PIL letting themselves in

[AccioPizza]

I really feel uncomfortable that my in laws let themselves into our home with a key (which is supposed to be for emergencies!) when visiting us but don't know if IABU?

It's honestly not personal to them as we get on fine, I just don't like that they just come in without knocking or anything - sometimes it's given me a fright when I don't hear the door unlocking and other times they've almost caught me in the bathroom

I don't want them to feel unwelcome and get the feeling it's the norm where they live (amongst family members anyway) as it's more rural whereas we live in a city.

They were visiting over the weekend and did it again and I tried to make a joke of it "oh you frightened me, haha" but I think I need to be very clear and say politely but firmly that I'd rather they rang the bell so we can let them in - that isn't too rude is it?

Ugh I hate it too! My pil do it aswell, we have a gate as we're up a track and they have a key fob to get through that which Is fine, but then they think they can just come into the house, sometimes we're not even here! And I come home after a long day to them on the sofa!!! Or lately I've just started maternity leave, and trying to get in some afternoon naps! And she will come in and repeatedly shout my name till I come out my bedroom, and say ooh sorry did I wake you! 🙄 ( she knows she fu&king did) I just stand there and say yes u okay? Yawning! I want to take the gate key off them soon if they continue xx

i have a key to my sons house for emergencys .they always now i am visiting but no i never go in always knock and wait at door .i certainly would never go to his door un announced and open it god he and his wife could be doing adult things that i sure as heck dont want to see .

I have a key for DS's house but just so we can use it when they're away to put bins out etc, or to let the dog out if they're out for a long day. Would never let ourselves in even if we've been invited, will always knock or ring the bell. They do the same here as well.

right enough my sons dont ever knock at our door to them it is still there home and they just come in i would hate for them to start knocking .

Sil used to do this until she walked in on me shagging her brother Now she knocks. Loudly.

@Mycatsarebetterthanyours

My mother in law let herself in one time we were ehh busy in the bedroom very small house at the time as well. We only realised she must have popped round when we seen she had left some mail for my husband. She always let us know she was coming round after that and it was never mentioned 😂

My DM has a key and always lets herself in but I honestly 100% do not mind even though she does always tell me she's coming

However my ex MIL used to let herself in but never let us know so I'd jump thinking someone was breaking in!

Could you just leave the key in the door, slightly twisted? That stops a key working from the outside. My children are the only ones I wouldn't mind letting themselves in.

Just get in the habit of doing a really loud, theatrically enhanced scream when they take you by 'surprise'. Scare the shite out of them! Do it every time they don't ring/knock.

Ha! Love this! I shall practise my theatrical scream in my tiny towel

Thanks all for sharing your thoughts!

Just to confirm, though we usually know what day they're coming, they like to come to us via other places and/or pop in to nearby shops so it's never a set time, hence me getting a fright sometimes!

Think I'll just mention it next time
In person so it doesn't get misconstrued in a text

If you've given them a key 'for emergency purposes' then every time they let themselves in give a startled scream and say "Jesus!!! what the emergency this time? You know we gave you the key for emergencies only so what is the emergency?" See what they say.

Yanbu. If they're decent people they'll understand that not all people are ok with people coming into the house without knocking! I certainly would not be.