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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another woman - AIBU

46 replies

simmzz · 09/04/2018 20:19

Hi there,
New to posting. I welcome your honest comments😃. OK so I've been married for 5 years and have a DS (4). In January this year DH had to travel to his birth country for his sister's wedding. As our boy was in school then and we ended up paying for most of the wedding, he went alone and I stayed back. Whilst there he apparently met a woman through an old friend. I'm not sure how far it went whilst there. However since returning they have been communicating every day and quite inappropriately.. He texts her every night telling her he cannot sleep if his 'baby' isn't home and regularly exchange pictures etc. I know this because I have the password to his mobile as he does to mine. I have known about the woman since he returned two months ago and have given him several chances to come clean.. He however continued to lie to my face. Eventually I told him I knew and asked who this person. His response was to laugh in my face.. He maintains he's doing nothing wrong because she's not around. Since then I haven't spoken to him, not that he seems to care. AIBU to react like this?

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 09/04/2018 20:21

I think I'd be telling him to get out.

Teeniemiff · 09/04/2018 20:24

It may not be physical but I would consider this as good as cheating.

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 09/04/2018 20:24

He has no respect for you.

Antislut · 09/04/2018 20:26

No, I think you need to tell him that you know exactly what he's been saying and that it's making you feel uncomfortable. If he still thinks it's ok, try and give him some perspective.

Personally I'd go for a low blow about how cringy what he's writing is.

Winosaurus · 09/04/2018 20:27

This may not be a physical affair but it is an emotional affair.
I’d give him an ultimatum... either stop speaking to her or you’ll leave.
If he laughs at you then he’s a prick and you should leave regardless

Domino20 · 09/04/2018 20:29

YABU. Throw him out, forget about ignoring him bloody ditch him.

clippityclock · 09/04/2018 20:30

I wouldn't even give him an ultimatum I'd just be telling him to get the fuck out! How disrespectful

LoveLights · 09/04/2018 20:30

If you can get on his phone and can see her number, msg her and ask her what's going on and why your husband can't sleep

ChickenMom · 09/04/2018 20:31

He laughed in your face? Divorce I think! Absolutely not acceptable!!

VladmirsPoutine · 09/04/2018 20:31

He laughed at you and told you it's ok because she's not around!?

I'd be consulting with a divorce lawyer at the first available opportunity. But then again I've been down this road and it only leads to madness the longer you try to 'fix' things.

Petalflowers · 09/04/2018 20:31

Hcan you print out the messages as evidence of what you have found?

I agree with the post above, it's at least an emotional affair.

I also agree with confronting him again, and then making decesions about your future.

louisiana30 · 09/04/2018 20:34

YANBU at all!!
The fact he laughed at you and didn’t respect why you felt how you did says it all.

And how come you paid for his sisters wedding?

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 09/04/2018 20:37

Also wondering why you paid for his sisters wedding, weird.

Yanbu at all. I'd bet money that he slept with her whilst there, hes chatting to her all the time and sending pics. Eww. Tell him to get the fuck out and if you've slept with him since I'd be getting checked.

PinkyBlunder · 09/04/2018 20:40

Get with Tammy:

D.I.V.O.R.C.E

Chewandswallow · 09/04/2018 20:42

FFS he's taking the piss. He has no respect for you. Tell him, you didn't know it was an open relationship, but you do now.......

Original poster
simmzz · 09/04/2018 20:43

He's known I can access his messages so clearly he knows I would see it. I have asked him to get out but he refuses. My boy is autistic and I have no family close by. Due to his sensory needs, I would have to spend time preparing him to even stay anywhere else. DH knows this and therefore is counting on me not leaving because I would never leave my son. Also forgot to say that he does acknowledge he has a kid but makes it seem like the kid's mum is not in the picture. Rich isn't it? Anyways it is uncomfortable sharing the home with him since he refused to leave and I don't even know what to say anymore

OP posts:
Keepingupwiththejonesys · 09/04/2018 20:45

I'd be making it very clear that the relationship is over then I'd consider options for either ypu leaving or getting him the hell out of the house

Original poster
simmzz · 09/04/2018 20:48

louisiana30 and Keepingupwiththejonesys the sister is the youngest and planned this extravagant three day wedding with family members pledging to contribute. When it came to a few weeks before the wedding no one could find the money they promised and everything was booked thanks to the sister. DH said he wanted to give her the wedding she wanted because if their mum was alive she would do the same. Thank you so much everyone so far. Its definitely good to know I'm not the mental one

OP posts:
Seafoodeatit · 09/04/2018 20:52

His laughing and treating it as a joke shows there's use in trying to salvage a relationship with him. I would consider the relationship over and either leave or get him to leave.

Seafoodeatit · 09/04/2018 20:52

there's no use*

Joanna57 · 09/04/2018 20:53

Is this the norm in his culture?

Sounds very much like an acquaintance I used to know - it was normal for the men to have another woman on the go, as long as they were in their home country.

Gemini69 · 09/04/2018 20:55

watch him Laugh when he finds his belongings in bags on the doorstep... oh the laugh we had.... get RID Hmm

Penfold007 · 09/04/2018 20:56

You are being taken for a fool. Next move is up to you.

Treezabreeze · 09/04/2018 20:58

Ugh what a disgusting pig! Can you divorce him??

LoveLights · 09/04/2018 20:59

Well he's right to count on you not moving out because of your son.....because he should be the one to go

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