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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To assume he’s not interested and never was?

33 replies

NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 22:57

Guy I like, couple of years younger and a very good friend’s brother (we are both in our twenties). Both in slightly different life stages right now. He’s always been quite flirty and jokey with me but a little shy - he’s a big personality though and have since seen he’s very playful with everyone. I had a brief thing with one of his friends a couple of years back (nothing really happened but just went to his house after a night out and a drunken snog...!) and he had teased me about it ever since. He also tried to set me up with a friend of his a few months ago and we went on a date but nothing came of it after. He now has a gf anyway so nothing happening but all this points to the fact he doesn’t really fancy me right?! I’m sure I felt a vibe originally and he spends a lot of time together with me and his sister when I’m with her (hangs out with us etc), joins us on nights out but I only see him occasionally anyway. Argh

OP posts:
ClareB83 · 08/04/2018 23:00

If he liked you he wouldn't be setting you up with someone else. He'd ask you out himself.

strayducks18 · 08/04/2018 23:01

Yeah in the gentlest way possible it doesn't sound like he thinks of you as anything more than a friend. Shame for you though.

Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:02

Ah ok. Probably then! I think his friend was the one who instigated it but still.

OP posts:
PrettyLittIeThing · 08/04/2018 23:03

Someone that liked you wouldn't have set you up with their friend. And if you liked him as much as you say then surely you wouldn't have went along with it Confused

Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:03

He always seems/seemed a bit nervous when I was around and would make silly jokes... And I remember made comments about how his friends were all trying it on with me etc. Probably just wishful thinking on my part then haha

OP posts:
Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:04

I only went along with it as it seemed awkward and rude to refuse! It was only a drink and nothing came out of it

OP posts:
strayducks18 · 08/04/2018 23:05

I think we've all been guilty of looking for signals that aren't there when we fancy someone well I know I have!

Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:06

Also logistically we live very far away so nothing could have happened anyway. Hmm. I’m wondering if I have been deluding myself all along now!!

OP posts:
Pinkvoid · 08/04/2018 23:07

If I liked someone, the last thing I would want to do is set them up with my friend! You are looking for signals that don’t exist, sorry OP. Plus he has a girlfriend anyway...

Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:09

As I say I think the friend asked! But fair enough, point definitely taken

OP posts:
Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:11

The only thing that makes me wonder is that I had a thing with his friend first, which makes me wonder if he doesn’t think I’m interested?! And as I say things would not have worked anyway logistically. He went through a flurry of randomly liking a lot of my things on social media etc and was quite flirty, which got my attention initially.

OP posts:
x2boys · 08/04/2018 23:13

So ask him out? If he likes you in that way all well and good if he doesn't at least you know?

QuiteLikely5 · 08/04/2018 23:14

Why not ask him on a date? I think you like him - he maybe look led you so what is there to lose?

QuiteLikely5 · 08/04/2018 23:14

Likes you! Should say

Juells · 08/04/2018 23:16

I remember hankering after a guy, and telling my friend that he was probably too shy to ask me out. She said "men are never shy when it comes to going after a woman they fancy". Turned out to be true.

Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:16

As I said he has a gf and we live in different places. Will see what the future brings but in all honesty I would rather things happen organically than forcing anything - if down the line we both live nearby and are single then I’m sure our paths will keep crossing so will see.

OP posts:
PrettyLittIeThing · 08/04/2018 23:17

He has a gf now ffs that's why she shouldn't ask him out

Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:17

I agree Juells! As I say though he is my best friends brother and there is an age gap. Plus we live very very far away. But yes I do agree with the sentiment

OP posts:
ClareB83 · 08/04/2018 23:17

What @Juells said.

PrettyLittIeThing · 08/04/2018 23:18

Tbh you've kissed one of his friend and been on a date with the other so maybe that's put him off as he might think you're abit of a goer. Would you really want to date a man If he had kissed one of your friends and been on a date with another?

Original poster
NachosGrandes · 08/04/2018 23:20

No fair enough! The date was literally just a drink though.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 08/04/2018 23:20

Maybe he was interested. Maybe he wasn't. No one knows.

But we do know that he has a GF right now. Presumably he's with her because he likes her.

Don't waste any more headspace on him right now. If he wants to leave his GF and declare his love for you, then he can choose for himself to do so.

Until then, I'd look elsewhere. I hear Channing Tatum is back on the market tho ;-)

PrettyLittIeThing · 08/04/2018 23:23

I mean someone that is available to everyone. That would put most men off IMO. Maybe the date with the friend was a test to see if you would go? Who knows. Either way he doesn't sound interested.

x2boys · 08/04/2018 23:23

I'm. In my mid forties.and happily married Now, but there were definatley a few missed opportuncities in my twenties when I liked someone and they liked me back that didnt go anywhere as we were both to shy what do you have to lose?

lattewith3shotsplease · 08/04/2018 23:24

Maybe he thinks you're out of his league ?

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