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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married at a venue my friend used

44 replies

Tulip1011 · 09/04/2018 21:27

I’m getting married! Hooray! And now I’m suffering from massive overload trying to find a suitable venue that’s a good price. One of my favourite weddings was my old best friend from schools. My partner loves the venue and we went there earlier in our relationship for dinner. I haven’t seen my old friend for a year and barely hear from her but we’ve been friends for nearly 30 years. I wasn’t going to invite her as we are keeping numbers low. Is it awful if I use the same location as her wedding? I don’t know if I should tell her (might then need to invite her, and she would be forced to say it was fine even if she thought it wasn’t) or if not she might find out via Facebook and think it was pretty low of me to use her venue (and not tell her or invite her). Argh. What do you think?

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 09/04/2018 21:29

I would be flattered if someone used the same venue not offended. I suppose if she was going she would be bound to make comparisons but she won't even be there so don't even give it a moment's thought

Ggirl27 · 09/04/2018 21:30

If I was your friend I'd be flattered that you enjoyed the venue I had used so much you wanted to use it for yourself. Enjoy your day xx

MissMarplesBloomers · 09/04/2018 21:30

First - Congratulations!
Secondly- you get married wherever you bloody well like, it's important you have a venue you really like & would be comfortable in for your special day.

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 21:31

I don't see how its any of her business, and if she has an issue with it then she's the one making it.
Do people think they own the venue they get married in?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2018 21:31

It is perfectly ok to us the same venue! She doesn't own it, after all. Hurry and book it before you lose the date!

MissMarplesBloomers · 09/04/2018 21:32

oops posted too soon......
Thirdly, if you're not that much in contact, I wouldn't worry !
Enjoy planning the day 😁Flowers

HollowTalk · 09/04/2018 21:32

I think you can choose where you want (obviously) but it'll be embarrassing not asking her to your wedding when you went to hers.

mistermagpie · 09/04/2018 21:32

I would be delighted if someone I knew got married where I did. I've been to a few weddings at duplicate venues, there are only so many venues in a locality so it stands to reason that people will end up picking the same ones. It's a non issue in my mind. It would only raise an eyebrow if you were in the same family maybe, and even then I don't think it would matter.

OlennasWimple · 09/04/2018 21:33

Why wouldn't you just email her and say "Hey, we are looking at wedding venues and remembered how much we loved your wedding at Fancy Place Towers. Would you recommend them? They seem like a good option price wise as we are only having a very small event, and of course Bob and I have special memories from your day but also a wonderful meal we had there back when we were first getting serious about each other."?

Angrybird345 · 09/04/2018 21:34

You’re not in contact so just go for it! She should be pleased!

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 09/04/2018 21:36

OlennasWimple That is quite a genius idea! Thank you!! Ok thanks maybe I made this a bigger deal in my head than it is

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 09/04/2018 21:37

Congratulations and yes definitely ok. A good friend of ours had his 2nd wedding at the same place we got married (longer time gap) as he said he'd never found a nicer venue. I was flattered he had liked it so much and enjoyed going back there too. (He didn't ask us, he told us, and it was all good).

NewSparkle · 09/04/2018 21:44

My friend booked same venue as my wedding for a year later, when she told me (after it was booked) she just said she enjoyed ours so much & the hotel staff were so lovely etc etc and I was super flattered. So you’re friend probably will be too!

Tistheseason17 · 09/04/2018 21:49

I'd be flattered! Book it and enjoy!

category12 · 09/04/2018 21:59

It's not like you're booking the same venue the week before her long-planned wedding. Nor is a venue like an ex-boyfriend who treated her like shit that you're now getting off with.

I'm struggling to see why you think it would bother her Confused.

OlennasWimple's email is perfect.

Petalflowers · 09/04/2018 22:09

Not actually sure you should email her if you don't plan to invite her.

I presume her wedding was over a year ago. If so, I think you are overthinking it. in days gone by, where you only had church or registry weddings, you frequently had people marrying in the same venue, often quite close together.

Go ahead and book it without any qualms. No one owns a venue.

PinotMwah · 09/04/2018 22:15

I can't for the life of me see what the problem is here: people don't own weddings or wedding venues. You like it, your partner likes it, if she has any reaction at all it should be to be flattered.

Life is just too short to worry about things like this...

BoyWithApple · 09/04/2018 22:26

This is fine - I got married at the same venue as my best friend - I was her bridesmaid and she was mine. It's a lovely venue, wouldn't have occurred to me that she would've been bothered.

MaggieFS · 09/04/2018 22:37

I think if there's been a decent time gap and little overlap of guests then it would be ok. Don't think I'd email though if you're not inviting her - depends how much you are in contact anyway.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2018 22:41

If you're not inviting her, DON'T email her. If anything would cause hurt feelings, it would be that, because it would be very reasonable of her to expect an invitation. You don't have to give a second thought to using the same venue. Of course you can!

siobhan0710 · 09/04/2018 22:44

My best friend got married in our venue about three years after we got married there. She told me beforehand that she loved it and would I mind if they booked same place. I was delighted, and also really enjoyed being back there and taking it all in (as a bride the day goes by really quickly but as a guest I was really able to appreciate it!)
I understand this may not help your dilemma of inviting/not inviting your friend though. Sorry!

Doobigetta · 09/04/2018 22:45

Within a year or two of her wedding, and with a significant overlap of guests, I could see why she might be put out. If those two things aren't the case, I don't think you need to mention it. In fact better not to, if you aren't inviting her.

Poppins2016 · 09/04/2018 22:45

I'm another person who was flattered that someone who attended our wedding wanted to use 'our' venue. It's a beautiful venue and we have similar tastes, so why not?!?

MarvelleGazelle · 09/04/2018 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/04/2018 23:31

Do people really get upset at the thought of others using 'their' wedding venue? If so I think someone needs to tell them that about 99 other couples get married there in that same year

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