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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I still look so bloody fat!

27 replies

WaitingForSunday17 · 10/04/2018 08:39

This time last year I weighed around 10 stone and I'm 5 foot 6. I think my bmi was around 23.

Now I weigh 8 stone 3lbs and my bmi is 18.5 but I look fatter than ever. I have worked really hard to drop the weight and I'm finding it depressing that I still look like this. I think maybe I need to work on toning my stomach as two children and two c-sections have taken their toll.

DH remarked last night that I still look flabby but I don't think losing more weight will necessarily help...

Aibu to wonder how other people look slim at my sort of weight but I look so big still?

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 10/04/2018 08:42

You can't possibly look fat at that weight! Your dhs comment was unhelpful tbh. I still thought I was fat after losing a lot if weight but I really wasn't! I was just used to bring negative about myself. Maybe you could do some toning to tighten up and be healthier (something weight baring would work best like body pump).

MoistCantaloupe · 10/04/2018 08:42

Oh, what a lovely thing for your DH to say.

Firstly, there is no way you can look 'big' at that weight. If you want to tone up/use weights it will help you get the asthetic you want, but honestly you've done so well to lose two stone and you sound at a very low weight now.

Are you thinking you look flabby because DH said this?

SD1978 · 10/04/2018 08:43

You and your husband both had enough a serious weight issue perception. You logically know you are borderline underweight. Either he is abusive by supporting and encouraging your very u real body weight issue, or as deluded as you. Seriously. If you genuinely believe you are still ‘fat’ when you’ve gone from and average BMI to a below average one, then I really hope your kids aren’t aware. You need to see a GP, and I hope that this isn’t an actual eating disorder or body dysmorpgia issue as it sounds like.

SD1978 · 10/04/2018 08:44

And ‘flabby’ is probably due to less skin elasticity. Nothing a part from surgery will deal with that. If you want to go down the plastic surgery route and can afford it, then that may help you.

Bunbunbunny · 10/04/2018 08:45

Well you can’t be fatter if you’ve lost weight. Did you diet alone? Just sounds like you need to tone up and ignore the scales. If you gain muscle the scales will go up but you’ll probably feel better. Chuck the scales away and speak to a personal trainer and nutritionalist

RedHelenB · 10/04/2018 08:45

Maybe think about more important things than how you look/weight. I can guarantee that you look fine .

Original poster
WaitingForSunday17 · 10/04/2018 08:47

I don't think I look bigger than before, just no smaller. But it is mainly around my stomach that looks so bad and maybe I am stuck with that? I just feel a bit cheated that after all that I still look 'flabby'. Like I still wouldn't want to wear a bikini. Maybe a one piece I suppose.

OP posts:
LadyLancelot · 10/04/2018 08:47

Are you suffering from some sort of body dysphoria? There's no way you are fat. Youre at the low end of a healthy bmi.

Greenglassteacup · 10/04/2018 08:48

What an unkind comment from your husband OP.

lasttimeround · 10/04/2018 08:50

Not very nice of dh - although maybe depends on contexr. But note he said flabby. Its you who has interpreted that as fat. You cant be fatter so its your percrption that you are. But you could be wobbly if not much exercise was involved or just because real bodies dont look all firm and taut like in magazines. Building muscle should help. Easing up on the critism will also help.

DragonsAndCakes · 10/04/2018 08:51

Have you looked at www.mybodygallery.com/index.html#.Wsxsoq_TWEc and put in your measurements to get an idea of what you look like? Sometimes it’s hard to see in a mirror.

Fuckitbucket13 · 10/04/2018 08:51

As a once very obese person it can take your brain a while to catch-up with the fact that you don't look fat. I still have days where I'm convinced I'm fat (5'8 11 half stone) your husband's comment won't have helped.
I bet other people tell you differently.

Original poster
WaitingForSunday17 · 10/04/2018 08:52

He asked how much weight I'd lost and when I told him said 'it doesn't look like it. Look at your stomach, it's still really flabby.'

I mean, I'd already thought it myself so it wasn't news. Maybe I will have to do some more exercise on my stomach.

OP posts:
Dulra · 10/04/2018 08:53

Well as others have said you have gone from a healthy bmi to a borderline underweight bmi so losing weight is definitely not what you need to do. You've had 2 children and 2 c-sections so your body has changed. Why don't you concentrate less on losing weight and start looking at exercises that will help you tone up and get fit. Being healthy is way more than losing weight.

Ps tell your husband to go do one "flabby" what an unhelpful mean comment

YellowFlower201 · 10/04/2018 08:55

If you've had a c section you might have Diastasis Recti (i.e. your stomach muscles are still separated)? I feel your pain OP! I'm also flabby and nothing seems to work. I weigh less than i did before pregnancy and still look bigger.

icklekid · 10/04/2018 09:01

I've lost 4 stone in last year and gone from size 14/16 To 8. I've got loose flabby skin especially on my stomach and wouldn't wear a bikini either. I've been to the Gym a lot and toning is definitely helping but is slow process and I have accepted there will always be some. You have to find a way to love yourself

Original poster
WaitingForSunday17 · 10/04/2018 09:01

I'm much bigger than the women who are supposedly my size on that website. They look toned though. I think that must be the difference.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 10/04/2018 09:04

I think you are straying into eating disorder territory here op. You are very close to being underweight.

Chickoletta · 10/04/2018 09:19

What you are seeing in the mirror is clearly not what other people see. I think you may need some help.

pigsDOfly · 10/04/2018 09:20

Your BMI is pretty low and you certainly don't want to lose any more weight.

As pp said, it's possible exercise alone wont entirely get you the results you want.

Your body has produced two human beings, does you DH know what that means and how it can affect a woman's body? Does he actually have any idea what your body's been through?

I'm quite shocked at his stupid, mean remark. Perhaps he need to educate himself about the effect of pregnancy and the trauma of birth and C sections on women and their bodies and keep his unhelpful observations to himself.

These sort of remarks from men really piss me off.

SerenDippitty · 10/04/2018 09:21

You were a healthy weight before, as has been said it’s more important to be healthy than thin. Exercise will help.

Original poster
WaitingForSunday17 · 10/04/2018 09:22

I just feel like fat has a sick sense of humour. Like I've lost it off my face and chest and apparently hands since all my rings keep falling off but not off my stomach!

OP posts:
PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 10/04/2018 09:25

You need to get yourself to the Canaries, all shapes and sizes in bikinis. You clearly lack body confidence and in my experience body confidence has very little to do with weight or a teeny bit of flabbiness, it is all about how you view yourself as a person and where you get your worth from. That is what you need to work on, your DH is not helping.

mintich · 10/04/2018 09:26

My fiance would never say that to me! Is he normally like that?

noeffingidea · 10/04/2018 09:27

OP firstly, you need to allow 2 years for your skin to shrink back. It doesn't necessarily happen overnight (though some people are luckier than others in this respect). Secondly, some form of resistance training helps, because it tones ie slightly enlarges the muscle which will support the skin and give you a firmer look.

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