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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Razor left on side of the bath

91 replies

Sammysees · 08/04/2018 09:56

My dp has just had a massive go at me for leaving a razor (with its cover on) on the side of the bath. Because his dd may pick it up. She’s 10! I feel this is a bit OTT. She’s not a bloody toddler! AIBU?

OP posts:
JustTerfingAlong1 · 08/04/2018 12:03

Blimey I lty 4 and 6 year old have scissors only loosely supervised - mainly to stop any hair cutting incidents! My 18 month old uses scissors supervised. Very kackhandedly, but he manages to not cut a finger off...

TheVanguardSix · 08/04/2018 12:03

That's just odd. I did the same when DC1 was 5 and he decided to have a shave in the bath (still has a small chin scar). My bad.
But at 10? That's ridiculous. And you had the cover on.
Why didn't your DP just move the razor without making a fuss?

DH routinely leaves his razor by the sink in the morning. I always just put it away before our 3 year old gets any ideas. No need to have a go!

Anyway, they use scissors in nursery! I am sure your DP's DD is not a moron.

titchy · 08/04/2018 12:03

However, PMSL at people saying they were shaving at 10!

Plenty do - why is that odd? You do know 10 yo have armpit hair don't you?

snowagain · 08/04/2018 12:11

Google '10 year old girl' and look at the pics that come up.

These girls should NOT be shaving!

Original poster
Sammysees · 08/04/2018 12:34

I guess it depends on the girl. Dsd very overweight and doesn’t puberty start when you hit around 100lbs rather than age? So I’ve read anyway. She is well over 100lbs already so I guess won’t be long. She has very hairy legs but must admit not looked at her arm pits!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammysees · 08/04/2018 12:35

And Vanguard - no she is not a moron but certainly knows how to “play” her dad Hmm

OP posts:
CosmicCanary · 08/04/2018 12:37

My 11 yo has very dark hair and pale skin. She asked if she could shave the hair on her legs as she is embaressed by how dark and thick it was when changing for PE.
I did try to put her off but at the end of the day she was very upset by it and and some other children are simply not kind.

She shaves her legs once a week.

ApocalypseNowt · 08/04/2018 12:38

I think it's really bad for children's self esteem when they're 'babied' and are unable to do age appropriate tasks. I struggled with cutting up food as a child (eating leftie probably didn't help). I distinctly remember being anxious that other people would notice and make fun of me/comment on it.

Winosaurus · 08/04/2018 12:45

Why is it wrong for 10 year olds to shave? Hmm
At 10 I had a full bush of pubic hair and had compulsory mixed-sex swimming lessons at school, which standard black costumes all the girls had to wear (no choice in the matter).
There was no way I would have wanted to walk around/dive into a swimming pool with my pubes hanging out the side of my costume.

Also to the PP who said “google 10 yr old girls”... errr I wouldn’t want that on my search list 😂

Most of the girls in yr 6 at my DD’s school have developed or developing breasts and certainly don’t look like tiny children. If they want to shave their legs then let them

Foxysoxy10 · 08/04/2018 12:47

OK I think child abuse might be over the top but I do think it’s very controlling and VERY unhealthy for the DD!
She is going to have terrible self esteem and self reliance issues when she is older.
To not be able to cut up her own food or use a knife and folk and have to use her fingers to eat at 10 is awful.
The scissor thing is ridiculous as is the razor (maybe a bit more understandable if the cover was off and it was like a flick razor or something but even then at 10 it seems very over the top)

She is going to end up horribly bullied and riddled with so many issues. The poor kid Sad

Your DH is causing massive issues for his DD and is being very unkind to treat her the way he does.

AjasLipstick · 08/04/2018 12:51

Cosmic It's very sad when they feel that pressure isn't it but I think it's better to allow it.

Once they get to my age they won't give a shit anymore anyway! Grin Many women where I live (Australia) seem to have stopped shaving their armpits anyway. I predict a shift in fashion soon.

Freshprincess · 08/04/2018 12:52

Not sure what's so funny about shaving your legs at 10. Can't remember when I first did it, but I was well practiced when I started secondary school.

Tricky one, OP. They are doing her no favours by babying her, but I don't suppose pointing that out will go down well.

Wdigin2this · 08/04/2018 12:58

He's being very OTT, and to me, it sounds like he's not very respectful of you!

Pocketmonster · 08/04/2018 13:00

YANBU!

he sounds like a very over protective parent - not unusual with only children in my experience.

Pocketmonster · 08/04/2018 13:01

If you'd left an actual razor blade or a cutthroat razor on the edge of the bath he might have a point...

colditz · 08/04/2018 13:03

How about we do a little less controlling of who is and is not allowed to have/rid themselves of armpit hair, snowagain?

OP he clearly either wanted to have a go about something or he has no idea of his daughter's developmental stage. Neither is looking good.

Switch your phone off and go out for the day (and tell your SD you love her before you go because the poor kid will be feeling like all this is her fault for being there)

NerrSnerr · 08/04/2018 13:07

but it's a bit grotty leaving it there, when you've been shaving your box or your pits. 🤮
Why is it more grotty on the bath than anywhere else?

I agree OP, he’s being ridiculous.

NerrSnerr · 08/04/2018 13:09

*Google '10 year old girl' and look at the pics that come up.

These girls should NOT be shaving!*

Many girls have started their periods at 10 and have thick leg hair. If they chose to get rid of body hair then they should be allowed.

elfycat · 08/04/2018 13:11

DD1 is just 9 and I can see the 'how to get rid of armpit hair' conversation looming before summer. She's is under an endocrinologist because she was growing body hair at 5yo and now has a substantial amount of body hair. I'm thinking immac cream to begin with and go from there. She's aware that she has adult body hair (and odour... and refuses deodorant at the moment) but that everyone will get it sooner, she's just sooner.

She knows I shave/wax and has mentioned once in passing that she might need to think about it soon. I've said we'll discuss the options when she's ready. She also knows all about periods and options there.

She is a big fan of masterchef and regularly helps me cook, wielding sharp knives and taking things out of the oven. She's going to have a try at metalwork with me over the summer (a hobby I'm just taking up) and I let her operate drills under supervision obviously

YANBU OP. Your dsd needs to be allowed to grow up at her own pace, and not be forced to remain a little girl.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 08/04/2018 13:15

I mean, I was a grown adult when I rubbed my thumb along the top of a razor to see if it was still sharp 34 but that’s down to daftness Grin

YANBU and I would be unhappy at the treating of her like a toddler.

Original poster
Sammysees · 08/04/2018 13:21

Thank you everyone for your views/opinions. I’m at the point now where I’m getting my ducks in a row. Not easy as I only work part time and can’t support myself or my son without him. But looking for full time jobs and hopefully won’t be too long. Trying to disengage from it all and spend as much time out as I can!

OP posts:
partdeux · 08/04/2018 13:24

Seems very overprotective, my DH razor is always by the sink and up till now it hasn't occurred to me to hide it, DC are 5 and 3.
5yo can use scissors and has been explained about the safety, he's also allowed and encouraged to use knives (not the sharp ones , just the ones you would normally use when eating)

CheeseyToast · 08/04/2018 13:28

That poor kid, she hadn't got a hope.

kaytee87 · 08/04/2018 13:32

@Sammysees have you looked into what benefits you may be entitled to as a single parent? Apologies if you have already.

Goldmandra · 08/04/2018 14:00

Not being allowed to use scissors at home is a shame but won't be a major issue as she'll be using things like that at school.

Eating with her fingers and having people cutting up her food for her is the same. She is no doubt perfectly capable of eating in a more age-appropriate way but happy to be babied. When she's ready, she will stop. That will probably be triggered by not wanting to be judged by her peers.

I disagree with all the posters who think this child has no hope, will be bullied, won't ever learn to be independent, etc. Neurotypical children do grow up and they do become independent when it suits them and their parents are pretty much powerless to stop them. They can be pushed to do everything early but, like many aspects of children's development, it all evens out by the time they are in their late teens.

It's really not worth getting wound up about. I know a few parents who baby their children. I don't know of any who have reached adulthood unable to use a pair of scissors or cut up their own food as a result.

What you need to worry about is the dynamic in your relationship that means he gets to have a massive go at you for making a decision that he wouldn't. If he doesn't want razors left where she can get them, all he has to do is ask you.