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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how mums of young child manage to not look like *#&@ all the time?

78 replies

MamamamaT · 07/04/2018 19:28

Just that. I have a toddler and am also pregnant, I''m not working but always rushing around. If (big if) I manage to put on make up in the morning, I certainly don't manage hair, my clothes are covered in food and gunk by the end of the day and I always like frazzled and bedraggled. Anyone got any lifesaving tips?

OP posts:
AthenaAshton · 07/04/2018 20:07

I spent about 15 years with babies and toddlers looking appalling (me, not them). Things have improved now that they are older and I have more time.

Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 07/04/2018 20:08

If you find the answer I'm all ears. I used to be shit hot on glamour always looked fab now not so much got an energetic two year old and my 65 yo mother looks better Sad my day will come again. I hope Smile

Oddsocksforeveryone · 07/04/2018 20:09

I used to check my make up on the way out of the door, now I just check that my nipples are pointing in the right direction and that there's no visible baby vomit.
When the youngest (of my 4) starts sleeping more than 2 hrs a pop I'll get back on track.
I must admit though since my hair started to curl I don't seem to need to do anything with it as people always comment on the big ringlets, so that saves me a job.

SweetMoon · 07/04/2018 20:09

Shower with the door open while toddler plays (safely obviously) nearby. Then Learn the art of doing your hair and makeup in 10 minutes flat!

1981m · 07/04/2018 20:11

I looked like shit and let myself go for the first two years after having dd when ds was 2. I would never wear make up and barely had time to brush my hair. Sometimes the first time I looked in the mirror to see what I looked like was in the car.

It's only now dd is 3 that I am sorting myself out. Lost weight, going to the gym, brought new clothes, underwear and make up. The first two years I was just trying to keep my head above water.

OnTheRise · 07/04/2018 20:12

If your children are warm, fed and happy, and mostly clean, you're SUPERWOMAN. If you are wearing clothes which aren't entirely encrusted with sick and snot, and are upright and engaged with your children, you are being wonderful.

Stop worrying about how you look and what people might think. Be proud that you are raising lovely, fun, happy children who look forward to each new day.

Time passes. This is just a phase. All will be well.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 07/04/2018 20:14

I've always been VERY self conscious so would rather have got up super early to make sure I had time to sort myself out. However I'm now 33 weeks pregnant (also have DS1 who is 11 and DS2 who is nearly 4) and I honestly just don't care anymore. I maybe do my hair and make up once or twice a week but I have about 4 outfits that still fit me so clothes wise I never feel amazing.

I can't offer advice just letting you know you aren't alone.

AprilShowers16 · 07/04/2018 20:19

This is me, in fact the baby is here now and it’s even harder because any spare time I had before is now taken up with breastfeeding. I try to do my nails when I have a spare moment because that makes me feel nice and it’s a peaceful thing to do. I make sure I have a shower every morning and wash my hair every other day but that is about it at the moment. When I’ve lost a bit of baby weight and can find the time I want to restock my wardrobe with some solid basics so I can throw in clothes that fit and match easily. But I also hold on the the fact that this is just a phase and it will end one day

Lookingforadvice123 · 07/04/2018 20:22

Those who say they don’t have the time in the morning, do you have partners? I have no idea how single working mums do it, as on the day when I have to take DS to nursery, I get myself ready to leave by 7:15am and DH gets himself (he has a shaved head so all he needs is shower/dress/teeth brush) and DS ready. I eat breakfast in work.

On my day off though, we don’t have to be anywhere by a certain time usually (or not before 10am anyway!) so it’s easy to give hair a quick straighten and do basic make up. I don’t understand how you wouldn’t have time, with a toddler? It was harder with a littler baby, but I was lucky that as
a baby DS would wake around 6:30am, have a bottle then nap again straight away for about 45 mins, so I would shower/get ready during this time.

MerryDeath · 07/04/2018 20:26

i've got an 11 month old and I'm a disaster. it was about 4pm the other day and i tried on some sunglasses. when i took them off i realised i had a load of sleepy dust that had been there since the morning. i hadn't looked in the mirror before then Sad

Turnocks34 · 07/04/2018 20:27

My hair gets done the night before and generally will hold well. I get up at 5am, my kids get up at 5.30 ish (joy) but I like to get my make up and get dressed before they wake. Then I leave for work around 6.30am.

Weekends, my OH watched the boys whilst I get dressed.

Baby wipe any stains immediately. Never wear anything other than black/grey.

Also my kids go to bed early, at 6.30pm. Twice a week I put false tan on. My great grandad is Pakistani and I have a weird yellow tinge to my skin. Without a tan I just look really ill.

MrsHarveySpecterV · 07/04/2018 20:31

I'm a SAHM so don't have to be out til about 9 most days but I shower every day, put makeup on every day and clean clothes. My hair is very thick and is usually the main thing I'm unhappy with because it takes so long to style so I usually throw it up in a bun. Also haven't been happy with my clothes for years but I'm pregnant with my third baby in three years and therefore I've only wore leggings and shirts for years because I've either been pregnant or losing baby weight! I keep on top of my roots, have a monthly facial and nails done once a fortnight. I find the facial the biggest help, I often get comments that my skin looks god even though I feel shattered! I think routine is the key. I definitely have a lower maintenance look than before DCs were born but still have a routine for myself in the mornings.

Dingdong1975 · 07/04/2018 20:34

I spend 15 mins on wash, makeup, hair and change into office clothes before my kids get up. Not looking the best but I can't walk into the office looking like a drug addict. My dark eyes circles are permanent.

I can imagine how tired it is being pregnant and looking after toddler all day I have been there. I would recommend a kindle kid for your LO if you can't find 15 mins to yourself, it has been a life saver for me.

Reflexella · 07/04/2018 20:54

Dry shampoo. Life saver

crazycatbaby · 07/04/2018 21:02

My husband works away mon-fri and I have a nearly 18 month old. Mainly shower in the evening and wash my hair (once he's gone to bed) or in the morning, he goes in his cot with peppa on my phone propped on the windowsill Grinquick makeup when he's either having brekkie/watching more peppa or playing. I rely too heavily on screens to distract him I think, but can't get anything done otherwise! Blush

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 07/04/2018 21:17

Pre children I would apply make up everyday, do my nails weekly, get regular hilights and cuts.... this suffered greatly when my two kids came along! They are 4 and nearly 2 now and the youngest in particular seems to have an issue with me doing my hair or makeup and screams and cries the minute I get my stuff out to do it! BUT lately I've been finding the time to do it, i will sometimes get up early before the kids are due to wake so I have time to do my hair and make up in peace or I will just try to occupy them with something else and do my make up bit by bit.

I've recently started a basic skin care routine because I felt my skin looked full and was ageing fast so now everynight I cleanse, moisturise my face and then moisturise my hands and apply a lip balm, been doing that for about a week and it's made a huge difference to my skin and I actually don't feel the need to wear a full face of makeup to make myself feel properly ready if that makes sense, a bit g mascara and eyebrow pencil will do the job if I'm not too fussed

BearFoxBear · 07/04/2018 21:21

I think it's all down to establishing a habit. DH worked away every week - 2/3 nights away every single week from when I was pregnant until ds turned 3 - and I went back to my really intense job when ds was 10 months. You find ways of dealing with everything on your own and weirdly, I find it much harder to get myself and ds out the door in the morning now that dh is here most of the time!!

MerryDeath · 07/04/2018 21:23

oh and my DP is only around on saturday works out of the country 2/3 of the year. although tbqh it's probably easier when he's not here as at least i can focus only on myself and baby.

MerryDeath · 07/04/2018 21:28

also it's all about priorities isn't it. i suppose i struggle to see how I'm worth it as i generally feel shitty about human being existence. a person with higher self esteem would probably place themselves higher up the pecking order.

biscuitaddict · 07/04/2018 21:32

I let DS watch tv/ iPad on my bed while I get ready, 20 mins to 1/2 hour and it makes all the difference to my day. Dry shampoo is great for in between washes. B.B. cream, concealer and mascara on my face - and perfume!

SuzanneSays · 07/04/2018 21:48

3.5 year old and a 2 month old baby here and Dh works away Mon- Fri-I can go days without managing a shower at the moment. When it was just me and toddler I would put a puzzle or some toys on the bathroom floor while I showered and have a chat and was all very relaxed. But Velcro baby doesn’t like to be put down and wakes up after two mins if I do so I never get a chance to do anything at the moment- feel disgusting some days.

Original poster
MamamamaT · 07/04/2018 21:55

Thank you for all your replies, especially the tips! Interesting to hear that some people think it's easy, although I'm comforted that there are plenty who find it extremely difficult! I'm was in good shape but getting to the stage of pregnancy where I feel like a wooly mammoth (or just a mammoth since I have been for a wax recently) which doesn't help. I think hair is a massive part of it though, mind looks shit most of the time. Maybe a bob would change my life?! Although it rains so much round here it's hard not to end up damp and bedraggled pretty quickly. Plus the sensible raincoat - god help me I never thought I'd be seen in one but it's an absolute necessity! I guess as someone mentioned part of it is priorities. I could get up before DS and make myself look presentable but cba hard to persuade myself to lose sleep now when I will soon be up all night with a newborn again. SmileGin

OP posts:
Original poster
MamamamaT · 07/04/2018 21:59

Suzanne, that's part of prob - never been able to put DS down and still hard to leave him for even a few mins. Occasionally he'll play happily while I get ready but often it's totally impossible. So it's constant TV or give up on appearance and normally the guilt wins over the vanity! (Then I resort to screen time later in the day so can cook lunch/dinner/wash dishes stand scrolling on mumsnet

OP posts:
Antislut · 07/04/2018 22:00

Another suggestion, go on YouTube and have a look at different hair pin ups to try. I find that if you do it right enough it can last a few days and you only have to sort a fringe. It can be quite classy as well.

OneStepSideways · 07/04/2018 22:17

I get my eyebrows threaded and tinted every month (toddler strapped into buggy next to me). I've had my hair cut in an easy to manage style with a subtle balayage to make it look more interesting. I wash it, scrunch in a towel and put conditioning oil in it then let it air dry into waves. Once a week I blowdry, wrapping it around a hot brush, so it goes smooth and bouncy.

I cleanse and moisturise when I get up. If I'm going out I put on light make up. Clothes with a bright patten help to hide juice stains and sticky finger marks!