To think that watching porn every evening is too much?

[DevastatedGirlfriend]

Looking for advise really.

I've been with my DP for two years, living together for 6 months. Since moving in together our sex life has decreased dramatically - we're lucky if we have sex once every couple of weeks. This is due to him not initiating or telling me he is 'too tired', also that he has a low sex drive at times. He has also been acting more withdrawn and insular since we moved in together. He has been very secretive with his phone, laptop etc.

This morning I decided to do some digging because I suspected he may be having an affair. I had a look on his laptop and found he'd been looking at tons of pornography sites - every single evening! Sometimes into the early hours of the morning. Some of the time when I am lying in bed next to him!

I confronted him about it and we ended up having a massive row as he said 'every bloke he knows watches porn' and I am in the wrong for snooping on him. AIBU to think that having sex so infrequently but watching porn every evening is not normal?!

YANBU at all. For me, that would probably be the end of the line.

In my opinion not normal.

Only you know the answer to what is ‘normal’ about your relationship though- go with your gut, don’t let him turn it round on you.

Fine in moderation in addition to a normal sex life.
Not fine in replacement to.
YANBU

YANBU. This early in a relationship you shouldn't be having to worry about this. Too much effort. I would be moving on.

It wouldn’t be the porn use but rather the fact he is declining having sex with you and wanking to scantily clad women online instead that I would be most worried about.

Tell him the truth, that you were snooping because you seriously thought he was having an affair. Explain that the lack of sex is upsetting you and that he can’t have a low sex drive if he’s wanking every night!

I would want to get to the bottom of why he is choosing his hand over actual sex.

Agree with BasilTheCat, if you're happy with your sex life (in theory) then porn can be a fun addition, but these circumstances are different. YANBU....

Sorry I should've added in my OP - I told him why I was looking and that I wasn't satisfied with our sex life. He said he's just in a bit of a dip at the moment and is so tired from work and all blokes watch porn.

It's not just "wanking to scantily clad women", it is highly likely that he is wanking to sexualized violence against women. So he probably can't get it up for ordinary nice sex with his partner.

Not every bloke watches porn. Watching porn alone until the early hours every single night would be the death knell for me. Why can’t he be interested in a normal emotional intimate and affectionate relationship with a real person rather than someone on a screen? I would run a mile personally.. that wouldn’t endear me to a partner at all. Ugh

He is so tried cause of watching porn half the night !!!

Nope this isn’t normal. If porn watching is replacing RL relationships then there’s a big problem. I’m not someone who is fussed about porn use but he needs to realise that it’s not normal and healthy in that quantity, sounds like porn addiction. I had a friend in a similar situation (except they were married) and in the end they had to separate. I’d think long and hard about what you’re getting out of this (and run a mile before you’re too involved if I were you).

Not every bloke watches porn.

Google porn addiction. Sorry you are dealing with this x

Seriously OP, this really is tragic. This is supposedly the honeymoon period of your relationship and yet he would rather watch porn than be with you? Is that really all you think you are worth?

Not normal behaviour- maybe porn addiction, as he isn’t interested in real life sex ! Give him an ultimatum

I would worry that because of the amount he is watching that he will become desensitised and go on to view more and more extreme images. What are you getting out of this relationship? I would be repulsed by him. This is not someone who is a forever relationship. Leave him alone with his porn. Leave him.

Watching every night? He's addicted.

So he’s too tired from work but can stay up late watching porn? It does sound like he prefers porn to real life sex which is sad.

Not every bloke watches porn.

He's not actually interested in you.

"and all blokes watch porn."

No they don't. They really don't. He sounds like a real catch

Definitely not normal
It can completely take over and replace normal sex life. I'd be expecting him to quit and try to see if he can reset himself. If he won't or doesn't want to then there's no point continuing. I feel for you, I think I'd actually feel pretty furious if it was every night,

Ugh, dump this loser

Get yourself a proper bloke

LTB.

He'd rather rank off to women being abused and exploited than have sex with you.

Dump and run.

• WANK off