Am I too uptight - first born

[cheshiremama89]

Caught my 70 YO grandmother BITING 8 week old DS nails today.

Politely told her that I have a baby file and not to do that as they are still too delicate.

(And I think it's something I should do rather than her).

There are so many examples of family acting upon their own initiative and I'm starting to get fed up with people insisting on coming over (we live a good hour away from family) just to see DS when they haven't been bothered to visit prior.

Am I turning psycho and overprotective?

YANBU I wouldn't want someone else biting DDs nail, but I probably wouldn't say anything. I caught DPs aunt sucking DDs whole hand a few weeks ago and had to bite my tongue, I just made excuses that she needed changing.

YANBU about visitors either. It drove me mad how family I would accidentally run into maybe once or twice a year at my parents house suddenly wanted my address to come and visit once DD was born. I just made excuses and never let anyone, if I didn't have any kind of relationship with them before I don't see why they need to meet DD just so they can cuddle a new baby. Mine and DPs parents rarely visited before DD was born and if you're not used to it then it can be quite annoying to have to adjust to a constant stream of visitors when you have a newborn.

YANBU. It's not her job. As for biting - I don't think it's necessary, when baby scissors have rounded edges and it's more precise than biting which can lead to a bigger chunk coming off than intended, rather than just neatly trimming the long tops of the nails off in one snip.

It's your first baby. You're allowed to feel like this. I'm on my fourth and grateful for someone to remember to cut his nails

Someone else biting your baby's nails is revolting.

YANBU
If it needs doing it should be by you and not anyone else. I didn’t do it, baby scissors worked fine.

Yes. Sounds like you are a bit.

YANBU
Fine for YOU to bite baby's nails off. Not for your gran to do it though!! Baby's hands go in their mouths so makes me shudder to think of someone else putting DS hands in their mouths

I totally get you on the visitors thing.. I have family that never seem to bother coming to ours, yet are always inviting us to theirs and are happy to receive us. Maybe in future just say "ah baby is being a bit fussy today and the last thing I want is to trap him in the car for an hour. How's about you come to ours?" Some people just don't realise how hard it is to get a baby and all the paraphernalia they come with into the car for a journey.

On the nail biting.. I had a friend who suggested this to me and I tried it with my DD when she was newborn and just couldn't do it. She just seemed to have really strong nails! So I've always waiting til she fell asleep and gone in with the clippers. I've never had an accident and hurt her or anything.

If you Grandmother has the teeth for it then good on her!! I wouldn't mind a bit.
Would you stop her from giving DS a kiss as well? If you were bothered about germs then you can always give DS's hands a wash later.

Pop your hand in her mouth and tell her you need a manicure!

It saves you a job, I hated cutting nails with my first. Now I have a toddler and a baby the baby seems like an easy job!

Yanbu. Biting nails is revolting.

I'm surprised to learn it used to be advised. A pair of baby nail scissors (too blunt to cut skin) does the job perfectly well and safely.

I have 4 DC's and if someone took it upon themselves to bite a babies nails I wouldn't at all be happy.

Others should check with the parents if it is ok (and I would say 'no its not ok!).

I don't want someone's slobber all over my baby's hands.

I've always used a baby size nail clippers but have tried to be extremely careful.

Yes you are. But most of us are with our first, I know I was a nightmare!

No, YANBU, not at all.

If she looks like she’s going in for another nibble, ask her not to do it.

I wouldn’t want anyone else doing it nor deciding it needed doing. Funnily enough, the one other person I wouldn’t have minded doing it was my Dad, because he’d have only done it if there was a rough bit or something, he wouldn’t have just decided to give the baby’s nails a trim.

As for visitors, just say no to those you don’t want to see or are a bit fed up of seeing. Just say you’ve got other plans. Just because you now have a baby, it doesn’t mean you have to have an open home 24/7. It is lovely people want to visit, but it can be annoying, draining and it can make you feel a bit crap...like merely an incubator, if they didn’t visit previously. On the other hand, I’d go out of my way to visit someone who’d had a baby to take a gift & show an interest - it’s the polite thing to do really isn’t it. I’m pretty good at taking treats & being helpful though, not just cuddling the baby!

When I had my first my boyfriends mum insisted on coming over every day and just holding him. It started to really piss me off. I'd barely seen them before and mine and my boyfriends relationship was a bit up and down, we were young and I felt really resentful of this woman coming every day 'because he changed so much'. I started to get upset thinking he wouldn't know who to bloody bond with!! I'm not naturally confrontational and he was a very poor sleeper so I was exhausted. I ended up going out to try to avoid them some days. In the end I had to just go, not today- I need some time. They got terribly offended and I didn't see them for 8 weeks. He was the most unsettled baby that to be honest I didn't really notice.
She's now my mother in law and we get on really well and has been so supportive over the years, so I think she was just over excited. But you are absolutely normal and I remember those feelings so well.

Because your grand mother hasn't brought up any children or other grand children and has absolutely zero child rearing experience

That doesn't give her or anyone else free rein to do as they want.

I would be fine with this

The nail biting thing is ok if I or DH did it, but for her to just take it upon herself was just rude/gross.

I hope I chill out a bit, I do feel incredibly anxious with certain family members.

Generally my mums side of the family fine, dad's and DH's not so!

I bite my DDs nails she's 6 month I caught her finger once with the clippers and never used them since! However I would not allow anybody else to bite them!

Bit yuck if she's doing it really.

Heaven forbid they 'act on their own initiative'. 😂

I do feel incredibly anxious with certain family members.

^

To be fair people are usually anxious for a reason about certain family members!

I couldn't get worked up about this, wait until they start feeding them chocolate buttons when you're out of the room.

At my grans 80'th birthday party my great, great aunt stuffed my 10 month old DS with tinned pink salmon, he threw the lot up a couple of hours later, really unpleasant for all involved.

I let relatives do as they please with my DC but keep an eye on things after the salmon incident.

You are being really uptight but you are kind of allowed to be You will one day look back and laugh at the newborn days. Think it's all just a protective grizzly bearness!