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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask my sister to remove this photo from fb

32 replies

WTFsmh12 · 08/04/2018 15:14

Hi there , not sure if AIBU just would like your take on it please
Having had a particularly terrible marriage to a control freak, who ruled who I saw,what I did and where I went,I found the courage to leave after 7 years (2011) and I pretty much have rebuilt my life,got custody of my children ,after lengthy court battle and have also been in another relationship for a long time, my sister had been a steady rock in my life and I,too in hers. (She’s had a very rough life,drugs ,drink etc) anyway she knows how much I detest to see anything from that part of my life,. I’ve gone on to my fb to find she has posted a picture of me at my wedding to said control freak,😔 my partner will see it and I don’t think he’ll be too happy ,And she’s tried tagged me in it (also in picture is my father and niece) I immediately asked her to take it down, or cut me out using an editing and repost (as it is a lovely picture of niece and father) but she’s replied saying she’s cut him out of it (the control freak) and she doesn’t see my problem?? Aibu?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 08/04/2018 15:16

Why is your sister FB friends with your controlling ex?

Dancingleopard · 08/04/2018 15:16

YANBU. She sounds like an immature knob.

Message her back and tell her to take the whole lot down

WilburIsSomePig · 08/04/2018 15:17

Not at all! I would hate if someone did this. I would just say that you find anything that makes you think of him upsetting and could she please respect that and take it down. I can't think why on earth she would post it in the first place.

rjay123 · 08/04/2018 15:17

So you asked her to either remove it or cut him out, and she did the latter?

Gemini69 · 08/04/2018 15:18

she's being Nasty.... if she doesn't take it down.... Flowers

EC22 · 08/04/2018 15:20

Untag yourself
Bit daft your partner being unhappy, you can’t control what others post.

Fattymcfaterson · 08/04/2018 15:21

Why would your partner not like it?

Lostinspace84 · 08/04/2018 15:21

YANBU

She knows the feelings you have and the trauma you went through, so should totally understand.

FWIW I feel very similar about a period of my life and seeing any photos or memories makes me feel all shaky and awful x

Orchidflower1 · 08/04/2018 15:22

Yanbu but I’d be more concerned if my dsis was fb friends with ex.

Graphista · 08/04/2018 15:23

If you're in it I think you can report to FB and they take it down because you don't give permission for your image to be used?

Original poster
WTFsmh12 · 08/04/2018 15:23

She’s not friend on fb with my ex , @breakfast she’s cut him out of the picture before she posted it.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/04/2018 15:23

Breakfast and rjay I don't think you read the OP correctly.

I am not surprised you want the picture taken down. I can't think why anyone would think it OK to post a picture of the wedding of an unpleasant failed marriage, let alone your sister. It seems more than thoughtless somehow.

It is unsettling just to think about it! Your sister should be more sensitive to your feelings, surely?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 08/04/2018 15:24

Sorry - I ow realise you said "my partner will see it" not your ex

Original poster
WTFsmh12 · 08/04/2018 15:29

When I asked again for her to cut me out too so then it would just be my niece and father she’s just ignoring me, I’ve untagged myself. I know I can’t control what she posts but surely she would know this would upset me and I know my partner won’t like seeing it, it’s just the way he is and my ex caused massive problems for us on the early stages of our relationship

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 08/04/2018 15:31

I appreciate this isn't what you asked, but what would be your partners issue?

Tistheseason17 · 08/04/2018 15:32

Just to be clear..
It's a pic of you, your Dad and niece - your ex has been cut out.
It's from your wedding to the nasty ex.

Yeah, why would she do this?

I'd suggest a new photo of the 3 of you is taken. No need to put a pic of a shitty wedding on there. It may be of 3 of you, but in your wedding dress to someone else - not very sisterly. You all know he was in the original.

incywincybitofa · 08/04/2018 15:33

I know you say she is your rock, but as far as I can see a photo on public display is worth more to her than your feelings leaving you feeling very shaky. That's not exactly a rock.

Original poster
WTFsmh12 · 08/04/2018 15:35

I’ve just actually pleaded with her to look at it from my side and how I don’t wanna see it, so she has amended the picture. Thanks guys

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/04/2018 15:40

That's good.

When you are feeling less annoyed you might need to have a face to face chat with your sister. Talk it through! She has made an error of judgement, but, if you still want a good relationship with her, you will need to get it out in the open, not leave it to fester/niggle at both of you!

Original poster
WTFsmh12 · 08/04/2018 15:41

Yes @curious your right, I think that’s a good way to approach it

OP posts:
Juells · 08/04/2018 15:45

So you asked her to either remove it or cut him out, and she did the latter?

Even that wouldn't be enough for me, I'd unfriend her for a while until the photo slipped out of view :( When my marriage broke up I got rid of absolutely everything from my house, wanted no reminders. Some ornaments I gave to the mother of a friend for her local jumble sale, and instead of doing that she gave them to my friend. Tiny things - a painted tin spaghetti jar, that kind of thing. But every time I caught sight of one of those things in my friend's house my gut would seize up. I didn't tell her for years, but finally managed to, and she got rid of them.

You don't need other people making you feel like shit, I don't know why she couldn't understand immediately how painful it would be for you.

Mxyzptlk · 08/04/2018 15:49

Great result!
The important thing is not so much that your sister made an error of judgement, but that she listened to your viewpoint (eventually) and did as you asked.

Idontdowindows · 08/04/2018 15:55

You can report it to FB as a copyright issue and they may remove it.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/04/2018 15:57

It's gone already, Idont Smile

Idontdowindows · 08/04/2018 16:01

Yah, that'll teach me to refresh first when I realise I've not pressed "post" :D