Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the benefit system is just wrong...

50 replies

Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 13:52

So in brief....

I have the 2dcs 8/14, ex husband has them 6/14. We have a court order. I am the primary carer. He has been paying maintenance through the cms (as he wouldn't pay otherwise) since October 2015. There has been no changes to the order or number nights the dcs stay with me or him. He has put a counter claim in for CB was was granted it. So he gets cb for the eldest. He has now presented this information to the cms to say he's the primary carer and that he shouldn't pay maintenance for the eldest!

What kind of fucked up system is this?

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 05/04/2018 14:01

Why was the CB claim granted?

I suppose give or take 1/2 a day you have the kids 50/50 so he can't be paying much in the way of CM? What have CMS got to say about it all?

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:04

No idea. Even the cms are confused. I've asked for mandatory consideration. It will be about 2000 a year difference which is alot to me. I'm awaiting the decision from CB. Need to keep cms informed. The more worrying thing is the cms have said in theory he could then claim maintenance from me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:05

It's over 40 nights a year. So over a month difference.

I pay for everything.

OP posts:
IndieTara · 05/04/2018 14:06

Op agreed it's wrong. Similar happened to me ex h counter claimed for child tax credits and got them. Now Hmrc believe my daughter didn't live with me and have said I owe them £3k overpayment

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:07

It's beyond ridiculous!!! What did you do?

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 05/04/2018 14:08

Well yes that is what I was thinking, re the counter claim for CMS from you. But surely (at least you would like to think) when the figures are put into the system with you having more overnight stays than the claimant, it will reject the claim.

PaintedHorizons · 05/04/2018 14:10

Do you still get CB for the second child?

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:10

You'd think so. They both have a copy of the court order as well!

OP posts:
Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:11

Yes I do. They were both in my name!

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 05/04/2018 14:13

You need to get in touch with Child Benefit urgently and ask them why they granted him CB without contact with you.

They should have used a process which involved speaking to you both and finding out things like - whose address is registered at school, dentist, doctors etc. (although in your case the court order should have dealt with it).

Once you get CB sorted the CMS can follow suit. Get your MP involved as well - they can sometimes shift CB along a bit quicker.

bingoLounge · 05/04/2018 14:14

The difference will be £2,000 so he's paying significantly more than this but you only have them one extra day a fortnight than he does (barely anything).

"What kind of fucked up system is this?"

I agree!

PaintedHorizons · 05/04/2018 14:15

OK so you each get child benefit for one child and you have them almost 50/50.

That's probably the thinking behind the decision

It's not fair if you pay for everything and not fair if he is earning more but there is a sort of logic there.

I have seen it where a resident parent gets CB, HB, Tax Credits and Maintenance and the non RP gets nothing to help with his/her costs.

Impossible to be comepletely fair in a break up.

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:16

Bingo.... That's not the point. He gives me. Maintenance I pay for everything!

They did go through a process. They asked me. I gave them the court order. The dcs are registered with me for school/drs/dentist etc. And yet they still granted it to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:17

I just don't understand how he can claim to be primary carer! He's not.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 05/04/2018 14:28

No he's not the primary carer.

Technically you are the primary carer.

Realistically you are more equal in your care.

The system isn't fucked up. This needs reviewing and a more realistic split of finances.

lalalalyra · 05/04/2018 14:29

You need to go through CB's appeals procedure then, sounds like an error.

lalalalyra · 05/04/2018 14:31

That's probably the thinking behind the decision

That's not CB's decision to make though. The court would have ordered 50/50 if they wanted it to be 50/50.

CB have to follow their procedures, and legally the primary carer is the one entitled to the CB.

If the OP's ex wants to challenge that then he needs to go to court, it's not down to someone working for CB to unilaterally decide.

Vickxy · 05/04/2018 14:31

The system sounds pretty unfair. But he also sounds like a bit of a twat, tbh

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:32

Lala - that's what's I'm doing.

I agree the whole system needs looking at. My issue is that with or without maintenance I would be paying for everything. I'm lucky I've been able to find a job following being a sahm otherwise I would be up shit creek...

OP posts:
Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 05/04/2018 14:34

Lala exactly. I'm playing by the rules. The court order 8/14 because my proposal was putting the kids first. His wasn't.

The court order should dictate everything else. The CB can't just go well its about right. It's either 50/50 or its not!

OP posts:
SweetMoon · 05/04/2018 14:40

You have them pretty much 50/50 and you say you pay for everything but he pays you maintenance and that's what the maintenance is for, to buy stuff for the kids. So actually you don't buy everything.

I assume he pays for them when they are with him though?

TBH if you have them pretty much the same amount of time I don't see it unreasonable to split the CB 50/50.

swingofthings · 05/04/2018 14:46

Sorry but it comes across as you being angry because you're going to get a lot less money. Having the children 1 day extra doesn't have to make you the main carer. If you have an issue with it, then make it 7/7 which would be more logical anyway.

It's been agreed now that he can be the main carer of one of the children, so let him be so. He can buy most of everything for that child and then it's 50/50.

I think the system is very unfair when someone can claim a good amount of maintenance from an ex who actually has the children almost the same amount of time.

TreeClimbingMonkey · 05/04/2018 14:48

So actually you don't buy everything.

Yeah, I bet he goes halves on uniforms, shoes, trainers and school coats. He will pay a pittance towards what it actually costs to feed and clothe a child.

Child benefit is higher for the first child so he is getting more than OP gets for the second child. I have yet to meet someone who can pay for everything from child benefit for their children.

Ds1 has just turned 15, he is in adult clothing, his shoe size is a 10. An adult 10.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 05/04/2018 14:50

So from now on you reduce what you pay for as he has cash to do so too.
Also keep meticulous records of your spending and give it 6 months then contact cb again with your documents.
Keep a diary of all appointments you organise and attend with dc.
Screen shot homework you assist with /details of clubs etc you take the dc to.
Prove you are the primary carer.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/04/2018 15:03

They look at things like whose address the doctors/dentists use who takes the kid to school, they would have asked him to provide evidence from all these people to support his claim. A court order alone is not enough

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.