Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To not want dd to be driven by a new driver?

46 replies

Bishbashbosh45 · 07/04/2018 13:31

Dd's friend has just passed her test and has been bought a small second hand Toyota by her parents.

With a few other friends, they are now starting to plan all the cinema/shopping trips they can do together, but I'm not really comfortable with the thought of dd being driven by a 17 y/o new driver in a small car filled with 5 girls, who can be very loud when they're together.

AIBU to say that she can't get in her friend's car until the friend has been driving for at least 6 months?

OP posts:

PinkHeart5914 · 07/04/2018 13:33

The friend passed the test so she is legally safe to be on the road, yes you would be unreasonable to say dd can’t go

LynetteScavo · 07/04/2018 13:33

YANBU.

SherryBaby11 · 07/04/2018 13:35

This happened to me as a teen, my dad refusing me to be driven by a friend's older sister's boyfriend, same reason. Then my Mum spoke to the parents and was reassured that he was very careful and sensible and had had a lot more practice than lessons. I can totally see why you're so worried, it'd make my heart stop until they got back! Can you offer to drive them on the first few trips?

SherryBaby11 · 07/04/2018 13:36

Pink has a point though. Shes as legal to be on the road as anyone else is. Would you trust a newly qualified anything?

MrsLaurac · 07/04/2018 13:42

Im almost 30 have been driving for 5 years and my sister still doesn't like me driving her almost teen around thats when its unreasonable i dont think you are i honestly feel you shouldn't be allowed more than one friend in the car when youve first started driving not a clue how this would be governed mind!

maxthemartian · 07/04/2018 13:42

YANBU. She may be legally qualified but then as discussed yesterday so are hoardes of the elderly who are no longer safe so the bar is not high.

MorningsEleven · 07/04/2018 13:44

I think you are a bit. I was probably a better driver when I passed my test than I am now - too many bad habits these days.

leccybill · 07/04/2018 13:45

I'd say newer drivers are much safer than a high percentage of other kinds of drivers. Especially as they don't want to risk getting points or invalidating their insurance - many new drivers have lots of restrictions.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/04/2018 13:46

YABU. The friend has passed her test and is fit to drive. Don't make a spectacle of DD by saying she isn't allowed in the car with her friends.

bridgetreilly · 07/04/2018 13:47

I take the point about being in a car with loads of loud girls - that is very different from the learning experience when the whole focus is on the driving. I'd be happy with her being driven by the new driver, but maybe not in the big group at first.

yikesanotherbooboo · 07/04/2018 13:51

I don't think YABU but I do think you have to grit your teeth and let it happen. We all went through this. As long as there is no question that your DD would get in the car if the driver had been drinking or taking drugs then I am not sure that you can forbid a 16 or 17 year Lis to do what they want anyway. I do know parents who haven't allowed their children to have more than one friend in the car when they first passed for perhaps 3 or 6 months. We practised on motorways before the DC drove alone .a lot of young people we know drive to school and take their friends from the day that they pass their tests. It's scary but it is a rite of passage.

OnTheRise · 07/04/2018 13:51

Drivers vary enormously.

One of my children passed the driving test after two years of lessons. That was five years ago and they're not the best of drivers yet.

Another one of my children passed the driving test a few weeks after they were 17, after just eight lessons. That was only a few months ago and they are brilliant at driving, and so safe and reassuring to be in a car with.

If your daughter's friend has passed her test then she's deemed a safe driver, and you're being unreasonable not to allow your daughter to drive with her.

ethelfleda · 07/04/2018 13:52

YABU! Get a grip!

TheJoyOfSox · 07/04/2018 13:53

Would you feel as anxious if her friend was older?

Would you want a newly passed 30 yo driver to be on the roads for 6 months before your dd travels with them, or a newly qualified 40 yo?

Would you not want her traveling with an 80 yo or 90 yo, is 75 ok or not?

The thing is, if it’s just her age you’re worried about, you know the friend better than I do. Is the friend sensible or liable to show off.

If it’s because she’s newly qualified, do you ask bus drivers how long they have been driving psv? Because even a bus driver was newly qualified once!

I’d let her go, but be sure to remind her friend that you trust she will drive safely and sensibly, as any mishaps she has now will ruin her insurance as well as meaning she could need to retake her test if she really screws up (I might be wrong with that bit, but I thought young and newly qualified drivers could have their license revoked)

RunYouJuiceBitch · 07/04/2018 13:55

At school I had a friend whose mother wouldn't let her travel in our cars. I'm afraid the rest of us used to just get on with things without her.

We were a sensible bunch, no accidents. We're all still alive and well fifteen years later.

mum11970 · 07/04/2018 13:56

Most 17 year olds have a black box fitted to the car and have to drive carefully, within speed limits or face a big insurance hike.

orangesmartieseggs · 07/04/2018 13:58

How do you plan on stopping her? Genuine question - she could easily walk to her friends and get in the car and you'd be none the wiser.

I passed five months ago at 28 - people don't seem to worry about getting in a car with me even though I've only been driving a short time.

bbcessex · 07/04/2018 13:59

I agree with you - it’s terrifying.

My DS and some of his friends all had / have black boxes, and 2 had Insurance that limited the number of passengers to 1.

New teenage drivers are not experienced , and a car full of excitable friends does not help.

ReasonableLlama · 07/04/2018 14:01

How will it work when your DD passes her test?

I can see your reluctance but I don't think this is something you can stop.

bbcessex · 07/04/2018 14:01

Oranges - I think it’s a maturity thing , more than a ‘new driver’ thing..

As a generalisation, You may be unlikely to be influenced by your passengers and / or take risks...

Zaphodsotherhead · 07/04/2018 14:02

I had this conversation with my DS the other day. His friend (same age as him, 23) has just passed his test and got a sporty little car. DS wanted to go over and get a ride in the car. I was terrified, but DS (very reasonably) pointed out that a person who has literally just passed their test is usually driving at the safest they will ever be.

But they are that bit older. Teenagers, I dunno. Especially if they think that Mum and Dad will just replace the car and suck up any increased premiums if they have an accident.

pallisers · 07/04/2018 14:03

Where I am if you are under 18 you can't drive anyone other than family members for 6 months after you get your licence. Makes sense to me.

RunYouJuiceBitch · 07/04/2018 14:07

Where I am if you are under 18 you can't drive anyone other than family members for 6 months after you get your licence. Makes sense to me.

Except I'm not personally convinced that the difference in maturity between the ages of 17 years 11 months and 18 years one month is that dramatic...

I understand that age limits and cut-off points are needed, but that honestly seems a bit arbitrary to me.

Americantan · 07/04/2018 14:10

My lad is 15 and asked to be driven by his friend who passed 6m ago - on the motorway with 4 mountain bikes on top of a Vauxhall Corsa. I said yes and they do it regularly now. My worry isn’t the driver (he’s not pinning it with 4 bikes on a small car plus their bikes are their world and expensive) but other drivers. But that’s the same regardless of who is driving him. I couldn’t curtail his freedom and his hobby.

Tiredeypops · 07/04/2018 14:17

What about the other 17yo drivers on the road when DD is in the car with you? You just have to accept that life involves some risks.....

Flip

1 2