AIBU or is my friend?

[Usemyshortname]

I've NC...I have a first name that I have shortened and used for a very long time 18+years! I HATE my first name.

Eg. Katherine to Katie

One of my friends insists on calling me by my full first name. I have corrected her a number of times but she still calls it me and says it's difficult for her to remember my short name as she's always known me by my full first name...throughout secondary school...I changed it at college.

1. I HATE my full first name for many reasons and have told her the reasons.

1. I just don't call myself it and nobody else does apart from her and her DH...I've asked/told him too but he says it's hard as she's only ever referred to me by that name (newly together). When she introduced me as Katherine I just said "o call me Katie please" Thinking ah that's easy...he kept calling me Katie but since after that night calls me Katherine.

1. She hates her full name herself and only uses her short name so you'd think she would get it!

I've tried correcting her EVERY time and she ignores it...I have tried ignoring her and not answered but then it gets awkward between us and I just give in and answer or not correct her...she said I need to reclaim my full name as it's a beautiful name but quite simply I don't want to as I like my short name that is relevant to my first name... It's getting to a point where it's really starting to grate on me and not want to see her anymore. I have other friends from Secondary who call me by my shortened first name no problem.

To be fair she has tried a few times to call me by my short name but then reverts to calling me by my full first name.

I do use my full first name for interviews, formal stuff etc but 99% of the time it's my shortened name.

Am AIBU that she should call me by my name short name as requested over the last 18+years?

YANBU although she’s probably not doing it on purpose. I also have a short first name and dislike my full name.

YANBU and your friend needs to respect your wishes.
If she doesnt, just drop her.

Did you post about this exact same thing with your parents?

YANBU I have similar, nobody but my family call me by my full name, I was very badly bullied at school and when I went to uni I decided to have a fresh start with my shortened name, to me I am just not the full name anymore, she is a vulnerable kid, shortened name is a confident capable adult. I would find anyone calling me by my full name who wasn't family to be being nasty on purpose.

I’m sure I read this post too, but with elderly parents refusing to use your shortened name and about what to do on your wedding day re the shortened name???

She is BU. My cousin changed her name to an entirely new one and it was very awkward for a while but we all just persevered and got past it. Even her mum, who for years refused to accept that my cousin no longer wanted the name her mum had given her, now uses her new name. Your friend is being really disrespectful.

Nope not me @Imbluedabadee my parents/family call me my short name too...it's only my friend that doesn't...

Other posters We have other friends in the group that have short names (mixture of Secondary/new friends as we've got older) and she refers to them with their short name.

Start calling her by her full name to get your point across.

Call her by her full name, bet she starts using your short name quickly then

....or ignore her if she doesn’t use the name you prefer.

@ditavonteesed that's my no.1 reason and she knows it...when I hear my full name it takes me back to those days...I get over it if it's something formal as those people don't know anything about my Secondary says but my friend does that's what I can't get my head around.

Could she be doing it as a way of letting people know that she knows your actual name and is her way of pointing out to others that she has known your for along time? A kind of “we go waaaaaayy back” declaration?
A friend does this to my brother, he hates his name and changed it, she ignores it because “that’s how I’ve alwasy known him” ! It’s irritating.

Tried calling her by her full name a while ago but it got a little petty and didn't want other friends getting involved. I know she sees it as a nostalgia type thing but I've sat down properly and had a chat about why in case she forgot the reasons and like I say she did try for a while but recently reverted back to referring me as full name

Yes @Ivorbig1 I think that's it...I just don't know how to get it through that it's past irritating...she can get quite angry and defensive and involve other into stuff so think that's why I'm treading carefully.

I agree with Sherlock - call her by her long name until she gets the message.

My DD (who has ASD) decided to ditch her first name and be known by her middle name at age 9. The fuss she made if anyone (family, teachers, anyone) got it wrong was enough to ensure that they only made that mistake once!

Why are you friends with her?
If she is a good friend, fine, however you shouldn’t really be stepping on egg shells over this.
Do you remind her every time, my name is this not that, why do you do that? I really don’t like it that you ignore my wish to be called this.
A friend would not ignore your simple request.

I would drop her. That’s so disrespectful.

Next time she uses it just say "I am beginning to think you are purposely calling me by my full name to irritate me, which is working, I am irritated and I find it rude. This will be the last time I say this, respect my wishes and call me by the name I have used for 18 years or honestly we can just end the friendship here. Your persistence in this matter is really beginning to make me me view you negatively"

Why the hell are you treading carefully??? Call her on it, one last chance, if she does it again then get your coat and leave or show her the door. Why would she stop when you are pussy footing around

Someone (with a shortened name) tried calling my friend by her full name so she simply replied with yes -insert his full name-. It worked, he didn’t do it again.

Yes Pinkvoid I've had similar. I've been called by short version of my name which I hate, so have responded similarly to Dick and Mick, or Richard and Michael as they'd sooner be called!

You know what @Ivorbig1 I've been thinking the same thing these last few days.

In everything else she is a great friend honestly...I went through a horrible patch of things in life all at once recently...job, relationship with DH (which is now back on track ) etc and only just getting through to the other side and things coming a little clearer she's been there, listened to me cry down the phone etc and when she's been going through a tough time I have done the same for her...

It's just this has reared it's head again

Was she one of the bullies at school?
I'd not respond to her at all if she insisted on using a name I'd fully explained i don't want.

Have you ever lost it with her over this? Like, really given it to her that you DO NOT WANT to be called this and that you find it really upsetting that she ignores your wishes. I think I would lay it down very clearly. Tell her straight that you find it so rude and upsetting that you aren't sure you want contact any more if she can't respect your wishes. Then back off if she still doesn't take you seriously.

It sounds to me like a bit of a power trip on her side. It isn't that hard to call someone by a different name. She needs to get her act together.

Wear a name badge when you're with her. Sorry, not helpful. It sounds like you've exhausted every option. I would have one last attempt, say "it's very upsetting when you don't use my preferred name. If you can't get it right then we will have to stop seeing each other" or something.