I've been living with my husband for 7 years. He is lovely - intelligent, kind, generous, handsome, a very dry wit. Lover of cats. Thinks the sun shines out of my behind.
He has a sleep disorder (similar to narcolepsy) that means he is constantly tired. Without caffeine, he falls asleep on the sofa, in meetings, in the car even on short journeys. I have never known anyone fall asleep so quickly. Despite his issues, he has a full time job. We both work full time.
I am the neat one, he is considerably messier. In addition to this, housework just isn't a priority for him. This means that I do laundry and housework, he cooks, takes out the bins and fixes anything that breaks. He is an excellent cook, he never seems to spend less than an hour cooking, he does put the effort in. So, given everything I have just said, I should probably be over the fact that he seems to create mess. Even if he loads the dishwasher, he doesn't wipe the sides over. This morning I got up and had to wash tea stains off the fridge and the dishwasher. He has taken over our conservatory and is using it as a workshop. There's stuff all over the floor, it needs tidying and a bloody good hoover. There were chunks of vegetable in the plughole in the kitchen that needed fishing out. The food recyling bin was in the middle of the lawn and I had to retrieve it. He'd messed up all the cushions on the sofa so I had to plump them up and arrange them again. I am a perfectionist, and as a result of knowing that about myself I have tried (for the last 7 years) to adjust my expectations and as a result, the house is much dirtier and messier than I'd like on a fairly constant basis. I do, however, have more of a life as a result. I used to spend at least 80% of my free time cleaning and I got very resentful.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am tired of constantly trying to keep on top of the mess he makes. Every morning I get up and tidy up for probably about 30-60 mins before going to work, on top of the usual housework and laundry. When he has to go away for work, I LOVE IT. It feels as though I have SO much more time to myself because I'm not having to do wipe up the random messes he creates. The house stays tidy. I can starfish in bed. I
I have stuff I want to do with my life that isn't working full-time or cleaning. I also really want to crack on with the DIY - our garden is a mess and several of our rooms need redecorating, but it is SO hard to motivate him to do this stuff. He just doesn't seem to care as much as I do, and he doesn't seem to want to expend energy on it. I find myself relying on friends for help with wallpaper stripping and the like.
AIBU? I do have more energy than him (by a country mile) but I think it is a priority issue. When I lived at home with my parents, I did loads of housework but at least the house did stay fairly clean and tidy because my parents kept on top of it. I never saw a dirty plate left on the side. I imagine that living alone would be awesome, but perhaps it wouldn't. Perhaps I'd get tired of fixing broken loo seats and putting out the bins. Perhaps I'd hate always having to cook.
Maybe I just need to accept my lot. No-one's perfect, right? Am I unreasonable to want / expect my partner to clean up after himself like I do? And to crack on and help me with the DIY? For him to be motivated to do it? I feel as though he is less motivated than ever when it comes to the DIY. It's HARD being the only one who cares about the state of the house.
AIBU? Is my mindset the problem?