To think the benefit system is just wrong...

[Runlovingmummy81]

So in brief....

I have the 2dcs 8/14, ex husband has them 6/14. We have a court order. I am the primary carer. He has been paying maintenance through the cms (as he wouldn't pay otherwise) since October 2015. There has been no changes to the order or number nights the dcs stay with me or him. He has put a counter claim in for CB was was granted it. So he gets cb for the eldest. He has now presented this information to the cms to say he's the primary carer and that he shouldn't pay maintenance for the eldest!

What kind of fucked up system is this?

He doesn't got halves on anything I pay for uniform/shoes /coats /football boots/pe kit/trips/passports etc I pay for after school activities on his days etc.

My point is maintenance or not he expects me to pay for these so without maintenance I'll be buying these and he won't contribute.

Child benefit is higher for the first child so he is getting more than OP gets for the second child.

Not really relevant in this case because I imagine it'll be sorted, but in CB is higher for the first child on each claim. So when parents claim for one child each they both get the higher first child rate.

Doctor dentist school etc is all my address. I am the primary carer at school.

So now he will have to pay for this, end of.

He must have worked out that it will still come cheaper than what he pays now. Not only will he have to pay less maintenance now, but will be able to claim from you, although you'll still get more from him than him from you if he earns more so really, you are still better off.

We can't really judge on here what's fair and what's not though. I know several families who split the CB between 2 and have kids residing at different adresses - sometimes also for school places - so it's not that unusual. Each parent has one child as Main Carer and each parent sees both children 50% of the time.

It does require a degree of give and take. And if one parent is massively rich and the other not, or one working and the other not, or has a second family etc it is more difficult.

Problem is he takes. He's the high earner. I've only just started back to work as we agreed I'd be at home with kids until they were at school.

I agree that the whole system is wrong. My current partner pays way more than I get for the same number of nights as ex husband despite his ex wife being a high earner. He doesn't go through cms as he just uses the system to work out the figure.

I agree that the whole system is wrong. My current partner pays way more than I get for the same number of nights as ex husband despite his ex wife being a high earner. He doesn't go through cms as he just uses the system to work out the figure.

Tbh that's totally irrelevant. Your DP pays a percentage of his wage, it doesn't matter at all what his ex earns. She could be a multi-millionaire and he would still be obliged to pay that percentage of his wage.

Just like it won't matter what you earned once you get it sorted, only your ex's income.

Isnt that fraud?

Upstart.... What do you mean?

So what evidence did you send to the child benefit people to show your child lived with you.

The court order. Proof of address for school etc

I don't think it's actually the fault of the benefits system because it's a benefit offered per child so how a couple even if separated share this shouldn't really be up to the benefits people to decide IMHO. The care is practically half each and he also pays maintenance. Although technically you are the primary carer I don't think there's much in it. So I can see why he doesn't think he should pay maintenance. Sorry if I've misunderstood.

Re-read your post. I agree he should be paying half of the cost of the children's activities and other expenses such as clothing.

Your practically 50/50... if he had 1 more day a fortnight you would both have a week each, so only 26 extra days a year.

I think it’s pretty fair he gets half the childcare and if it’s 50/50 he doesn’t need to pay maintenance as it’s shared care. He should however be paying half of school trips, uniform and clothing, not food etc as he has to pay for that when there with him, same with housing costs.

half the child benefit

I think the issue is that the 2 agencies don't work together. The cms work out maintenance based on number of nights (which I have more) so am entitled to maintenance. I agree if he contributed but he doesn't at all. He insisted I had to pay £6 for an after school activity on his day. School shoes/coats/pe kit/milk/school activities /trips etc etc all paid for by me.

But currently the maintenance you receive will be paying for activities/uniform etc.
From your op you will still get maintenance for one child and you pretty much split days 50/50 so I think it sounds about right. If he stops maintenance for the eldest then he can pay for clubs and clothes.

In the end what matters I'd say is the amount. If the amount of maintenance is more than half of what you spend on activities and all the other extras then it's fair. Plus maybe a bit more because you do have them an extra 26 days a year. So extras plus say 10%. But he can't stop paying maintenance and expect you to pay 100% of all activities and extras.

He's been emotionally abusive in the past so I kmow he will. One of the reasons why I left him. He emptied all our bank accounts them and took control of our joint savings for the boys so he's got history of abusive with this. He's predictable.

Have you appealed?

Yeah it's a mandatory resolution appeal or something. I did that in December but it takes weeks. This has come to light because the cms contacted me asking of the eldest lived with me as he had submitted the CB grant stated he was now the primary carer for one of the children.

Right - so you pay for child who you receive for and him the other. He's claimed as primary carer so everything goes in his name, school trip bills are sent to him, he is primary carer on school forms and provides uniform etc. School clubs bill him.

As PP have said its almost 50/50 care so right he should get CB for one of them. Of course he does pay for them, who pays for their food, heating, electricity and everything else when they are staying with him?

I can see if he is giving you maintenance it would be your responsibility to buy things like school uniform etc. Just change to fully shared care, no maintenance and you share all children costs equally.

And if all the school bills go to him then would he be able to reduce maintenance for that child?

We never did maintenance - I paid when they were with me, he paid when they were with him - which was not often - BUT he paid for holidays and we lived in a house that he mostly owned and he paid to live elsewhere so it seemed fair.

I accept that you need a degree of co-operation for that to work though