Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that i think OH should get off my back about pregnancy?

34 replies

Woshambo · 09/04/2018 05:29

I am 15 weeks pregnant. My OH keeps telling me that I'm "not THAT pregnant" and should not be tired etc.
I also suffer from sciatica quite badly (since before pregnancy) and my OH cannot understand that I am not taking pain medication and solely relying on physio exercises to control the pain. He is constantly on my back to gut out rooms and wall paper etc while I am also working 40 hours a week.
He is constantly comparing me to his friends OHs and their pregnancies and saying I'm a dramaqueen.
I genuinely feel like I'm going to either explode or go into a depression as I can't make him understand that I'm in pain and tired and I only want to do these things when I am not feeling that way. AIBU?

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 09/04/2018 05:30

YANBU what a prick.

Is he usually this unsympathetic when it comes to illness?

Original poster
Woshambo · 09/04/2018 05:32

Only when it's not him that is ill

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/04/2018 05:35

He's a dick
Is he usually such a dick about everything? Remind him that as a man he will never know what it feels like to be pregnant
Are you sure about this relationship?

Pinkvoid · 09/04/2018 05:37

He sounds like a class A dickhead. I remember my DM telling me during my first pregnancy that it ‘isn’t an illness’ and to just get on with things but the first trimester certainly bloody feels like an illness! I honestly believe pregnant women deserve all the sympathy they require, it’s not an easy time by any stretch.

Original poster
Woshambo · 09/04/2018 05:39

Not normally. Just recently about this. He keeps telling me we don't have a lot of time and we need to get this all done NOW.
I put it down to panic when we first found out I was pregnant but he's had weeks of grace period for that.
Now I just think he's a bit of a c*nt and I am genuinely thinking of asking him to move out.
Sometimes I am getting angry and others I feel low and hopeless because he just doesn't listen.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/04/2018 05:55

Asking him to move out sounds like a good idea
He doesn't seem at all supportive

pacempercutiens · 09/04/2018 05:58

Yanbu, he sounds horrible!
Don't put up with it, pregnancy is not as easy as it looks for a lot of people.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 09/04/2018 06:00

Every woman and pregnancy is different. Some carry on as if nothing has changed and others seem to suffer from day one.

You are only 15 weeks but working full time. If you had more time and energy I'm sure you would be as keen to strip rooms.

TooMuchGreys · 09/04/2018 06:00

What an arse! I’m roughly as far along as you are and feel absolutely awful. I have a breezy first pregnancy to compare it with, it’s truly awful this time round and honestly don’t know how I would cope if my husband wasn’t being supportive and understanding.

I have no idea what to suggest. Apart from maybe can you take him along to a Midwife appointment so that he can hear first hand how you should take it easy and do what you can manage? She might explain how he can be more supportive. Maybe he can ask if she thinks you’re being a drama queen and perhaps he’ll be taken down a peg or two Wink

Prusik · 09/04/2018 06:03

During my first pregnancy I was pretty much incapacitated for the whole thing. I felt bloody awful the whole entire time. Second pregnancy was pretty easy. He's being a dickhead.

toomuchtooold · 09/04/2018 06:09

Sciatica with no pain meds. I remember my mother coming in to my room at 6am to get me.to make her a bit of toast so she could take her dihydrocodeine. She'd be pacing the floor like someone in labour till they kicked in. I don't know how you're managing, it must be incredibly difficult.

GoBigOrange · 09/04/2018 06:14

So suddenly he is an expert on pregnancy? And oh dear, you're apparently doing it wrong OP, even though a quick google would return millions of results about crushing fatigue being completely bloody normal around the 15 week mark. I know that at that stage of my pregnancy I felt like I'd been run over by a couple of buses.

He's being a complete pillock, and needs to shape up or ship out pronto.

Cagliostro · 09/04/2018 06:22

Use that anger and do get him to move out. Either he’s a complete wanker and will never change (still huffing about you being tired and sore at 36 weeks, and then “ffs you’ve only given birth/had a CS/got sore from BFing what’s the big deal”) in which case you’re well rid, OR it will give him the shock he needs to buck his ideas up. Somehow I feel it’s the first one though. Sorry you are going through this Thanks

WinnerWinnerChickenDinner0 · 09/04/2018 06:23

My dh was a bit like this and he is a really great guy.

I was so badly fatigued during the first trimester. In his mind if I was this bad now, how would I be when I was huge.
I think because he can’t se the pregnancy at this stage it seems like a psychological thing. But the effects on your body are enormous.

In 2nd trimester I was full of energy and positivity, but took a few weeks.

Try to find him some articles that discuss the effects of first trimester (I know you are just finishing it but it’s a gradual change)

KittyWindbag · 09/04/2018 06:25

Oh god the first 15 - 17 weeks of my pregnancy were the absolute worst!! I was so drained and knackered all the time, nauseous all day and plagued by headaches. And it is dreadful because you don’t look that pregnant if at all so you get no sympathy.

Your OH is being a real dick. Some men are jealous of their pregnant partners in some weird way. He needs to read up on the early months of pregnancy or get a preggo app to get daily updates about what your poor old body is actually going through.

I know pregnancy is not an illness but you also need to listen to your body and if it says ‘don’t strip wallpaper’ etc then don’t!

WildIrishRose1 · 09/04/2018 06:30

Before you take the drastic step of asking him to move out, try talking to him and explaining exactly what being 16 weeks pregnant is like. There's no reason why he can't do the work around the house. I suspect panic is his motivating factor here.

PinkCalluna · 09/04/2018 06:32

I’m not clear on why you haven’t exploded already!

Are you close to your MIL, can you enlist her support to set him straight?

LeighaJ · 09/04/2018 06:33

I wouldn't be jumping on the solo train to parenthood just yet Woshambo. Men, not just your OH, Don't Get It. They just don't. A few google searches will highlight just how many of us found this out the hard way when we got pregnant.

I didn't realise myself even that exhaustion as well as a few other pregnancy symptoms would show up when I wasn't "all that pregnant".

My husband's normally great but also not someone who is overly sympathetic about anyone being ill if it's not life threatening. I blame him being sent to boarding school and his Mum's warm and cold affection with all of her children for that.

Your husband may need to hear it from an actual doctor unfortunately with regards to the affect of your sciatica on your pregnancy. Even though one would think he could figure out the simple math that you minus being able to take your pain medication equals pain.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 09/04/2018 06:35

I spent the first 20 weeks of pregnancy feeling like I had a combination of flu and a hangover. It was all I could do to stay awake. It's different for everyone. You really need to explain this.

Pinkprincess1978 · 09/04/2018 06:44

While my DH wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours he wasn't that sympathetic about tiredness in early pregnancy and kept saying I had only been pregnant 5 minuets so could have any symptoms yet!

Best thing we did was we would read one of those week by week baby books each Sunday night in bed together. It told us (him) how the baby was growing and how I was likely to be feeling and he changed over night on how he viewed the pregnancy.

It might be a bit late for you so try this but could be worth it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2018 06:48

What an idiot! The first part of my pregnancy I felt awful. No way could I have worked full time. I was incapacitated with nausea and exhausted, needing daily naps - I discovered I have ME a few years later, which explains things. Every woman is different. I think he needs to read a few pregnancy books.

Bottom line, if you exhaust yourself too much, you’re not going to be able to work so who’s going to pay for the paint and wallpaper then? And you need to conserve as much energy as possible to grow the littlie inside you.

jkl0311 · 09/04/2018 06:49

For Christ sake don't take on board and of this move out crap people are posting.... your about to have a baby together... your first presumably OP? He's just got a massive panic on that he needs to get everything together! Don't listen to other people's pregnancy stories they always stretch the truth and look back through rose tinted glasses.

nursy1 · 09/04/2018 06:54

The first few months are the worst in terms of feeling tired and sick. After 5 or 6 months you seem to get a bit of energy back.
He sounds like he is worried it’s going to change things to me.

CuppaSarah · 09/04/2018 07:01

Before you go asking him to move out, what have you done so far to try and get him onboard? Not saying you should have to do anything, but I know personally I'd want to have tried everything before I asked DH to leave.

Why is it he can't gut the rooms that need doing? DH was getting stroppy not too long ago because he wanted some specific things doing round the house. So after a week of feeling shit for not having been able to do it, I realized if he wants it done he can bloody well do it himself and let him know. It was a lightbulb moment for him and he is now doing the things he wants done instead of moaning.

GreySkiesAboveMe · 09/04/2018 07:03

Take him along to your next midwife appointment, let them set him straight!

Swipe left for the next trending thread