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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be surprised at his fetish?

42 replies

ShiftyLookingBadger · 10/04/2018 07:58

I've been with DP over 10 years. Instagram offered up 'recommended posts' or something so I thought I'd have a nose last night. One pervy bum / feet shot caught my eye. Why has this been recommended to me? I wondered. I clicked on it and OH had liked it. Bit icky that he's liking bum pics on social media I thought, but then my curiosity had been tickled. Turns out it's not so much the bum, but the feet! He's liked other similar posts and follows 'foot' models.

Now, the foot fetish thing doesn't bother me so much, everyone has a thing they like. But AIBU to worry how this hasn't come out in over 10 years? I feel like I don't know him all of a sudden. I'm also disappointed he's apparently the type to like seedy things on social media... At least watch private porn like normal normal people without having mutual friends see him liking this stuff.

For a bit of background (in anticipation of 'is he not getting it from you?' responses), I had a traumatic birth 9 months ago and my labido and confidence is still pretty low and our baby won't sleep in his cot so is in with us. Plus we have a toddler who waltzes in through the night so sexy time has been almost non-existent for a long time

OP posts:

BaldricksTrousers · 10/04/2018 08:10

I would be surprised as well, that it hasn't come out till now. Maybe he's just discovered he likes it.

I would ask him about It, definitely. Maybe it's something he would like to explore with you when things in the bedroom are back on track.

I wouldn't worry about it. It's not illegal or neccesarily exploitative...as far as fetishes go I could live with it. Just talk to him.

AndysComing · 10/04/2018 08:14

YANBU. I certainly don't think we have to share every single fantasy we have/think about with our partners but I'd definitely like to find out about something like that from my DH and not via Instagram. As you say, mutual friends can see that (perhaps he doesn't know that's how it works?).

I'd have a chat with him about it. First though, I'd work out whether it's something you'd get involved in so you can have an open conversation about it.

Karigan1 · 10/04/2018 08:15

Lol he’s not hurting anyone by liking feet. Just remind him that others can see what he likes on Facebook and jokingly ask if he wants to paint your toes for you.

It probably hasn’t come out because others have made him feel weird about it.

Ansumpasty · 10/04/2018 08:20

Tell him you’ve seen it and ask about it. Maybe he isn’t aware that what he likes can been seen by others on Instagram. Perhaps it’s a new thing he likes?
I never understood the foot thing...but then I have a fungal infection under my big toe nail so I’d be a mega turn off, haha!
Foot fetish is pretty harmless though!

MCSpammer · 10/04/2018 08:22

Might be a new thing for him. Doesn't necessarily have to have been a fetish he's been hiding for years.

MCSpammer · 10/04/2018 08:25

Also maybe DON'T make a massive thing out of it. Surely people are allowed some private fantasies, do we have to share everything with our partners? Paint your toenails and get your feet out if you like but sitting down and having a worthy chat about it sounds awkward! 😁👣

Littleredboat · 10/04/2018 08:25

I don’t even know how a foot fetish works.

Could I just lay back with a book while my DH got his jollies playing with my feet?

And if so, how do I cultivate said fetish?

AwkwardPaws27 · 10/04/2018 08:29

Teach him how to give you a pedicure.

Talith · 10/04/2018 08:32

Of all the fetishes that one's always struck me as fairly harmless. If you can bear to bring it up why not? Him giving you a foot massage is something you might get something out of. Unsettling to discover now but perhaps he's only just finding out it's a thing for him too.

Tinkobell · 10/04/2018 08:36

Yes it's not the foot thing that would upset me but the liking seedy stuff on social media....perhaps he has more idle browsing time that you....get him busier with the kids. Also, as you say....it's the public projection him, a father, liking slightly sleezy stuff ...perhaps he needs reminding of that!

Skittlesandbeer · 10/04/2018 08:41

Sounds like the perfect solution to me. Your lady bits and confidence are a bit traumatised, and resuming ‘normal’ relations may be some time off. You have two small children to wrangle, and tired. If you could negotiate a long foot massage, it might be a win-win!?

Sorry to minimise. I would probably be on MN feeling a bit if I found what you found. But I think I’d go with it, as long as after I broached it in a light-hearted way my dh included me in it. Not so much if he acted like it was none of my business, or denied it.

Frankly, I’d be quite excited to find my dh had a sexy spark going that I could fan! I’m starting to think his pilot light has gone out for good!

Original poster

ShiftyLookingBadger · 10/04/2018 08:42

I did ask him to paint my toenails for a wedding once when I was very pregnant with our first. He acted like he was really put out, maybe it was all a ruse!

Ironically I HATE feet. I wonder if that's why he kept it to himself all this time? (Unless as some of you say its a recent thing). If so I'd feel pretty guilty that he felt like he had to hide it from me. It wouldn't bother me if he liked my feet though, I just don't like other people's. However, he's never shown an interest! Maybe it's just pretty models feet he likes? He does regularly slap my bum and makes no secret that he likes that!

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Blit · 10/04/2018 08:43

Years ago when Richard and Judy were on This Morning, I remember Judy getting a bit flustered when Richard told the viewers that he had a thing about her feet.

He was always oversharing, bless him.

icelollycraving · 10/04/2018 08:51

I’d just mention you and others can see what he likes on social media.
I always feel awkward when I see people liking something that I don’t need to have known about!

Original poster

ShiftyLookingBadger · 10/04/2018 08:51

Littleredboat

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PeanutButterSquash · 10/04/2018 08:51

I would feel odd about it 😕 not the fetish itself

PeanutButterSquash · 10/04/2018 08:53

Pressed post too soon. I'd feel weird he was liking it online and others could see. I wouldn't feel weird about it personally though. Kind of.. Embarrassed for him!

Original poster

ShiftyLookingBadger · 10/04/2018 08:55

Yes exactly that. My DSis recently complained that the man she's dating likes glamour model pics on social media and I said I'm glad MrShifty isn't like that. How wrong was I! I'd be mortified if my friends and fam see him liking stuff publicly. I'm certainly no prude and have been pretty damn adventurous in my sexual history but I don't put it on social media

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zzzzz · 10/04/2018 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Creambun2 · 10/04/2018 08:58

Is you DH from a middle class background?

zzzzz · 10/04/2018 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneStepSideways · 10/04/2018 09:05

I don't think we have to share every fetish/kink. Some things are private. I don't think there's anything wrong with a foot fetish, nor is it 'seedy', there are far worse things!

Is it just one foot model he likes?

MCSpammer · 10/04/2018 09:06

Wait. What? How do other people see what you like on instagram if they don't have access to your account?

Original poster

ShiftyLookingBadger · 10/04/2018 09:21

No, working class family but he's doing OK for himself in middle management.

MCSpammer Yes, unfortunately!

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Juells · 10/04/2018 09:21

Him giving you a foot massage

Depends what he's using to massage the feet.

^runs

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