I feel the patio calling...

[GoodyGoodyGumdrops]

And dh may find himself under it if he keeps calling Amsterdam 'hamster-jam'.

(Minor irritations that Get. On. Your. Tits!)

echt I just googled that joke- it's quite good

Ours is done. There is a house down the road for sale, needs gutting. Trying to persuade dh it could be good. Will need a new patio. 😬

Me: what’s the matter?
DH: the man that makes matts
...e v e r y t I m e....
I’ll bring the shovel😡

Me: As you’re in the kitchen can you put the kettle on?

DH: It won’t suit me.

Every. Single. Time.

I too feel the patio calling.

I have that too. But it doesn't annoy me as much as "all the Georgie [Best]" instead of "cheers". I hated it the first time 20 years ago and I hate it still.

@glitterbiscuits It's oddly comforting to know that you understand.

This is why we moved from a flat to a house.

Accents/obsessions with how people pronounce various words

Vaping (that bubbly noise!!!)

Being anal about things like the car stereo volume

No jury in the land would convict me.

Mine keeps saying Jdubai. Rather than Dubai and it's really pissing me off as he is talking about booking a holiday there.

Another DH here who changes the name of things (shops) constantly (sometimes stolen from ads which is even more pathetic)

Morrison's - more reasons
Pizza express - pizza expense
Tesco - Tesky-o-li-ay (WHY???)
Waitrose - waity-rose

Just a few examples in a massive list

In fact the only shop he doesn't mess with is his beloved Screwfix, which is sacrosanct

I'm with your OH.

Parmesan in our house is German jam.

Deadringer...the patio comes when your annoying OH "disappears"

Mine just for the utter fucking predictability of opening the living room door and saying in a stupid voice 'morning youze guys' Every. Fucking. Day.

Makes me feel stabby.

I have a patio and live next to private woodland. We have space for all your bodies.

Refreshments will be offered for those who live with laundry basket dodgers.

Mine has a theatrical background. He still says " drinkies" when asking if I'd like a wine, "nibbles" for crisps and the hated "eyes to half , lips to lemon" for describing cross.

We joke about the patio alot.

I knew someone whose husband used to look in the bathroom mirror every morning and say "One day nearer the grave".

eyes to half , lips to lemon

😂😂 I quite like that description. But I can imagine it would piss me off irl.

Can you fit my dh under yours too? He keeps farting and laughing his head off He's 50 not 5 but apparently this is hilarious.

So many of these things are funny the first couple of times, even if only eye-rollingly cringily funny. It's the repetition that gives me the Twitch.

I knew someone whose husband used to look in the bathroom mirror every morning and say "One day nearer the grave".

The sheer irritating pointlessness of this has made me laugh my head off. I might take up doing it.

Oh oh, and mine complains about his knees hurting every time he has to use my stairs (he lives in a bungalow) or walk up a hill.

He's considerably younger than I am, and fitter, and it is Pissing. Me. Off.

Although if I have to lift any slabs, my shoulder is playing me up a bit, so could someone hold them for me?

I give you

“bananananas”

Will we need bin bags and duct tape?

Some of these are brilliant. I might start taking them up

Ju-byeeeee for Dubai, makes me cringe every time he says it.
And the farting followed by ‘get out and walk you bugger’.
I could go on but if I wrote them all down I might end up thinking I need to LTB ......

And the farting followed by ‘get out and walk you bugger’

My DP laughed like a drain when I read this to him. I hope he's not getting ideas...

Me: As you’re in the kitchen can you put the kettle on?

DH: It won’t suit me

AAAARRRGGGHHH.

I am feeling your pain.

DP does a very similar one....

Me: DP can you put DS's coat on?

DP: But it won't fit me.

Every. Single. Fucking. Time.

It wasn't funny the first time.

Oh god the fart thing. My friend's dad used to say, "pay your rent!" if he farted or blew his nose juicily NOT envy