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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not think I should pay half the fine?

78 replies

Givenup43 · 05/04/2018 07:39

So last year, myself and partner went to a race and because it was so busy were directed by marshalls onto a grassy area a long way from a car park.
Last month my partner received a £50 parking ticket. He appealed as we weren't even in a car park and at every other race we always park on grass and it's never a problem and the marshall directed us there.

He is saying I have to pay half the fine as I was a passenger in his car.
AIBU is th think that is an unreasonable request??

OP posts:

user789653241 · 05/04/2018 08:52

Sound bonkers in many ways. First, if you are directed there, you shouldn't be paying fine. If your partner decided to pay regardless of circumstances, it's his choice.

Shoxfordian · 05/04/2018 08:54

Its not unreasonable to expect a woman to pay half of everything! Just thought he sounded a bit stingy really.

It is unreasonable to expect anyone to pay half of your parking fine when you're the driver though

harshbuttrue1980 · 05/04/2018 08:54

Some of the replies here are so sexist and 1950's. Why are people saying he is BU for asking her to pay half, rather than saying she is BU for not wanting to share the cost?? Why does that make him mean and not her?? If someone needs to budget carefully, an extra £50 can make all the difference - why wouldn't someone split the cost?
And what on earth is wrong with a relationship where both people go halves?? Halves is the default position in most of my relationships. Surely that's normal nowadays in relationships where there are no kids?

harshbuttrue1980 · 05/04/2018 08:55

Shoxfordian, why is he stingy for wanting to go halves, but she isn't stingy for not wanting to pay half??

ButchyRestingFace · 05/04/2018 08:56

Yes legally it’s his fine to pay however I wouldn’t want to be with someone who pulls out the rule book when I ask for help you know.

He didn't ask her to pay. He told her she had to pay.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who orders me to pay for his mistakes.

swingofthings · 05/04/2018 09:01

Depends. If he'd won £50k at the races with his money, and then didn't offer to pay dinner that evening because you'd agreed before you'd go half, would you think that was acceptable? If not and you feel that in this instance, he should be paying dinner, than you should also pay the fine. I

If however you can genuinely say that you would considered normal that you should have paid for half of dinner regardless of his win, then I wouldn't pay half the fine.

Bramble71 · 05/04/2018 09:02

Crikey! If it was my car, I wouldn't dream of asking my hubby to pay for half. YANBU.

willynillypie · 05/04/2018 09:05

The question is it you would have asked him to pay half if you were driving?

Redpony1 · 05/04/2018 09:06

I'd appeal the fine, and raise it with the race organisers too! They sent you there.....

irregularegular · 05/04/2018 09:06

If I was with a friend or casual boyfriend I would definitely offer to pay half. Why should they have to pay just because they were nice enough to drive me?

If someone was actually your "partner" in a meaningful sense then it seems a bit odd, but it depends how you arrange your finances generally.

Obviously the question of whether you should contest the fine is another issue.

swingofthings · 05/04/2018 09:06

But is it fair that because one happened to be driving, they should pay all? Maybe from now on, he'll expect OP to drive everywhere this way if they get a ticket, it will never be a problem.

My view is that if you go to an event that you both enjoy and through no fault of yours end up with a ticket, then yes, it is morally right to share it. I certainly would, whether it be a partner, a friend, or a family member.

Bluntness100 · 05/04/2018 09:06

"His mistake" lol. And I wouldn't wish to be with someone who refused to share the cost of things with me, he probably had to tell her because he knows full well she wouldn't offer. However I agree he should have asked not told. However asking gives her the option to say no, which clearly she wishes to do.

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 05/04/2018 09:08

Its not unreasonable to expect a woman to pay half of everything! Just thought he sounded a bit stingy really.

But there's a difference between demanding your 6.12p for the curry you just shared, and taking turns for instance. One suggests a certain level of financial focus that personally, I would find impossible to live with.

As to the fine, it would be nice to pay half, but I think I'd like to see the ticket and verify - just because, from personal experience, the kind of person who would describe themselves as 'careful with money' is also the kind who might think that it would be fine to get someone to share a ticket which came from somewhere else, under the guise of being thrifty .

If however he was being aggressively demanding over it, or he was the kind of person who does the same when driving (eg. refuses to take direction or help) then I would leave him to it. But then I don't think I'd be with someone like that.

Bluntness100 · 05/04/2018 09:10

If he's lying about the ticket and trying to con her out of 25 quid she's got much bigger issues here,

I'm surprised people think that way. She's not cast any doubts on his integrity. Just he expects her to pay half and she's saying as it's his car he can fuck off.

Shoxfordian · 05/04/2018 09:12

What disturbinglyorange said

If you're the driver then you're in charge of the car so if you get a ticket then you pay it

My bf wouldn't dream of asking me to pay half of his parking ticket just because I was the passenger. Would the people paying half also pay half if he was speeding?

Springnowplease · 05/04/2018 09:12

He chose to park there. Tell him to fuck off. Tight git.

irregularegular · 05/04/2018 09:16

Speeding is totally different. The driver would clearly be responsible for that. But this was basically an unforeseen, unavoidable cost of an outing that both chose to do and benefited from. If you got there and there was a unexpected, high cost of parking imposed on the spot, you'd offer to chip in wouldn't you? Or pay for lunch/drinks instead?

ButchyRestingFace · 05/04/2018 09:18

And I wouldn't wish to be with someone who refused to share the cost of things with me, he probably had to tell her because he knows full well she wouldn't offer.

I'm perfectly happy to share costs in principle, just not with people who order me around. We have no idea why/if he "probably had" to do anything. He might just be a controlling skinflint. I think OP indicated he was tight?

Bluntness100 · 05/04/2018 09:18

Would the people paying half also pay half if he was speeding?

No, I would perceive that as different. That would be due to his personal choice and the fault would lie with him. In this instance though he was directed to park there and got a fine through no fault of his own, so it is at this stage an unexpected cost of attending.

Missingstreetlife · 05/04/2018 09:19

Unreasonable to demand, not unreasonable to ask, discuss, offer or suggest. It's not always clear what's fair, even if it's legal. Not a gender thing, but may be affected by who is better off, who is paying for other expenses for this outing e.g. petrol, entrance fee etc. Agree challenge this fine

swingofthings · 05/04/2018 09:19

As said before, if I were OP's boyfriend, I would refuse to be the driver from then on!

BakedBeans47 · 05/04/2018 09:21

No. His car, his responsibility, and he’s a tight fisted fuck.

MrsMozart · 05/04/2018 09:25

So you (OP) had the advantage of being driven there etc etc etc, but don't think you should pay hapf an unexpected transport cost? Very unfair of you.

As an aside, I'd be joining forces to contest the charge.

peacheachpearplum · 05/04/2018 09:25

It is ridiculous to judge unless you know his financial situation and your financial situation. As an example if he is on £50k and you are a student he is massively unreasonable, if you are on £50k and he is a student you are very unreasonable. So basically we need more information.

peacheachpearplum · 05/04/2018 09:26

he’s a tight fisted fuck. How can you say that when you don't know if he is short of money?

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