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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me selfish???

83 replies

Rustyhinge · 07/04/2018 22:27

I have a holiday home which is half mine and half my brothers.
We made a policy that we would not rent it out as no possibility of caretakers and also we have it just as we like it and want to keep it that way.
A couple of days ago I got a text from a friend to ask if friends of theirs could use our house for some time this summer.
This is a longstanding friendship and I am indebted to her in ways which I cannot specify here.
She is also friendly with my brother btw
I just feel so put on the spot, I don’t want to fall out with her but I really don’t want random strangers staying in our house plus we may want to use it ourselves over the summer
Question is should I make up excuses or risk the friendship and tell the truth that we do not ever want to get into these scena4ios?

OP posts:
sonjadog · 08/04/2018 09:24

Just say no you don't let it out. No need to lie.

GooodMythicalMorning · 08/04/2018 09:26

You don't have to give an excuse just "sorry, its not available." No big fuss or drama.

Inertia · 08/04/2018 09:41

^^

What Goood said.

‘Not available ‘ covers every angle.

Original poster
Rustyhinge · 08/04/2018 10:33

As it was a text message and I was bizarrely in the house in question I have decided to ignore it for now. The house is somewhere where internet etc is patchy and I can deny ever having received a text. So she will either have to ask again or read the silence as a reply!
I agree that you are all correct though and I need to just say no.
This friend has been to our house with us and also with her own family a number of times so I don't feel bad about her .
Just couldn't believe the cheek really .
Ironically her husbands family are all from the area where the house is so they would have accommodation nearby just our place is near a buzzy town and a beach whereas theirs is miles from anywhere.

OP posts:
DevilsDoorbell · 08/04/2018 10:38

Stop messing around and just say no. There are some really good responses that pp have suggested why make her guess or ask again.

DingDongDenny · 08/04/2018 10:41

I would say 'I'm happy for you to use it some time, but I'm not comfortable with people I don't know using it and neither is my brother'

sonjadog · 08/04/2018 10:43

You are making a drama out of nothing by not replying. Just say no. It is not a big deal.

witchofzog · 08/04/2018 10:49

If you have read the text there may be a delivery message or message read indicator on their phone.

As per pp just say that you and your brother are using it over the summer so this won't be possible.

Gottagetmoving · 08/04/2018 10:51

It's one thing offering use of your house to someone but it's a bloody cheek for friends to ask, especially for other friends!
My sister has a holiday home. We have never asked to stay there. I also have friends who have holiday homes in Spain and they get fed up of other friends asking if they can have free holidays there.
Just say no, that you and your brother don't want them to use it.

Hadjab · 08/04/2018 10:54

You’re indebted to your friend, not your friend’s friend - just say no.

TidyDancer · 08/04/2018 10:57

Agree yanbu but don't ignore the message. It creates a drama for nothing. There are some good suggestions of replies on the thread. Short and to the point is the way to go.

TrollHunterGeneral · 08/04/2018 11:00

Don't be so childish, by not replying. That's not on.

Just a simple text, any of the one's suggested above. Job done, move on.

No need to make mountains out of mole hills.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 08/04/2018 11:01

I can deny ever having received a text. So she will either have to ask again or read the silence as a reply!

That's not the right thing to do at all.

Just reply, using one of the excellent suggestions up thread. Tell the truth, quick response, job done.

MrsFantastic · 08/04/2018 11:03

I suspect that your friend or her husband were showing off to these friends "oh, our friends have a house in nice tourist area. I'm sure I get her to let you stay there". You really need to discuss it with your brother and then say no you don't rent it. You are not being mean. They are being cheeky.

Babyplaymat · 08/04/2018 11:06

I'd literally just say "no, sorry... between us and bro there won't really be any spare time there, and we don't lend it out as a rule."

Appuskidu · 08/04/2018 11:07

A couple of days ago I got a text from a friend to ask if friends of theirs could use our house for some time this summer.

I think that’s really cheeky! Especially as you say you think the husband is behind it-that makes him sound manipulative!

Just say ‘No, we don’t rent it out, sorry.’

pencilhoarder · 08/04/2018 11:08

Just say its not possible, if you attempt to explain any further if they are pushy (which they sound) they will be tempted to try to negotiate, eg 'Oh we'll fit in with you, just give us some dates it will be empty?'.

My parents had a holiday house near the Med and we got this a lot. We always declined begging requests from outside the family otherwise it would have got mad and we would never have been able to use it ourselves. If something is free people value it less. You might find the friendship cools off somewhat once they get the message.

DeathStare · 08/04/2018 11:09

So she will either have to ask again or read the silence as a reply!

Or she could text your brother rephrasing the message so that it sounds as though you've already agreed. He then begrudgingly agrees (as he doesn't feel like he's got a choice) but is pissed off at you and neither of you can use the house when you like over the summer because a friend of a friend is in it.

I really don't know why you wouldn't reply - it's the adult thing to do. It's not like what you are going to say is contentious Just say "I'm sorry we don't rent the house out and we're planning to use it anyway this summer" If she objects to that then she obviously believes that her friends have more right to use your house than you do and that would just be madness.

Juells · 08/04/2018 11:11

Say ‘I share it with my brother and because we don’t rent it out we don’t have systems in place for this such as caretakers and insurance etc’

Going into details of why something doesn't suit you just opens the door for people to start knocking each objection on the head.

@Sometimesmaybe suggestion of “Sorry would like to help but we will both be using the home a lot this summer. Hope your friend can sort something out”. Don’t get into details, just be clear and to the point. doesn't leave any room for maneouvre, and ends the conversation nicely.

LizzieDarcy1907 · 08/04/2018 11:12

Your silence may be taken as agreement, so you need to acknowledge it. Just say "sorry but it's a second family home and we never let to anyone". Short and sweet. You don't know who the hell these people are, and once you agree to one using it, the floodgates will open.

kaytee87 · 08/04/2018 11:14

Don't ignore the text. Just respond and say you and your brother have an agreement that it's not to be rented out as you don't have insurance or caretakers.

Appuskidu · 08/04/2018 11:16

I would also forward the text to your brother and say:

This is just FYI-I am saying no!

YearOfYouRemember · 08/04/2018 11:18

How does the friendship work when her husband is a manipulative bully? Do the friends of friends know it's yours or is it possible he's trying to pass it off as his?

Hygge · 08/04/2018 11:26

I would try a brief but truthful reply.

"Sorry, we both have plans for the house through the summer and anyway we have an agreement that it's not to be let or lent out as that doesn't work for us."

Don't say you "would love to help but..." or imply in any way that you would agree if your brother does.

That just allows her to think that if she can convince him, you have no problem with her friends using your house.

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