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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me selfish???

83 replies

Rustyhinge · 07/04/2018 22:27

I have a holiday home which is half mine and half my brothers.
We made a policy that we would not rent it out as no possibility of caretakers and also we have it just as we like it and want to keep it that way.
A couple of days ago I got a text from a friend to ask if friends of theirs could use our house for some time this summer.
This is a longstanding friendship and I am indebted to her in ways which I cannot specify here.
She is also friendly with my brother btw
I just feel so put on the spot, I don’t want to fall out with her but I really don’t want random strangers staying in our house plus we may want to use it ourselves over the summer
Question is should I make up excuses or risk the friendship and tell the truth that we do not ever want to get into these scena4ios?

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 07/04/2018 22:59

Just say sorry no. Their friends are not your friends, so why would you?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 07/04/2018 23:00

Would love to but as it is joint owned by brother and I we agreed a long time ago that we wouldn’t rent or let anyone use it

This, surely. I see no reason to employ any excuses - just be truthful about the situation.

Seriously OP, if this 'risks the friendship' then it's not a great one, regardless of previous indebtedness.

Cagliostro · 07/04/2018 23:03

If she’s a real friend then the truth will be a non issue

hdh747 · 07/04/2018 23:04

"Sorry, but it's not available/convenient for us to do this, this summer, do hope your friends can find something else."

You really don't need to say any more. And tbh maybe your friends were nagged into asking and didn't really want to anyway but can report back, with honesty, that they did ask.

Notasunnybunny · 07/04/2018 23:05

If it were for the close friend to use I’d have allowed it but as this is just a friend of a friend I’d simplyn say your brother will be using it

Original poster
Rustyhinge · 07/04/2018 23:06

Thankyou all so much I really wondered if I was just being mean.
I think her husband is behind this for various reasons and was hoping to manipulate me through her as I say she is a really good friend to me

OP posts:
Prancingonthevalentine · 07/04/2018 23:06

Well if she gave you a kidney I'd say let them, but otherwise no. You don't know these people.

Didiusfalco · 07/04/2018 23:08

Say no, and tell her the truth - possibly word for word what the pp said, which sounded good.

If she is a decent friend/person this shouldn't affect your relationship.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 07/04/2018 23:09

Nope. YANBU. "Sorry it's family use only, we don't rent it out at all." Then no further discussion. Cheeky mare!

unintentionalthreadkiller · 07/04/2018 23:12

Say yes once and the floodgates open ime. Sorry, it's for family use only suffices.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 07/04/2018 23:28

As others have said, a simple ‘I’m really sorry but Brother & I agreed when we got/bought it that we wouldn’t ever let it out to anyone’

Don’t get into insurance or caretakers etc or she’ll come up with ways around it.

...and tell your brother what you've said so he can say the same if she texts him.

Original poster
Rustyhinge · 07/04/2018 23:42

She didn't ask if they could rent it
Just if they could use it!!

OP posts:
Tartyflette · 07/04/2018 23:43

And I wonder if they weren't planning to 'rent' it at all and were in fact looking for a free (or at least very cheap) holiday.

Tartyflette · 07/04/2018 23:43

Cross post, oops

Leeds2 · 07/04/2018 23:46

I don't think you would be the slightest bit unreasonable to say no. With or without giving a reason.
But I would discuss it with your brother first, as given that your friend is also friends with your brother, she may have already asked him at the same time as she asked you, or she may ask him once you have said no. Best to present a united front.

DevaDiva · 07/04/2018 23:59

YANBU your friend is being a bit cheeky. My DSIL has a second home
that she kindly lets family and her
close friends use when it's free. We take our friends and family there often but I wouldn't dream of asking if they could go there without us.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 08/04/2018 00:00

Sorry, substitute ‘borrow’ for let. Same applies. You and DB have an agreement that no one else uses it.

bunbunny · 08/04/2018 00:02

Definitely not being mean - doubly so in light of your last post about them wanting to borrow it rather than rent it!!!

I'd speak to your brother before replying on the off chance that he has felt he has had to say yes if Rustyhinge says yes, but double check that he is still in agreement and then use one of the great posts on here to base a reply on to say that you don't rent it out and that you're already planning on using it over the summer but that AirB&B and the local Premier Inn/B&B/whatever hotel are good value in that area if they're looking for something.

That way although you're saying no, you're also giving them a solution if their problem is wanting accommodation in that area over the summer. Saying that it's going to be in use means that there's no point them asking again as they can't stay there at the same time, telling them that you don't rent it out shows that while they might have wanted a freebie, you are certainly not thinking about giving anyone a freebie.

The fact it's for a friend of a friend is also very different as others have said - it would be one thing if you were taking your friend away with you for a break and she asked if her dh could join you, even if that changed the type of holiday you were expecting and you could still say no - but friend of a friend - definitely not.

And definitely read the mexican house thief thread in MN Classics - it's fab.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 08/04/2018 00:04

Just no, like all the others said.

But as Annie said, make sure your brother is up to speed too.

Ivorbig1 · 08/04/2018 00:08

Yanbu.
It’s your special place, nothing ur about not wanting others using it, especially when you don’t know them.
I was once in a similar situ and the tickets had been smoking inside , broke stiff, pretended they knew nothing about it. My mistake, never again.

Ivorbig1 · 08/04/2018 00:09

Tickets?? No idea where that came from ... they had been smoking, and broke stuff

GrasswillbeGreener · 08/04/2018 00:10

Agree about the friend-of-friend bit - my sister and I have use of our mother's cottage. Holiday letting doesn't work for the same reasons you mention - noone local able to fully look after it / clean it in particular. Friends of hers sometimes go there for a low rent knowing that they need to clean before they go. Neither of us would dream of allowing someone we didn't know personally to use it.

UpstartCrow · 08/04/2018 00:12

You should be able to say no without risking the friendship. Do you think its possible that he sent the text from her phone?

honeyroar · 08/04/2018 00:13

Say no, you both want to be able to drop in and out of it without having to plan what weeks are free, so you've made a pact not to let it or lend it (and if you want to be a bit passive aggressive you can add "particularly to people we don't even know" at the end, although they'd then probably think that means people you know might have the rules bent, so it might open a new can of worms!)

Alternatively you could say you want £5k a week in high season - it's v exclusive..

Original poster
Rustyhinge · 08/04/2018 09:04

I cannot find the Mexican house thief thread and now feel compelled to read it
Anyone have a link???

OP posts:
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