Is it ever OK to snatch?

[PetitChoux]

I have a bright 18 months old. He understands everything I tell him and has quite a large vocabulary. We communicate with words, not by pushing/pulling etc.

Some family members of DH visited last week. My son has a large number of toys and is good at sharing his toys. However there are a few items that are special to him and that he does not like to share (maybe 5 items in total).

The child (3.5 years) who came to visit wanted a specific toy A that my child was holding. The child's parent walked to my son and handed him toy B, with a view that my son would let go of toy A. Bearing in mind that both toys belong to my son, my son did not let go toy A. At this point, the child's parent literally started pulling toy A from my child's grip. My son was holding on tightly and that adult was pulling, and hurt my son! My son was upset because he was having his toy snatched from him, and he was also being hurt!!

I was so angry and said "we do not snatch from my son!" and stormed off. I called for my son to follow me, and he followed me away from the situation.

Now, as we visit these family members maybe once a month or every 2 months. I want to speak to the adult and explain to him that the way he interacted with my son was unacceptable! I do not teach my son to snatch and I would not expect an adult to snatch from him. My DH wants me to keep quiet for the sake of keeping peace.

What do you think?

Not everyone knows how to deal with snatching situations or arguments over toys. I have 3 children who are 5,3 and 2 and snatch things off each other daily (oh yes it does happen even when they can communicate ;) ) and I still never know how to decide who gets the object because I don't always see what happened before the situation escalates. Perhaps they are inexperienced and thought because their child wanted it they should be able to have it, which is of course the wrong attitude to have.

If it happens again, which I should hope not after your little performance, then you need to discuss it there and then.

The other adult is a twat. I am not in favour of forced sharing with little kids anyway - they don't have to give in to everyone who wants what they've got. And insisting they give up their toy to another kid can help set them up for a lifetime of expecting their wishes to be overruled. Actually taking a toy off the child it belongs to in order to give it to another child is just bullying and I would have said, at the time, 'That's A's, let's find B something else'.

It is awful to see your child being bullied/hurt by anyone let alone an adult.

It is your job to stick up for him.

imo you went a bit OTT but i would speak about it again, maybe saying 'sorry if i overreacted but my DS was hurt by your actions and i don't appreciate what you did.'
However, I'm also of the mind set that if you're going somewhere with your child definitely take some toys with you to entertain them. Even when i go to my SIL house where there's hundreds of toys, i still take some of DS toys for him to have and all children share everything. I would never turn up at someones home child in tow without any means of keeping them happy/occupied or expect the person and their child to accommodate my DS completely.