If your kids are fussy - just say!

[GoldenWonderwall]

Grrrr. I can’t be the only person that has asked visitors what their kids eat, to be met with an airy ‘Oh, they eat anything!’ and then it turns out said children only eat one brand of fish finger or just cheese on toast, but hold the cheese.

My dc are fussy so I’ll tell you they’ll eat fish fingers, pizza and nuggets before we come so you don’t spend loads of time and money on food they won’t eat and get really pissed off with us. You might judge me with my fussy kids who won’t eat a coq au vin, but we all know that is infinitely preferable and much more fun than watching the giant paddy and incessant whining brought on by the inclusion of a single slice of lettuce on a ham sandwich.

So say! Say your dc are fussy buggers before you come and we can all be happy

You do know you can cure fussy eating in a day don't you? There was a tv programme about it recently.

I'm so grateful to my MIL for this helpful piece of wisdom and her devotion to her quest to point out my parenting faults.

It was particularly satisfying to explain that the expert who had done the miracle cure on all but one child (who had proper problems) was actually the same expert we'd seen who'd diagnosed dc with the proper problem MIL refuses to believe he has. Subject was swiftly changed!

I'd like to know how to teach my ds not to be fussy too. He's got a LOT of allergies, which doesn't help. He will often change his mind about what he likes and what he doesn't like, so that makes it even more difficult. I've now decided not to get so over-invested in what he eats and if he refuses a meal he can go without (within reason, I'm not going to starve the little monkey). Last night he refused sausages, whereas that was my "safe" food that I knew he'd gobble up... except on Sundays, perhaps?

I used to think fussy eating was down to parenting. But that was before I was a parent and we all know "experts" like that!

Just remembered, my sister's best friend at school hated cooked cheese (except on pizza), she's been the proud owner of a fondue restaurant in the Alps for the last ten years or so... so she must have grown out of that one! I guess this just illustrates that there is hope!

Hmm I’m torn on this one. My DD is quite fussy but if she sees other kids eating something she’s usually good at copying them and eat said thing too. Not always but 80% of time so I usually said don’t make a special effort she’ll have what everyone else is having

It’s hard to go through the list of foods my DS is fussy about. I suppose it’s simpler to say the foods he definitely will eat but he is honestly so fussy he will only eat certain brands of pizza for example. He’s a nightmare! I would hate to dictate to someone else what they can and can’t cook especially when my DD’s aren’t fussy in the slightest and will eat anything. He is getting better as he gets older thankfully but I have never managed to get him to eat a tomato even as a baby...

I agree with pp who said that the parents don't always know. Fussy children who do not have a particular sensitivity are usually products of a limited diet: or at least a diet where everything sis served in a certain way.
And a host I have always wanted to serve visiting friends with a meal they will enjoy, but children can only be judged on what they do: a child who will eat pasta with tomato and chicken at home may not eat it at my house because I mix it together or use an unfamiliar pasta shape. It is irritating because I have failed to please our guest and it's a waste of food but it is neither the child nor parents' fault.
Parents who don't see their children as fussy or having particular food requirements aren't necessarily over-optimistic, just unaware of their child's conditioning (to spaghetti in a ring on the plate with the sauce in the middle, for example).

YANBU

I can't do with the parents that think every fussy child is that way because of lifestyle choices as their little Rupert will eat raw kale and dried quinoa.

I had a Rupert that would eat anything from weaning but also a child that wouldn't eat anything unless it was processed shite.

Just like I had one that never slept for four years and one that slept all day and all night.

Just like I had one always in trouble at school and one that was a perfect swot.

I didn't parent any differently, the negatives were not all associated with the same child, it's just the way it is.

It's likely that the fussy child will eventually be less fussy. Took mine 19 years but we got there in the end.

We should all be more accepting of other children's quirks I think.

I was a very fussy child and still am a fussy adult. DM says my saving grace was reliably eating chicken nuggets and chips when eating at the houses of school chums. I'd like to think I'd try to be understanding and accomodating to other people's DC but it's amazing what people will or won't eat.

I was offered a wide range of foods and ate 9/10 meals sat at the table with my family. Made no difference to my fussiness and I have got somewhat better with age, under my own steam.

@JustHappy3, go on, tell us what the TV programme was, what was their one-day-cure for fussiness.

With much coaxing I got 3-4yo DS1 to eat apples. By 8yo he reverted to never eating it (I have a slight apple aversion, too). At After school club, they insisted that he had to eat some fresh apple before he could leave the snack table. This was when there was a big fashion all over media of saying "Just try any food 10 times and you will like it thereafter, this is cure for fussy eaters."

DS was SO PISSED off. Refused to ever go to club again. AND the other children (including the two who happily eat apples!) spoke in reverential fearful tones about the awful club that makes you eat things you don't like.

You could say I'm a bit skeptical about "cures" for fussiness.

So in people's experience with older children, when do kids tend to grow out of the fussiness?

I was particularly fussy as a child & it wasn't until I went away to uni at 19 that my horizons broadened. I'll eat most things now.

Someone did this with their husband. I invited them for dinner and asked if they had any dietary requirements. They said vegetarian. I made a veggie lasagne. The woman announced when they turned up her dh didn't like meals with tomatoes in. Bit late to mention it. The veggie lasagne contained tomatoes in the sauce.

Lljjk. All i know is it had Gillian Harris in it.

I am at the point where i roll my eyes at the try it 10 times brigade. DS was offered fruit at nursery every day he was there. It took a year for him to stop crying when it was his turn to choose a piece (even tho i know they never forced him) and he still hadn't eaten one single bit after 2 years. So over 200 times.....

I'm slightly more forgiving these days. DD eats "normally"; will demand to have what her peers are eating, will eat something one day that she didn't like the day before and vice versa. I can see why other parents are baffled.

I am not forgiving of MIL who on the last three visits has managed not to buy the food DS eats. She's on a mission to prove us wrong and i'm exasperated.

GH is a proponent of the "10 tastes" to make you like it philosophy. Also she said, from Guardian article: "That favourite bribe of 'You can have your pudding if you eat all your vegetables' is counterproductive because it both devalues the vegetables and makes the pudding of higher value," explains Gillian Harris.

Not following that latter advice is why my kids eat their veg every tea time :).

My ds's (former) 1-1 took it upon herself to try the 10 tastes thing at lunch time in school....resulting in hugely anxious ds and her converse being covered in vomit.

Laughing at teaching your children not to be fussy.
Agree op it's easier if people are honest and save wasting food!

Our son left to his own devices would probably only eat food in the beige group too with the exception of sweets and chocolates of course! Our rule is though he has to try some of everything even if he doesn’t like it and he either eats it or he doesn’t and that’s fine but I won’t be giving him an alternative. He is improving over time. I think when he was younger I made the mistake of assuming children are fussy. With hindsight I don’t think they aren’t it’s down to parenting and too many choices/ snacks these days. French children aren’t fussy and I think so much of it is down to our culture in this country.

French children aren’t fussy

Do you know all the French children? I don't but I lived in France for a very large part of my life and I can assure you that there are plenty of fussy French children.

I expect many people wouldn't dare say 'actually my DC are fussy buggers', knowing their child's host might be thinking 'why didn't you just teach your children not to be fussy i.stead of thinking it's something to boast about

That wins 'Silliest comment I've seen this week on MN'.

I have eventually managed to raise non fussy children that will eat pretty much anything now age 20, 18 and 13. But the 13 and 18 year old were bloody difficult when they were younger, they've really broadened their horizons over the last few years.
Have just returned from holiday with dsd 14 who is the fussiest child ever. Despite this dh insisted on her coming to yo sushi with ds and me. I don't mind fussy but realistically that was never going to work, fine to not like it but to describe loudly food in a restaurant as 'disgusting' is pure bad manners.

OP are you implying parents choose to have fussy eaters? How bizarre....

But yes, I agree hosts should be forewarned, I have wasted a lot of meals on children who refuse to touch them.

My DDs are both very fussy, especially DD1. Going out for a meal is a nightmare, unless we go somewhere that serves jacket potatoes with baked beans and cheese. She used to like pizza but doesn't any more, now that she realises that there's tomato on it. She has sensory issues.

I'm trying to teach her to be polite and say 'no thank you' or 'Unfortunately I don't like it, sorry' rather than saying 'yuck' or 'euhhhhh'.

I'd personally rather be told what a friend visiting likes to eat, so that it's a nice excuse for her having tea at our house.

Well I've tried to be honest about DS's slightly fussy eating, and said "just give him toast, he'll be fine.", only for him to then insist on eating mussels or black pudding or whatever the adults were eating.

Some kids are contrary more than fussy, and you can't win.

There's some weird reverse food snobbery I see on MN whenever this issue comes up, people can't wait to get a dig in, sneering at parents whose children eat perfectly normal foods like quinoa, kale, olives, even bloody hummus. I'm not directing this at any PP in particular but I wonder sometimes if this attitude towards food deemed 'not for kids' rubs off on children and therefore they grow to see it as not for them or to be avoided.

Killybashangel haha similar happened to me a few years ago with my friend's ex. Didn't say anything they wouldn't eat, showed up to a home cooked lasagna and he announces he doesn't like mushrooms and starts picking them out! To her credit she told him (light heartedly) to grow up and just eat the bloody thing and stop being rude 😂

In my opinion, yes. No herbs. Nothing that looks like herbs, for example he likes broccoli but not in soup form (it looks like herbs). No chickpeas but likes them in hummus form. He has now gone off bananas and potato, having previously like these. Eggs are tricky. These are eaten sometimes and tentatively. No pasta. He won't eat porridge, having previously eaten it. Meat is tricky, he much prefers fish.