Am I too uptight - first born

[cheshiremama89]

Caught my 70 YO grandmother BITING 8 week old DS nails today.

Politely told her that I have a baby file and not to do that as they are still too delicate.

(And I think it's something I should do rather than her).

There are so many examples of family acting upon their own initiative and I'm starting to get fed up with people insisting on coming over (we live a good hour away from family) just to see DS when they haven't been bothered to visit prior.

Am I turning psycho and overprotective?

A bit, maybe. All the baby books I ever read advised nibbling your baby's nails if they were getting a bit long. It's safer than clipping them, as you won't accidentally cut their skin.

I have always bitten them at that age. But not sure how I’d feel about others doing it.
Visitors- meh. I loved showing off my baby and handing him over and having a cup of tea. If people want to travel over an hour to see my baby, then I would honoured to introduce him to them!
With both my kids I didn’t do the MN thing of everyone must stay away and I go into a protective bubble thing. I had friends and family visit in hospital, and always welcomed visitors.

Biting nails was pretty common previously. It means there is no need to go near vulnerable, wiggly fingers with a pair of scissors and the nails are thin and small enough that it is quick and easy. I used to do it if I noticed baby had a partially torn nail when out and about for example so that it didn't get snagged or pulled. Probably something that would be better to leave to you but not something I'd be bothered about personally.

As to if you are being uptight about people using their initiative, it's difficult to say without examples. Sometimes people seriously over step, others they are just trying to lend a hand.

The visiting thing though seems a little odd to me, of course family are going to want to visit more often with a little one around. They grow and change so fast people don't want to miss things. Is there a reason you find it hard? If so tell them! It's your home, you can say once a week or fortnight is enough if you want to!

I bite my boys nail (even now ds1 is 14 months). I'd be distinctly unimpressed if anyone else did it though.

And everyone likes to see a baby. They develop so quickly. Maybe just see that your baby is lucky to have so many people who care?

Biting baby nails is totally fine and even often recommended. More effective and quicker than a file, way less scary than scissors/clippers on teeny tiny nails.

However, YANBU to be annoyed about your grandmother doing it without asking - it's your job. She should've checked with you first.

Biting your own baby's nails: fine

Someone else doing it to my baby: all the rage

No, that’s definitely a parents job (unless you had asked which you hadn’t).

I got mad when my gran ‘crossed dd’s palm with silver’... aka put a disgusting dirty twenty pence p in my newborns hand

We have always cut both of our DD’s nails with baby scissors, as DH and I find the idea of biting nails disgusting, even if they are hanging off.

If someone else sat there chewing on their nails, I’d be full of rage, and I would have to let them know that we do not do that in my house.

Yes you are being a bit uptight, however it’s your first baby and it’s normal to be like this.

I blush to think now but I used to give my mil a list of instructions when I left my pfb with her; by the time I had number 3 she would be lucky to get a goodbye as I shoved the baby at her 🙂

Yes you are but it’s so normal as to be expected so people will make allowances- or at least they should

Yes, I think so. Not sure it’s great for someone else to do it, but it’s not a massive concern, and your GM is basically reliving having her own babies. That’s what she would have done with hers.

Honestly, we have a very small amount of family and they all live a couple of hours away. The boys have one grandparent and she’s visited twice in 18 months. Of course a new baby means people will visit more.

YANBU, that is gross. Granny should not be doing that. It's so unhygienic.

I wouldn’t have minded a bit - I’d love for my Nan to be involved in looking after my children. I see I’m in the minority here though.

YANBU. What Argeles said about nails, and I also don't like people letting my baby put his fingers in their mouth - mouths are full of germs!

I also got irritated by constant visitors who had never visited before but seemed to assume my house was now an open door. If nothing else because I felt I had to have everything tidy and presentable as they hadn't been to the house before. It was exhausting.

Completely upright.

Because your grand mother hasn't brought up any children or other grand children and has absolutely zero child rearing experience

I bite my sons nails, my mum told me to. I ask her to cut his nails sometimes, meaning just bite them.
I’m young tho so my mum still very much plays a mum role to me

Biting nails is fine, but should be done by you not your GM.
You are a bit U about visitors. It sounds like to don't want to show your baby off.

I think you’re being a little uptight. It’s sweet that she wants to help.

Whether biting nails is the norm or not, it wasn't your M-I-L's place to be doing it. What next......oh I'll just trim his hair???

Sorry, DGM, not M-I-L!

YANBU. I wouldn't expect someone else to cut baby's hair or cut/bite off their nails. It isn't their place to do so without asking.

Is her age an issue for you? Not sure why it matters that she is 70.

YABU - your mouth is more sensitive/responsive to sudden baby movements than scissors or a file. Those baby files are useless. Was one of the best pieces of advice my ex MIL ever gave me; to bite rather than cut/file. I certainly wouldn't have minded my own grandma doing it... you know her, right?

YABU - about not wanting people to visit to see the baby. At the risk of being one of those posters, far better that than there being no fucker in the whole wide world who gives enough of a shit about any of you to want to bother...

I get the visitors thing. DS is two weeks old, DH is back to work and we didn't get a single day just the 3 of us. Next few weekends booked up with visitors too. It's the ones that we don't even see at Christmas now wanting to come over multiple times, urgh. I put the foot down with the aunt that hasn't bothered her arse with the family for over 10 years suddenly wanting to come over. Looking forward to when it all calms down! Love showing him off but we're not getting a minutes peace between the door going and constant txts, video calls and getting a row if we've not sent "the daily photo".

Then they ask why I didn't have a nap during the day