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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I bu or is he

30 replies

Happybunny1994 · 07/04/2018 18:43

I work 20 mins walk a way from work I don’t drive so cycle. You have to pass my house to get to work so often people insist on dropping me home. My mum also works in the same place so often picks me up and drops me off. I’m happy to cycle happy to walk I don’t expect lifts. But last night I mentioned to my partner about a lift home or to check with my mum that she wasn’t going to be down there this was due to having sinusitis a cold and feeling extra crappy. At the end of the day I asked my partner who was picking me up and if they couldn’t to let me no I would happily walk if needed. Turns out He had put his car in the garage so didn’t want to pick me up. when he asked my mum who was picking me up and she said she thought he was and that she was about to jump in the shower he said not to worry she would walk home. So of course my mum came to get me I’ve had the flu/ cold my sinus are swollen and after being on my feet all day she didn’t want me walking home. He knew about the lift it’s a 4 mins drive. My mums now annoyed at him for not wanting to come and get me my step dad said that if that was your Mum I wouldn’t let her walk with a cold. It’s all so awkward I haven’t said anything to my partner yet just don’t no what to say

OP posts:
elportodelgato · 07/04/2018 18:46

Really?

supersop60 · 07/04/2018 18:50

Your post is quite hard to follow.
So, you normally don't need a lift because it's not far, but on this occasion you feel ill, so a lift would have been great,
Your DP couldn't be arsed to come and get you, so your mum did instead.
What do you want to say to your partner? "You selfish sod - I'm ill!" - something like that?

DeathStare · 07/04/2018 19:04

If I'm following this right, you told your DP that you were happy to walk home. If that's right then I don't think either you or your mum or your step-dad really has a right to be mad at him for thinking you meant what you said.

If you felt worse as the day went on and couldn't walk home you should rung him and told him that.

Original poster
Happybunny1994 · 07/04/2018 19:27

I asked him for a lift the night before

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 07/04/2018 19:30

Are you 14?

TalkFastThinkSlow · 07/04/2018 19:35

If you're well enough to work, you're well enough to walk 20 minutes

Heratnumber7 · 07/04/2018 19:37

You guys are really good. I had no idea what the OP was talking about!

validusername1 · 07/04/2018 19:38

What a non issue 🙄 you were well enough to work with a cold, you're well enough to walk home with one too.
Your poor DH being slagged off for nothing.

DeathStare · 07/04/2018 19:40

Initially you said: "But last night I mentioned to my partner about a lift home or to check with my mum that she wasn’t going to be down there this was due to having sinusitis a cold and feeling extra crappy. At the end of the day I asked my partner who was picking me up and if they couldn’t to let me no I would happily walk if needed"

Then you said: "I asked him for a lift the night before"

The fact that you told him you would happily walk if needed suggests that a lift wasn't urgent.

RedSkyAtNight · 07/04/2018 19:49

I think if you'd wanted a lift you needed to be a bit clearer. You can't say you don't mind either way, and them get annoyed because you're not offered one.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 07/04/2018 19:52

You have a cold and that means you can’t get home?? Confused

Tinkety · 07/04/2018 20:04

Turns out He had put his car in the garage so didn’t want to pick me up

I’m confused, how exactly was he meant to pick you up if his car is in the garage? Sounds like he physically couldn’t rather than not wanting to or were you expecting him not to take the car to the garage even though you were well enough to work & said you were happy to walk?

Jon66 · 07/04/2018 20:10

He couldn't be bothered to get the car out again. I would be pissed off. But then i would have rung him and told him to get his arse down there and pick me up. If he didn't I this k I might go on strike for a few days Smile

Lemontart25 · 07/04/2018 20:10

Of course YABU & your mum & step dad! Why does anyone need to pick you up? How did you get to work that morning?

Ubercornsdiscoball · 07/04/2018 20:13

You said you were happy to walk!

PattiStanger · 07/04/2018 20:14

I don't think OP means the car was in the fixing garage. she means the DP had put it away in their garage. Not really a reason not to go out imo but who knows, maybe it's tricky to fit it in or something

RefuseTheLies · 07/04/2018 20:16

I would be annoyed at my DH if he refused to drive a short distance to pick me up from work if I was not feeling very well. Sinusitis can be very painful.

Starlighter · 07/04/2018 20:28

I can’t believe your mum came out especially to drive you home from work! Shock

Your DH should’ve picked you up if you were ill though. Bit mean that he didn’t. But I would’ve phoned a taxi if I wasn’t well enough to walk.

LeighaJ · 07/04/2018 20:28

I'm guessing cold medicine might be affecting the OP's ability to be more clear, cuz it was pretty hard to follow around all those bends and mixed messages.

Maybe that's why her partner wasn't clear on her definitely wanting a ride. Also men do tend to take things said at face value rather than read in to it. Like this part " if they couldn’t to let me no I would happily walk if needed."

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2018 20:31

It sounds like you were expecting them to be a mind reader.

You said you were happy to walk. If you say things you don’t mean, you can’t blame people for doing things you don’t like

TotHappy · 07/04/2018 20:38

People are being a bit harsh. It would have been better for him to cone and get you. But i think he did think you meant what you said when you said you'd happily walk. Others might have read between the lines, but he didn't. I dont think it's reasonable to get mad at gin based on what your mum and stepdad said if you weren't mad already. If you would have thought 'fair enough, i asked, he said no' if they hadn't commented, then ignore their comments. Either way don't tell him 'mum and stepdad reckon you're an arse for letting me walk!' Because it will really piss him off and it's to really their business. Especially when you didn't make it crystal clear what you wanted.

Voice0fReason · 07/04/2018 21:11

I can understand wanting a lift home if you're feeling crap.
However, you should have been clear that you wanted a lift that rather than saying you were ok to walk. Too many hints being dropped with subtle martyrdom undertones.

Can you just clarify - does garage mean the garage at home or in a garage for repair? If it was at home that seems deliberate on your DH's behalf and it is not nice of him not to pick you up. My DH definitely would have picked me up in those circumstances.

Original poster
Happybunny1994 · 07/04/2018 21:34

I mean like house garage I wasn’t really well enough to work by 3 o’clock I felt terrible. but with only few hours left and no one else to cover we would of had to close

OP posts:
DeathStare · 07/04/2018 21:37

but with only few hours left and no one else to cover we would of had to close

But did you call and tell him that and say you really needed a lift? Or was the last communication about this that you were happy to walk home?

I understand you're feeling ill but I think you need to stop being mad at home. Hope you feel better soon Flowers

Birdsgottafly · 07/04/2018 22:03

Do you think he phoned your Mum, because he knew she wouldn't let you walk and he couldn't be bothered coming to get you?

That's out of order, it's guilt tripping your Mum. I would do the same for my Adult DDs.

It's tough because you didn't ask him directly. Let this go. Tell your Mum and Stepdad that you didn't tell your DH how bad you were feeling and in future ask for what you want.