To kind of hate being pregnant and worry about not bonding with baby

[Cupcakecafe]

I hate being pregnant.
I have no idea why, I've had probably the easiest pregnancy in the world. I was bloated between weeks 5 and 7 but other than that no issues at all. No morning sickness, no tiredness, no heartburn, no back pain etc. I'm due in 3w so unless something changes I can pretty confidently say it's been an easy pregnancy.
But.
I hate it. I hate every second. I feel like shit mentally. I feel fat, boring, miserable and just like crap. I hate the feeling of when my stomach moves, it's just uncomfortable and annoying.

It was a very much planned pregnancy, and the baby is very much wanted. But everyone always talks about loving their bumps and things but for me it's just annoying and uncomfortable. Does this mean I won't love my baby? I'm worried because I'm not particularly excited, just concerned that I can't do it or I'll be an awful mum. I love children, and my nieces and nephews are my world. But I get to leave them with their parents if they're tired, upset or ill. How am I supposed to look after a human myself and keep them alive and well and happy.
I'm just so scared and worried that I'll be awful and won't love my baby etc. I think hating being pregnant has made me worry about what comes next. Surely I should be happy and excited and everything?

I hated being pregnant too. Also didn't feel the immediate rush of love looking st scan or right after birth. I love her though an absolutely crazy amount. Everyone is different and you will feel it. Day 2 i just looked at her and melted. She's 6 months now and has my heart in her chubby palm. We are all different

Is this your first?
I was exactly the same with my first. Hated every minute of the pregnancy and was terrified. Hated the birth too and did not bond straight away.
I did however develop a bond with him after he was born over time and now i am so in love with him in a way in which I have never loved anyone or anything before!
Pregnancy and giving birth is not always a joyful experience for women. You are really not alone and I would not worry too much about it to be honest. It is sort of presented as this magical experience that is supposed to fill you with joy in all the leaflets you are given and on tv etc.... but for some women its just a nightmare from start to finish... even if you do not have any serious medical problems caused by it it can still get you very down.

I found the first weeks of having the baby very very hard but it gets a lot easier very quickly. Once your child starts smiling at you and interacting with you I think its very hard not to bond with them!

Your fears are totally normal and shared by loads and loads of women. Try not to worry!!

If you don't feel that rush of love please don't worry!
It's not a thing that happens with every child.

It's ok to hate being pregnant. It's physically tough.
It's ok to not bond straight away. New babies are tough too.

I really hated being pregnant... was sick every day, terrible heart burn, felt huge and pretty lonely actually as was too tired to socialise. But it did not affect how I felt about the baby... I loved her immediately and a year on am ready to go through another awful pregnancy!

I feel similarly to you. It does not affect how you feel about your baby. We are planning a second baby, I’ve had miscarriages and very much want a successful boring pregnancy. It does not mean I will actually enjoy the feeling.

My mum had IVF and felt the same.

My point with this is even women who have to go to great lengths still sometimes dislike the way it feels, it doesn’t mean we are bad mothers. Good luck!

I've always viewed all the changes in my body and unpleasant things as side effects of having a baby and no one likes side effects. It doesn't mean I don't love her or won't be able to bond with her, the process of pregnancy and labour are simply wearing on the body and mind.

The movement is weird at times, occasionally i feel like an alien is going to burst forth from my stomach. I did get myself in the habit early on of rubbing and holding my bare stomach at home and encouraged my husband to do the same. That has helped us both develop a bond with her and she is very responsive to both of us touching my stomach. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt sometimes, isnt tiring or annoying other times. Although after having to go to the hospital recently because she stopped moving, I feel much more grateful for every karate kick to my stomach and painful bum nuzzle to my ribs.

Overall though, yeah I loathe pregnancy too, all I want is the baby, the rest really blows. It doesn't make me a bad person anymore than it does you and I don't think it will stop either of us from bonding after giving birth.

The rush of love doesn't happen with everyone and when it does, it is just hormones. I had it with DS but I actually believe I love him more deeply 5 months later for actually getting to know him and bond with him. As corny as it sounds, I fall in love with him more and more every day. I felt like he was a stranger at first!

I did love being pregnant BUT I couldn't and still can't think of my bump and my baby being the same thing if that makes sense? I still sometimes forget that my son was also kicking me from the inside 6 or 7 months ago. It's hard to explain!

4DC here and always felt relieved when the placenta came out!
I was not prepared for the rocks with blue veins on my chest the first time my milk came in either.
When pregnant, It was like my body had it’s agenda and I felt sort of out of control.

I do know a couple of people who only really feel well when they are pregnant and I think it’s better to feel best when not pregnant if that makes sense. Good luck OP. It is all such a mind blowing experience and not all of it is sparkly and lovely.

I was the same. Hated being pregnant even though it was an easy pregnancy. All pregnancy is tough and changes your body so much - it's a difficult time. I thought I would be stood in fields of lavender, glowing, wearing flowing dresses and knitting booties for baby. Instead I was incredibly grumpy for 9 months. I didn't cry or get overwhelmed at the scans. I was worried by this fact.

I don't remember baby being born or first cuddle (only used gas and air and had forceps) so no idea if I felt the first rush of love or not. But I bonded so well with him and we have an amazing connection. I couldn't have ever imagined it was possible to love anyone as much as I love him.

I'm currently 31 weeks with my third and know exactly what you mean. Pregnancy sucks. It's worth it in the long run though (otherwise I wouldn't have put myself through it twice more!).

Just be prepared though that it's not over once you've given birth...it took me a good 6/7 months afterwards to feel like "me" again. No one told me that would be the case!

I hated being pregnant. I insisted at 37 weeks I would never do it again
I also didn't get the rush of love after the birth... it took a few weeks.
I wish someone had told me at the time that all this was normal!
DS is nearly one and I never knew I could love anything as much as I do him. And we are going to start trying for DC2 after his first birthday!

I think some people probably do love being pregnant - but I think there are a lot of unrealistic expectations about it and how "magical" it will be.
I remember being out for dinner with friends (who have no children). I had awful reflux and had just been to the toilet to puke. When painfully waddled back from my puking, one of my dear friends (who has never been pregnant) announced that she is "going to love being pregnant so much". I rolled my eyes and told her not to be so sure.
I look fondly back at my first pregnancy even though know I hated pretty much all of it (currently 38w pregnant with 2nd).

Loved pregnancy, but took months to bond. Doesn't seem to have affected the long term.

In the beginning, worry about keeping them alive and well - happy is a challenge. For the first weeks they can't smile, so it sometimes feels that all your efforts are going towards keeping them mildly displeased as opposed to totally furious. (I've never been a baby person).

I loved my first pregnancy, hated the second. I was 38 with the second and not as fit, had migraines and other delightful symptoms. I also developed ante-natal depression and had great support from the midwifes. They kept an eye on me and I did develop post natal depression, started on tablets and everything got much better.
I am not saying you will develop PND but it won't harm to talk to your midwife.
It took me a few weeks to bond with baby and like other posters, couldn't love him more now

Don't worry OP. I also hate being pregnant (despite having a relatively easy pregnancy).

I don't feel healthy our beautiful or love my bump. I just want to feel like me again. After DS1 I felt like me after about 3 months, so it takes time and don't panic if you don't get the overwhelming feeling of love. Labour can be traumatic and tiring so it's normal to not 'love' your baby at first sight.

Once you have spent time and get to know them you will fall in love. I never believed in love at first sight anyway

I think I bonded with my babies so well mainly because I was so fucking happy to no longer be pregnant! It sounds weird but I didn't entirely connect the babies once born to the hateful bump, iyswim? I loved them so much yet hated being pregnant.

Pregnancy is pretty horrible even when it's good. I hated being pregnant at the time, now I know I'll never do it again I kinda miss it. I swear having a baby on the inside is very different to having one on the outside, the first moments of looking at the tiny little one and actually touching them for the first time is a whole huge exhausted mix of beautiful, terrifying, breathtaking, overwhelming and amazing, relief that its over and terror that its all just beginning but the fact that you are worried tells me that you are already a great mum!! Worrying is a huge part of parenting and I swear as hard as the bad times are, blink and you'll be filling in school applications. The first 12 weeks are the hardest for everyone!

I hated being pregnant and thought I wouldn't bond with the baby. I didn't even buy anything and my mum had to march me to mothercare at 35 weeks to buy babygrows.

However, as soon as they handed me DS I just became this primeval tiger. It wasn't some sort of rose petals and angels singing starry-eyed moment. It was more like an instant transformation into a baby-defending machine. He was mine, part of me, and no fucker was going to come between me and him.

Made me a bit bonkers at first because I didn't even like other people holding him and I couldn't be more than about 5m away from him. However, that did die down and let me assure you, 7 years on there is a hell of a bond!!

Hated pregnancy and it was even worse the second time - my first thought after giving birth was "thank god i'm not pregnant anymore". However it didn't impact how I bonded with my children. It did take a bit longer with my first, but I think I suffered a with a fair bit of undiagnosed post natal anxiety. Second time around was far easier on all fronts; bonding, coping, not sweating the small stuff, etc.

I fucking hate being pregnant. I very nearly chickened out of doing it again after a hideous time carrying DC1. Well, here I am 30 weeks gone with DC2. I have a catalogue of issues/complications: haematomas, HG, anaemia, severe acid reflux, migraines, restless legs, skin hyperpigmentation, SPD. And, because all that is no fun at all, antenatal depression. It's SHIT. I'm just waiting it out as best I can.

Nobody has to enjoy being pregnant. I would happily grow this baby in a gro-bag if I could!

DC2 is currently punishing me for writing that by kicking me hard, and repeatedly, in the cervix.

I have hated every single pregnancy I've had. It was torture for me: chucking up several times a day, painful stuff going on, high-risk pregnancies, the lot.

I love every single child I've had with a passion. They are all miraculous, wonderful people.

Pregnancy is a bastard. I wish I could have not done it. But my children are wonderful, and I'd not be without any of them.

Even though some pregnancies are easier than others, they’re all pretty shit let’s face it. People can pretend they’re an enjoyable and wonderful thing all they want but it just isn’t realistic. What is enjoyable about being a beached whale that is constantly poked and prodded with probes and needles and has to piss every two minutes exactly? It’s not a glamorous thing by any stretch of the imagination, as much as certain celebs try to portray it to be.

You’re not alone in finding pregnancy a grim thing. It’s also difficult to bond with some weird alien that wiggles around in your abdomen and looks like a couple of boobs on a scan. The bonding and ‘rush of love’ isn’t instant for many women (it wasn’t for me with my first DC after a traumatic birth, in fact it took me six weeks in total to fully bond...) but it will happen.

Try not to feel bad about it. I think the fact you’re worrying is a good sign you actually care.

Totally meant to write couple of blobs . Freudian slip...

I hated my pregnancy despite the baby being planned and very much wanted. My birth experience was very straight forward and dare I say underwhelming, but I've never had a problem bonding and the love for my DD is beyond anything I could describe.

For me the happiness and excitement came after the birth when I'd had a good nap, a hot bath and a decent meal. Before that was a little hangry as struggled to eat towards the end of my pregnancy, so when I gave birth I was more overcome by hunger than overwhelming love