism credentials than the average adult with kids!

PellyBay · 10/04/2018 20:34

MyRelationshipIsWeird

Hope you chucked him off the bus PellyBay!

Since it was a 5 year old, I obviously didn't. but I did ask him why he thought that. He told me because his dad said so. I asked him if his dad could drive a coach and he said no, and we left it at that.

When adults said the similar things to me I answered a bit differently.

PellyBay · 10/04/2018 20:42

My sons are now coming home from nursery school saying all the things mentioned above by PPs about what colours/toys are for girls and which are for boys.

I keep telling them "it's all for everyone... everyone should be able to wear/play with whatever they like. Wouldn't it be stupid/sad if you wanted to play with the dolls' house/Amy wanted to wear her new blue jacket but you/she couldn't because of being a boy/girl? Would that be OK?"

They get my point, but at the same time they have so many friends/media pressure even family members reinforcing the opposite message I know I'm setting them up with a contradiction. But I can't see any other way to do it.

Kokeshi123 · 11/04/2018 01:48

The evidence from things like CAH girls, Turner girls and cases of boys raised as girls from birth after injuries or cloacal defects left them without penises (that's just a few examples---there are many more) suggest quite strongly that biology has a lot to do with on-average differences between boys and girls as groups.

Of course "pink is for girls" is a cultural construct, but the fact that some sex differences are arbitrary and do differ a lot from culture to culture does not alter the fact that many sex differences are universal and do not appear to differ from society to society at all. Men are more aggressive than women and boys show more interest in toy weapons and indulge in far more "rough and tumble" play than girls (to give just a few examples) in all societie, universally---it is not something that you find in some societies while being absent in others.

None of this means that people should indulge in sexist practices like making only girls do cleanup (have never seen this in a nursery and would be shocked if I did), or pushing children to play with particular toys. There may be group-wide on-average differences between males and females, but each individual is different and there is nothing wrong with being a little bit of an outlier or gender-nonconforming. Girls are a lot less likely to be obsessed with machinery, but I'd be thrilled and encourage like crazy if my daughter showed signs of becoming a little machine geek---it's fun for those who love it, and is the starting point for a lot of great careers.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 11/04/2018 07:27

Kokeshi DS1 27 and DD2 10 both always turned toy cars upside down to see how they worked. If DS1 was well enough to work he'd be an engineer, DD's decided she wants to be a photographer. Confused

Allhallowseve · 11/04/2018 07:37

My 3 and a half year old has started saying those toys are for girls and those are for boys. I challenge it and we discuss it be can't put into words why he thinks that.I'm almost certain that it comes from tv and adverts . It's amazing how stereo types everything is.

Pengggwn · 11/04/2018 07:41

I have no idea what I would say to you if you 'said something' to me about this as a nursery worker. Are you imagining someone is filling her head with this stuff, rather than the far more likely scenario that your 3 year old has eyes in her head and can see that, mostly, the boys around her have trucks on their clothes/play with trucks and the girls don't?

Pengggwn · 11/04/2018 07:43

*pitterpatterrain

I wouldn't raise that. I would raise hell about that. Did you move her? What possible reason could they have given you that would satisfy you?

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