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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another woman - AIBU

46 replies

simmzz · 09/04/2018 20:19

Hi there,
New to posting. I welcome your honest comments😃. OK so I've been married for 5 years and have a DS (4). In January this year DH had to travel to his birth country for his sister's wedding. As our boy was in school then and we ended up paying for most of the wedding, he went alone and I stayed back. Whilst there he apparently met a woman through an old friend. I'm not sure how far it went whilst there. However since returning they have been communicating every day and quite inappropriately.. He texts her every night telling her he cannot sleep if his 'baby' isn't home and regularly exchange pictures etc. I know this because I have the password to his mobile as he does to mine. I have known about the woman since he returned two months ago and have given him several chances to come clean.. He however continued to lie to my face. Eventually I told him I knew and asked who this person. His response was to laugh in my face.. He maintains he's doing nothing wrong because she's not around. Since then I haven't spoken to him, not that he seems to care. AIBU to react like this?

OP posts:
redexpat · 09/04/2018 20:59

Hes having an emotional affair. Get legal advice. I believe there are ways and means of getting a spouse out of the marital home but it can take time.

UnaMagdalena · 09/04/2018 21:07

Yeh, that's bad. Even if nothing physical has happened, he is wrapped up in HER, can't sleep without checking in with HER. Meanwhile he's laughing in your face and not even trying to hold on to you. not saying that that would make it ok, but it sounds like he's not even bothered that you know. it's probably just convenient for him that you're not speaking right now. Saves him having to move out. He acts like he's punishing you... Confused

Original poster
simmzz · 09/04/2018 21:08

Lol! I had the same thought earlier today

OP posts:
Odrani · 09/04/2018 21:10

End it

Original poster
simmzz · 09/04/2018 21:11

UnaMagdalena Yes! Now how do I get the scum out? He refuses to leave and is using the fact that I have no support close by so basic ally he can get away with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
simmzz · 09/04/2018 21:12

Gemini69 lol! I had that thought earlier today

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 09/04/2018 21:16

He sounds absolutely vile. He doesn't love or respect you.

Id be working out how to get rid of him. Even if it takes years. The alternative is living with him indefinitely.

caringcarer · 09/04/2018 21:16

I would be seeing a solicitor with a view to divorce. He laughed at you, how bloody disrespectful.

Shizzlestix · 09/04/2018 21:18

I hope you aren’t doing anything for him, no cooking, washing etc. I’d put a lock on the bedroom door for a start.

Original poster
simmzz · 09/04/2018 21:26

Shizzlestix no, just cook for myself and DS and his laundry is piling up nicely there. Whatever hole he managed to find the other woman in, I'm sure she can manage to come back out and do his laundry

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 09/04/2018 21:27

So sorry, OP.
He's a prize sh!t. Hope you get some good responses with help.

category12 · 09/04/2018 21:28

Start a divorce.

Dvg · 09/04/2018 21:36

? he cheats on you and then laughs at you about it??? and you've been together for only 5 years? Trust me, your better off without him!

GaryBaldyBiscuit · 09/04/2018 21:39

Do you want to stay there long term or do you want to move closer to your family if possible?
Personally I’d be taking screen shots of everything, getting together important paperwork and sending them to a family member I can trust (passports, birth certificates copies of payslips etc) and I’d be prepping my child to leave if I could.
If you want to stay then do the above but serve divorce papers on the smug bastard and wait him out, though that will be tough as he seems delusional?

C0untDucku1a · 09/04/2018 21:45

What a nob he is

timeisnotaline · 09/04/2018 21:51

It doesn’t sound like you have much to lose. Message the ow to explain that you’ve noticed you don’t feature much in his messages, so she might like to know a bit more about you. you are his wife, married 5 years... etc. I’d make it all sound happy and lovey to piss her (and him) off. Then file for divorce, once divorced you can surely come to some court ordered living arrangement where he leaves and you stay with your autistic child?

Original poster
simmzz · 09/04/2018 21:52

GaryBaldyBiscuit for DS it is best we stay here long term. My family lives 21 hrs away..2 flights. But I am thinking of doing a similar move, getting myself and son ready financially and emotionally ready to leave. Then in two mths serve his ass divorcé papers and leave.

OP posts:
Original poster
simmzz · 09/04/2018 21:55

I also need to be prepared for a custody battle be cause I think he will try to take DS.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 10/04/2018 09:00

Why do you think that simmzz? Would he cope with your sons needs? Does he currently?

Original poster
simmzz · 10/04/2018 09:54

GabriellaMontez no he can't. I'm DS full time carer meanwhile he hasn't even been to more than two of his therapy sessions. He hasn't even given DS a bath or anything like that in years. However based on past disagreements and statements he's made I'm expecting him to go for custody.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 10/04/2018 10:30

Sounds like it's probably just said to scare/threaten you then. But all the more reason to get some legal advice.

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