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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder if anyone got on with their sibling(s) as a child?

71 replies

DrWhy · 08/04/2018 21:42

I’m pregnant and all being well will have a 2 year 2 month age gap between DS and his new sibling.
There is a 2 and half year age gap between myself and my sister, from what I recall and what I’ve been told I loathed her from the moment she came home from the hospital pretty much until I moved out to university. We get on well now but still wouldn’t choose to spend more than 3 days or so together! I sort of thought we were unusual but speaking to DH, he and his sister got on as children, fought as teens and now barely speak. Based on the last few threads I’ve seen on here about age gaps, no-one got on with their siblings as children regardless of gap. I had been hoping for a smaller one in case that helped but that ship has sailed.
Is there anyone out there with 2-3 years between them and their sibling who actually liked each other and have happy childhood memories of their sibling or am I about to ruin DSs life and set myself up for 18 years of refereeing?! I’m genuinely quite worried!!

OP posts:

NameChangeAgainAndAgain · 08/04/2018 23:07

I got on great with both siblings as a kid, still do now (in 40s). Both my DC (age 4 and 6) get on great! Here's hoping it continues!

MsJuniper · 08/04/2018 23:09

@phoolani that sounds like really good advice which I'll try on my newly-besiblinged DS!

OP I have a sister with a 4.5yr age gap, we are completely different in personality, tastes etc but our relationship is hugely important to both of us, even more so as we have grown up and started our own families. We had a few years of serious teenage fallings-out but have always fiercely defended each other when needed.

In some ways I think the fallings-out are the important thing about a sibling relationship. Of course it's not true for every family but I think there's an aspect of finding out who you are and arguing in a "safe space" where there's a bond that will remain beyond any petty tiffs.

stripesandsquares · 08/04/2018 23:18

2 year age gap between me and my sister and we still dislike each other now.
I can't help but think it was also to do with how we were parented though, because we were compared against one another for every single thing.

They can be very closed minded especially when we were teenagers, they would constantly say "your sister never wanted to do things like that" or "your sister wouldn't behave like that" and were genuinely puzzled as to why we were so different and made me feel shitty for being different.

Basically never compare your children and I'm sure you'll be fine!!!

DammitOedipus · 08/04/2018 23:28

I have 2 brothers.
'A' is 18 months younger than me. As kids, we played together and occasionally bothered each other. As teens, I found him very annoying. As adults, I can see that he is an interesting person, but our personalities clash and we would not be friends.
'B' is 3.5 years younger than me. We got along beautifully as children, were friends as teens, and if we lived closer together, would be good friends as adults.
'A' and 'B' were 2 years apart and were alright with each other as kids, didn't like each other as teens, and have bonded as adults over common interests.

Blackbirdblue30 · 08/04/2018 23:34

Have a two year age gap with a younger sister. We fought as children, actively detested each other as teenagers and even now only politely tolerate each other for a few hours.
However- I think if my sister hadn't been so favoured, babied and spoilt by our mother (to this day!) it might have turned out differently.

stottiecake · 08/04/2018 23:49

My boys have 2.7 years between them. They have always got on great most of the time. Eldest thinks youngest is hilarious, youngest loves it. We as a family of 4 laugh a lot with each other - but if anyone behaves unfairly to someone else it is openly dealt with and questioned - adult or child. Boys are funny and great. Nothing is perfect. We do stuff as a family. We encourage and provide opportunity for conversation and fun and laughter. And stuff is working out so far with our 9 and 6 year old.

8misskitty8 · 08/04/2018 23:53

There is 3 years between me and my younger brother. We had the usual sibling squabbles as children but most of the time we got on great. I remember we got a tape deck for Christmas one year with a microphone, we had a great time making up songs and plays on it. We used to dress up and act out films, great times.
Now as adults we are still very close.

My dad is one of 9 with around 18mths between each child and they all got along great and as adults are a close nit family.

LegallyBrunet · 08/04/2018 23:55

I’m one of six. My big brother teased me but we always got on well, my oldest little sister (3 year age gap) tortured me from the day she came home from the hospital and we were always fighting- I have actual scars from her- but get on much better now we’re both adults, little brother number 1 is a tease but got on well until he became a stroppy teen, I’ve always got on with my youngest little sister because we have a lot in common and little brother 2 we all adore because he’s got special needs.

Aylarose · 08/04/2018 23:59

I love my two brothers and always have!

My older brother is 2 years (well 23 months!) older than me and was my friend from the very start. We had lots of fun together as tiny tots, had great conversations as teenagers and now as adults enjoy each other's company.

My younger brother is 4 years 9 months younger than me- he's great, I was old enough when he was born to really enjoy helping to look after him! Our sibling-connection has changed over time so that as adults he is less of a younger sibling and more of an equal, which is great and although we have different interests, we think in similar ways and share similar values.

hammeringinmyhead · 09/04/2018 00:03

DH has a sister who is 7 years older. They didn't like each other as children (very different, age gap, parental favouritism) and she'd left for uni by the time he was a teenager. They speak about once a year. TBH I forget I have a SIL most of the time.

WyfOfBathe · 09/04/2018 00:08

Yes, but she's 14 years younger than me. I loved playing with her, babysitting her, teaching her. But I moved out when she was 5 and then to a different country when she was about 10. Now, she's a teenager and I'm a "grown up" with children of my own. We still talk, but I feel we're more like aunt and niece than siblings.

My mother's best friend had three children, each about 18 months apart. The younger two girls were inseparable, from toddlers to teenagers. The oldest boy was completely different and didn't like spending time with his sisters. I'm not sure how much they fought, but he always refused to play with them or share with them. They all had the same upbringing, and the same gap. The only difference was the genders (maybe he wasn't expected to play with the girls and share his "boy toys"?)

Titsywoo · 09/04/2018 00:15

I got on with my brothers when we were young but we were very different as teens so haven't been close since I was about 12. Still not close now. My kids were the best of mates until my eldest started secondary school and the fight a lot now.

BangPippleGo · 09/04/2018 07:42

I have a DBro a year older than me and a DBro two years younger. Yes we argued and fought but we were always very close as children and were always playing together. I don't remember us ever not getting along.

Now we are older we are all very different people but do still choose to spend time with each other willingly (helps that we all have children of similar ages but even before they came along we still did). I'm more likely to go for a coffee or lunch with younger DB and go to a gig or something with older DB. I also get on very well with SILs.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 02/07/2018 12:34

23 months between me and my brother. Very close throughout growing up, drifted apart a but as adults but that's just because we are living different lives. Still really enjoy the time we get when we see eachother.

henpeckedinchief · 02/07/2018 13:07

My siblings and I were very close. My sister and I especially (2 yrs apart) - she was and still is my best best friend for our whole childhood. We had our moments where we fought but it never lasted for more than a couple of hours. And we were both close to our older brother too, we used to do lots of stuff together. Now all of us and our partners are best friends and we spend more time with each other than anyone else!

MrStarkIDontFeelSoGood · 02/07/2018 13:11

Two older sisters got on with neither really as children. Get on very well with one as an adult when the other is not around

Cannot abide the other

Kokeshi123 · 02/07/2018 13:14

In the short run, my experience is that bigger gaps mean a less fraught relationship purely because they spend more time apart and are not competing over the same things (they basically take different roles in the family).

Long run, it ends up being about personality. I don't think parents can do much to change things to be honest.

PinstripeElephant · 02/07/2018 13:22

DB and I did, and still do, get along really well we had a few spats as teenagers. But nothing major. There's 2.5 years between us. It helps that we have personalities that don't clash, and different interests. I think it means we sort of are different enough to view each other as friends more than siblings.

MargaretCabbage · 02/07/2018 13:27

There is a about two years between me and my younger brother. We did fight a lot, punching each other until we’d throw up, I don’t know how my poor mother coped, but when we weren’t fighting we were best friends. My Sindy dolls played with his Action Man at home, we’d build ropeswings in the woods, and we were at our finest when we worked together on elaborate pranks to scare our family.

We don’t hang out a lot of adults, but when we get together we have a good laugh and we’d both drop anything to help each other out.

Chattymummyhere · 02/07/2018 13:30

I get on with my brother. We are not super close or anything as adults but know we can call on each other if needed. My children have their moments love/hate but what siblings don’t. My oldest however absolutely detests his baby couson, this is causing problems as the family expect it to all be happy cousins playing and wanting to spend time together like the previous generation. However I can understand as they have 0 in common what with a 8 year age gap.

Blobby10 · 02/07/2018 13:30

Depends on your definition of 'close'. My 3 younger siblings were always going out together as teenagers with their friends ie shared friends, out to discos (it was the 80's!), to festivals, away to caravan parks for a week. I wasn't part of this group as I was either working to pay for my hobby or doing said hobby!

Now we are adults and the same 3 siblings are still close - younger 2 are always round each others houses, babysitting, dinner parties,social events etc.

I am never excluded but never actively included (this is mostly my fault as I declined invitations when in my 20s and my babies were young but they weren't yet married) but whenever there is a family get together, i always feel the odd one out as they all recall the 'hilarious' and 'fun' times they used to have.

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