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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would deal with this - work related.

39 replies

muz2017 · 06/04/2018 11:05

If you knew someone at work had bitched about you, how would approach it? Especially if you considered that person to be a friend?

I saw a Whatsapp conversation between her and another colleague about something I did yesterday that they didn't like. I went for an offsite lunch meeting with an external consultant ( who no one likes) and they didn't like it, asking me why I didn't have a meeting in the office instead. We work in a flexible environment and I know our boss wouldn't mind. I made sure I was quick, and we were back within 45 minutes. I did this because I wanted to discuss things with the consultant for her to work on when we came back into the office, as I knew I would be busy covering for so-called 'friend' as she had the afternoon off work.

I saw the Whatsapp conversation because I went to help one of my colleagues at her desk and the conversation was open on her phone so I could clearly read it.

For background, I work in a small company, run by women and 2/3rds women so can be quite bitchy at times.

I have been told that the boss only likes me because I make her look good. I work in marketing so it's my job to do that, right?

Feel quite hurt as I considered that person a friend and I'm p!ssed off that they are questioning my movements and decisions. I am a 39 yr old professional woman, fgs!

Shall I just keep my head down and get on with things and keep my distance as I know they are b!tchy?

OP posts:
Original poster
muz2017 · 06/04/2018 11:06

PS have name changed as don't want to link to my normal account.

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 06/04/2018 11:06

Shrug it off, unfortunately everyone passes comments on others at some point in time.

ItsAllFun · 06/04/2018 11:09

I would ignore it but play my cards close to my chest in that environment in future.

ScipioAfricanus · 06/04/2018 11:09

I think I’d make a note of time, date and content, but then ignore unless it happened again or escalated. In a way it’s just like them having a whispered conversation about you that you catch the end of - unprofessional, yes, but unless it carries on and becomes workplace bullying (where they would be actively bringing their comments to your attention etc.) I think it’s better not to engage and treat as an indiscreet personal comment which they are within their rights to make. The do sound bitchy and I can understand how hurt you’d feel.

letsdolunch321 · 06/04/2018 11:10

Rise above the negativity & immature comments. Head down and concentrate on having a good weekend

UpSideDownBrain · 06/04/2018 11:10

If you saw a private conversation about work, then you need to leave it. If they had done it publicly that would be a different issue.

You are cross with her for having a private conversation about you, but you are having one about her on a public forum? Can't you see the irony here?

InspMorse · 06/04/2018 11:12

I keep work colleagues (they are not my friends but we are 'friendly') and 'real-life' friends separate for this very reason.
I too would shrug this off & continue as normal but mark her card. She is no 'friend'.

RatherBeRiding · 06/04/2018 11:12

I would ignore it, but take a step back from the "friendship" and keep work relationships strictly professional.

HollowTalk · 06/04/2018 11:13

Were they bitching about you and your boss? I imagine your boss DOES like you if you make her look good - it doesn't mean she dislikes you apart from that.

It's really horrible reading something like that but at least you know who your friends are now. There's nothing worse than being friendly to someone and discovering they're not really your friend.

Flomy · 06/04/2018 11:14

Ignore it and them

HollowTalk · 06/04/2018 11:17

@UpSideDownBrain Can't you see the difference between the OP being upset because she's realised her colleagues are bitching about her, and her posting that on here to get some support?

DaphneduM · 06/04/2018 11:17

Rise above it, take a mental note that these colleagues are bitches, and then put it out of your mind. Keep calm and carry on!! Have a great weekend.

Idontevencareanymore · 06/04/2018 11:17

I'd just keep my distance and stay professional. It's almost like a digital eavesdropping and there's nothing you can do about overhearing someone say things you don't appreciate.

Unless anything discriminatory was said then it's just bitching.

MismatchedStripySocks · 06/04/2018 11:21

You have to just get on with it. There’s two women at work who openly snigger at me and arrange lunches in front of me which is hurtful. However, I consider my personal life to be far superior to theirs (prob best not to put exactly why as it’s personal opinion anyway) so I let them get on with it. I am 100% sure they talk about me but I must be pretty interesting Wink

UpSideDownBrain · 06/04/2018 11:22

OP was reading private messages on somebody's phone when she shouldn't have.
Everybody in an office is free to talk privately about their work and colleagues, as long as they do not let it leak into the public domain.
And how could she tackle it with her colleague? How would she reasonably explain that she had been reading private messages on her colleagues phone?

UpSideDownBrain · 06/04/2018 11:25

OP is right to feel a bit upset, but reading the messages in the first place was out of order.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 06/04/2018 11:28

Trust no one!

ItsAllFun · 06/04/2018 11:52

OP, try to see it as being armed now. Forewarned is armed. You know what you're dealing with now.

Original poster
muz2017 · 06/04/2018 11:53

Thanks everyone.

Guess I was feeling hurt because I classed this person as a friend - we had a rocky start where she didn't like me but I really made the effort to turn it around.

These 2 bitch about everyone, not sure why I should be any different!

Lesson learnt!

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 06/04/2018 12:01

2/3rds women so can be quite bitchy at times.

I was interested in working out what to suggest until I came to this comment. Now, my suggestion is to treat people as people and not get distracted by sexist stereotypes.

Original poster
muz2017 · 06/04/2018 12:05

Sorry finallyhere, that was a sexist comment. Apologies.

OP posts:
Mightymucks · 06/04/2018 12:08

Did your colleagues want to contribute to the meeting? Did they feel frozen out?

I must say given how quickly phone screens close down to home I’m surprised the conversation was visible and that you had enough time to read it so fully.

notacooldad · 06/04/2018 12:15

I would be upset.
You have read a private message so you can't do much about it but you now have the knowledge about their thoughts towards you.
I would use that knowledge wisely in future and play my cards close to my chest from know.

Original poster
muz2017 · 06/04/2018 12:16

No they didn’t want to contribute. They were questioning why I was going offsite and couldn’t use a meeting room. They didn’t let me explain that I was having a meeting over lunch so I could give the consultant work to do when we returned to the office as I had to cover for one of them as they were out of the office that afternoon.

I had to help with reception duties and answer phone which meant I would be interrupted and not able to really focus speaking with consultant and I wouldn’t have been able to go and have a lunch break.

The phone screen didn’t fade to black, I could see quite clearly the conversation and I recognised the style of texting was this woman as she often texts me big, long-winded messages too.

OP posts:
Original poster
muz2017 · 06/04/2018 12:16

notacooldad - I will.

OP posts: