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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how my ds can travel with her 2 children safely

49 replies

Generallyok · 08/04/2018 11:10

Sorry to post here but wanting to help my sister who is struggling. She has 2 children aged 3 and 15 months. The 3 year old is currently undergoing testing for his behaviour - I suspect he has high functioning autism. He stated to become very aggressive with his baby brother so my sister is very careful to never leave them alone. She is a single parent so it’s very difficult. Car journeys are becoming a nightmare as the 3 year old keeps leaning over and squeezing and pinching baby very hard. She can’t use front seat as there is an air bag that can’t be turned off. He has also stated taking belt off. I thought I would check if anyone has any suggestions. He just grins if told off and shows no remorse. Bribes are not working either. Any different seatbelts available?

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 08/04/2018 11:12

What car is it? Some have own brand car seats with transponder type things in that shut off the airbag.

tissuesosoft · 08/04/2018 11:13

What car seat does he have at the moment? You can get chest clips which will hold him in place more

chimpandzee · 08/04/2018 11:13

I can't help with seatbelts but can sympathise with the ASD. My son is high functioning too. At that age travelling was a nightmare, I used to get so worked up about it. We didn't have a car so it was usually trains, buses, underground that were the problem. If he was being really difficult I would let him watch something on my phone or on the ipad. I downloaded lots of "educational" apps which were just games really, but they kept him occupied or would calm him down if he was overloaded and having a meltdown. He also liked peppa pig, thomas and friends etc all on youtube. Hope that helps a bit. It does get easier.

Original poster
Generallyok · 08/04/2018 11:13

A very old focus so I don’t think so

OP posts:
SecretBum · 08/04/2018 11:16

You can buy clips to go over car seat straps so he can't get out.

And tbh if he's properly restrained he shouldn't be able to 'lean over' enough to reach the baby - assuming they're in the two end seats in the back.

OneStepSideways · 08/04/2018 11:16

You can get car seats with a lap bar instead of a belt (Cybex make them). The bar comes up under their arms so they can't squirm around much or reach across.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 08/04/2018 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Singlebutmarried · 08/04/2018 11:19

If she can take to a garage they can disable the airbag safely (it can then be reconnected at a later date) or they can fit a switch to enable turning it on and off.

Then the little one can go in the front.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 08/04/2018 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

User24689 · 08/04/2018 11:40

I sympathise with this. I have a neurotypical (afaik) 2.5yo who can get free of her car seat when she is having a tantrum. She doesn't unbuckle, she gets her arms out from under the straps - is this what he is doing? We bought something called a Houdini strap to clip across the chest but she saw it as an extra challenge and can also get out of that. So we just have to pull over until we can calm her down.

Re: pinching the baby - are the seats side by side or is he leaning across the space in the middle? Can some kind of screen be fashioned alongside the baby's carseat?

Hoppinggreen · 08/04/2018 11:43

I thought that the front airbag was on my dangerous for rear facing seats so if the 3 year old is in front facing can’t he go there?
Unless he is likely to do something to distract the driver and make it dangerous of course

AjasLipstick · 08/04/2018 11:47

backseatwally.com/

This device.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2018 11:49

Is the 3 yo in a booster with normal seat belt? My friends ds was in a car seat with its own harness at that age got an extra clip for the harness that her ds couldn’t wriggle out of.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2018 11:51

Sorry that was garbled. I’m half asleep.

Festivecheeseandcrackers · 08/04/2018 11:51

I was also going to say what hopping said. If she doesn’t mind her 3 yo forward facing then I believe he can with an airbag. He just can’t if rear facing.

Myusernameisunique · 08/04/2018 11:51

If he's forward facing in a car seat he could be moved to the front. You dont have to switch the air bag off as far as I can remember. Would be worth having a quick Google to see if I'm right.

strawberrypenguin · 08/04/2018 11:53

Get the air bag disabled. A garage should be able to do it.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 08/04/2018 11:53

This is an American product, I don't know whether she would be able to get it sent to where she is, but it looks like a really good idea. Especially if she can sort out the escaping from the straps issue.

My DS (who does have autism) used to reach over and undo the seat belt holding DD's seat. I changed both their seats for Isofix ones.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 08/04/2018 11:53

Opps, link

GabsAlot · 08/04/2018 11:56

i thought u couldnt even have forward facing kids under a height at the front?

or am i making that up

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 08/04/2018 11:57

Similar DX and age gap - the only thing that worked was a car with 3 rows of seats. It worked really well.
It wasn't just damage control - they much preferred having their own 'zones' and it calmed them down a lot.

They're now nearly-13 and nearly-11 and playing Warhammer quietly in the next room.
That time was an actual hell though and it's still tough at times.

But the tough times are much further apart.

kateandme · 08/04/2018 12:00

has he had what pinching feels like lesson?contriversial for some but...

user1474652148 · 08/04/2018 12:00

Tell your ds to ensure CHILD LOCKS are on at all times. My dd opened the back foot on the motorway in my parents car...my advice is to never travel without them checked and safely on.
Harness for the seatbelt so he can’t reach for the baby.
Or airbags professionally turned off and baby or toddler in the front depending oh good behaviour
More support for your sister - family to help her as much as possible

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 08/04/2018 12:01

How about this for an anti-escape system?

NapQueen · 08/04/2018 12:04

It sounds like he is in a highback booster with car seatbelt over him.

If she puts him into a 5point harness carseat he wont be able to move a muscle. There are some that go to 25kg (rear facing or forward facing).

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