To ask how my ds can travel with her 2 children safely

[Generallyok]

Sorry to post here but wanting to help my sister who is struggling. She has 2 children aged 3 and 15 months. The 3 year old is currently undergoing testing for his behaviour - I suspect he has high functioning autism. He stated to become very aggressive with his baby brother so my sister is very careful to never leave them alone. She is a single parent so it’s very difficult. Car journeys are becoming a nightmare as the 3 year old keeps leaning over and squeezing and pinching baby very hard. She can’t use front seat as there is an air bag that can’t be turned off. He has also stated taking belt off. I thought I would check if anyone has any suggestions. He just grins if told off and shows no remorse. Bribes are not working either. Any different seatbelts available?

Crelling harness for the eldest so that he can't escape and then have baby in front once the air bag has been disabled.

little saviour for cousin was getting him his own map.loved them,with his autism too he used to find them fascinating.
things to do.always.red car game,how many lorries.education apps.
big suitcase in the middle empty seat worked for a bit.or roled up sleeping bag.
are there any words or actions that help him stop in the outside world.try to use the same words/phrases when telling him off so he knows what wrong easier with fewer phrases emotions to decifer from other moment in everyday life.
the car could be very distressing for ours.
in car big headphones with his favourite rymes helped sometimes.not at others.
putting a calming cd on surprisingly helped too sometimes."do you like mummys music."really distracted him to listen.

Ford dealers were retrofitting the switch ten years ago ish to the tune of around £200 at the time. Iirc the focus switch is located inside the glovebox if it was taken as an optional extra at time of new purchase. That is probably the safest route to take if available.

Isn't the question how a third child can safely travel with the 3yo and baby?

I think the answer is that they probably can't other than in a car with 3 rows of seats until the travelling issues have been sorted out for the 3yo.

Is this with just your Dsis in the car? If there will be two adults then airbag turned off, baby in the front and adult between the two children in the back.

Low gave you read the thread?

You can buy harnesses with guards to prevent children from escaping. One of my GC used to get out of his car seat, he could unlock it or get his arms out of the normal harness, no matter how tight we thought it was. He once opened a car door with a relative who didn't have the child lock on.

I echo the advice re something in the middle to stop him reaching, my GC also had headphones and a DVD player to watch his favourite programmes on repeat on longer journeys.

Also make sure that he has no coat on or bulky jumpers etc as this gives them wiggle room. Often just getting my GS in the car was a physical battle.

Yes- question is how my ds can travel with her 2 children safely

So 3 children.

People are saying if 3yo is strapped down with a harness he shouldn't be able to reach baby at other end of back seat. Fine. But he will be able to reach a 3rd child sitting in the middle of the back seats, however good the harness is.

Oh, does ds mean dsis?

Ds - sister.

Please go back and read it again.

Yes there are more secure seatbelts. And childlocks. I’d look into how to safely screen off the baby too.

If he has ASD it is worth getting very serious about his behaviour now, do everything practical she can, but also get a Behaviour plan in place. With a specialist if she can afford it, to really tackle these behaviors. Get him diagnosed. He’s possibly needing a lot more help, the sooner the better. Also, can he be given something to do in the car? Even an iPad?

Low, the SISTER has 2 children. The SISTER is travelling with her OWN children.

There are TWO children.

Do you mean to be so rude??

DS is used ubiquitously on mumsnet to mean son, I therefore readit to mean how can I add my child into this already difficult car-based scenario.

By ds she means sister. So sister plus two children.

At 3 the older child should still be in a harness so I would question if that is fitted properly if he can lean over. Straps should be very tight, no coat and you shouldn't be able to fit more than 2 fingers between strap and child.

In car safety centre provides excellent advice and will be able to tell you if it's safe to put the toddler in the front seat with an air bag.

I think the DS means dear sister, not dear son. Hence "her kids". And the OP is asking for advice for the sister in her own car.

Put the 3yo in the front? It's OK to have the airbag then, but do push the seat as far back as possible. Try 5 point plus if he escapes the harness. If he's undoing it, stick the hard part of velcro to the button.

If he's outgrowing the harness, get a seat which harnesses to 25kg.

I don't think an impact shield seat will work as he'll be getting close to the weight/size limit for the seat which will make it less safe and not contain him adequately.

And yes to distraction/bribery! Especially if she can tap into something he's fascinated by as this should hold his attention more.

I think aged 3 and over they can sit in the front in a high-backed, forward-facing booster. I think that would be a lot safer than arguing with him in the back and getting distracted while driving.

He doesn't need to be in a booster to go in the front, he can go in the front in a FF harnessed seat, it's only rear facing which is unsafe. If he's escaping then surely a harness is safer because a booster is very easy to undo the seatbelt on or just climb out.

But would he be safe in the front seat? I would worry about him grabbing the gear stick or the handbrake, or pinching his mum.

At his age he should surely still be small enough to be in a proper harness? That would make it important for him to lean over and pinch the baby.

Or ask a garage to dismantle the airbag and put the baby in the front seat, obviously still rear facing.

DD1 was a nightmare at that age.

Chest clip. I know people will lose thier shit about them but they're perfectly legal and required in other countries and 100% safer than a child who has taken their belt of entirely.

It sounds like he's getting out of the harness or pressing the button to undo it. I agree it's still an issue he may try to touch other things in the car.

Chest clips which are manufactured and crash tested with the seat are a completely different thing safety wise than an after market product - and a harness secured only with a non crash tested chest clip is about as good as no harness at all. The 5 point plus is safe as doesn't interfere with the workings but would only deter a child who is wriggling out, not undoing their belt. And even then a determined one could figure out how to get around it.

They should both be rear facing anyway so the 3 year old shouldn't be able to lean over anything

Can she put a cardboard box or somthing inbetween them? Cut holes in it to strap it in place so it can't be tipped over? That may stop him being able to reach over?

That wall is genius!