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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Washing up while babysitting - WWYD?

75 replies

Malenkaya · 07/04/2018 20:32

I'm babysitting for friends tonight. They have two DC, DS5 and DS3. My friend has gone out straight from work at 6 tonight and her DH left when I arrived here at 6ish.

For context both friends work full time, but friend's DH was off today so in sole charge of kids. I've put the kids to bed and come down and realised there's loads of washing up to do. Clearly none has been done all day.

Usually when I babysit I don't mind having a tidy (and my friend is absolutely ok with this, no boundaries being overstepped etc!) so my friend comes home to a nice house. BUT if I do it then she might think her DP has done it. The truth is her DP is a bit of a man child when it comes to pulling g his weight in the house. Friend shoulders all the emotional labour and wife work and her DP has to be micromanaged to tidy after himself and the kids. Friend I'd frequently pissed off about this.

So: shall I wash up and hide the evidence? Shall I wash up but tell her he left the kitchen in a state? Or shall I leave the lot so she can see what he hasn't done today?

OP posts:

pimlicolife · 07/04/2018 21:21

I definitely wouldn't wash up

Grumblepants · 07/04/2018 21:21

I've done this before when I babysat my niece. I cleaned my brothers flat, washed up, threw away rubbish (it was a real state). I didn't get any thanks for it, but I felt better for doing it. Turned out my brother assumed his gf did it and she assumed it was him.
Do it because you will feel good for helping your friend, whether you get the thanks or not.

OCSockOrphanage · 07/04/2018 21:23

I'd clean it up for you too, but put it down to OCD. I have long standing friends whose kitchens I have to clean and tidy; it's become a joke after 35 years friendship. I can't stand untidy kitchens and it doesn't phase them, but they can't cope with using my desk space. We are still friends.

SShaming · 07/04/2018 21:23

Do they pay you for babysitting?

Mummadeeze · 07/04/2018 21:29

We often leave washing up in our house for a while and do it when we feel like it, when we are less tired or when we need to use stuff that is dirty. Sometimes there is a pile, sometimes there isn't. We are happy living like this. If you came to babysit for me, I would rather you left it for me to do in the morning than you did it as it would make me feel bad. I don't know your friend but I would definitely prefer it if you left it how it was.

MrsSchadenfreude · 07/04/2018 21:30

I might do it, but leave everything stacked neatly on the side, and say "The kids were asleep early, so I did your washing up, but didn't know where anything lived, so rather than poke about in your cupboards, or put stuff in the wrong place, I've left it on the side."

Mumtothenipper · 07/04/2018 21:33

I’d totally do it. If I babysit for friends, I’d love them to come home and the kitchen be all cleared away so tomorrow morning they can wake up and have a beautiful clear kitchen to walk in to.

But then I’m that friend that washes up anyway when I come to yours. Friends that eat together, wash up together in my book.

hibbledibble · 07/04/2018 21:35

Are you being paid for the babysitting?

When I used to babysit I would wash up the dishes after eating with the children, but leave any dishes in the sink. I think that fair, as I was being paid to look after the children, not tidy the house.

In short, I wouldn't wash up, no.

Duck90 · 07/04/2018 21:35

I would do the washing up, but probably not put it away.

Caterpillarx1 · 07/04/2018 21:37

Do it for her, she’s a friend. Even though her dh should have. But if you don’t, she will have to come in and do it. Just make a point and say ‘managed to get the kids to sleep fairly quickly so I washed the dishes’

StealthPolarBear · 07/04/2018 21:43

Do you think he left it for you to do, or just left it as he hadn't got round to it?
Do you need to eat a meal there?

Viviennemary · 07/04/2018 21:44

If I felt like doing it and thought the person would appreciate it then I'd do it. but if I didn't then I wouldn't. If somebody did my washing up I'd be very pleased.

Lunde · 07/04/2018 21:47

A few bits that hadn't been got to - OK. But I wouldn't do it in these circumstances as it sounds like the "D"H has deliberately left the "wimmin's work" for you.

Izzy24 · 07/04/2018 21:48

Why would she have to come in and do it?

She can leave it to him just like you can (obviously you are a very good friend and kind person but don’t do it).

Tinkobell · 07/04/2018 21:49

I'd give it 30 mins but no more

YaBasic · 07/04/2018 21:50

OP I would bloody love you if you did this for me
It will prevent yet another row in the morning if they are anything like me.
You are doing it for her not him.
You could always leave a note - You don't need a vagina to wash dishes ;-)

MarthaArthur · 07/04/2018 21:54

When i was a teen i babysat multiple families for years and always did the washing up as it was just something to do. I tidied up as well. No complaints. I had multiple bookings in fact. Her relationship issues lie deeper than her thinking her dp did the dishes.

SD1978 · 07/04/2018 21:54

If it’s a friend, I’d do it. It’s obvious she’ll be expected to when she comes in, or it’ll cause a fight after the night out as he hasn’t done it, and spoil the evening. A quick round of dishes isn’t going to hurt and I wouldn’t mention it. He’ll know you’ve done them, she won’t have to, everyone is happy.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 07/04/2018 21:55

I'd do it, then when they get home tell Bob that you tidied up the mess he left in the kitchen.

fuzzywuzzy · 07/04/2018 21:57

I wouldn’t. Purely because you know your friends husband doesn’t pull his weight and takes the piss.

I wouldn’t enable him. You’re there to babysit not be his skivvy.

Washing up dishes he’s left is enabling him to continue being a manchild.

I wouldn’t do it.

planetclom · 07/04/2018 21:58

I'd text her and say, all well, just going to do the washing up as they are being so good.

MistressDeeCee · 07/04/2018 21:58

Why are you analysing their relationship? You're there to babysit aren't you? So just focus on that. You think he should have washed up. He didn't. Just leave it.

I wouldn't passively aggressively do it then make it very obvious I'd done it, as some have suggested. What for? Is it so she can tell off or be disapproving of her DH? I can't see the purpose in proving whatever point it may be. Different if he was your husband, and had left piles of washing up.

Over-involving yourself in others' relationship dynamics never ends well

Mumtothenipper · 07/04/2018 22:18

Have you done it?

hibbledibble · 07/04/2018 22:21

Also to add that just because the husband didn't do any washing while looking after the children all day, that doesn't make him lazy.

I can't do washing up while at home with my children while they are awake, as I have a velcro baby and two older ones who start fighting if I turn my back for a second.

QuiteLikely5 · 07/04/2018 22:35

Fgs do not report back to her that you washed up!

You may we’ll ruin a much needed good night out

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