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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get annoyed with people's reaction to our pregnancy?

51 replies

SlimGin · 04/04/2018 20:07

Maybe I am.

Basically, I'm pregnant with a surprise baby, boyfriend and I have only been together 6 months. We're both happy, financially fine, and very much looking forward to the future. We've have had long discussions about our decision. Neither of us are naive to how a child will change our relationship and lives. So that's that, decision made, not anyone else's business.

I've recently started telling people around me the news. My family and some friends are all very excited and supportive. But I've found that some people, friends included, have not so positive reactions.

One common question I get asked is 'was it planned?' or 'are you scared?' which I find downright rude. I recently got my hair cut and the hairdresser, who I've never met before, asked me if the pregnancy was planned. I would never ever approach someone with this question, unless perhaps we were close friends.

I'm fine with people having their opinions, but I don't think they need to be so outwardly expressive with them. One 'friend' actually walked away from me when I told her.

It's starting to grate on me now. I'm considering retorting to the next person that asks me if I'm scared. Is that unreasonable?

OP posts:

DameLillyTillicut · 04/04/2018 20:18

Yabu. That's an intrusive and rude question that a lot of people ask, regardless of how long you've been together. I was asked that too, as well as "do you know who the father is?" from more that one person.

Once DC reached a certain age, subsequent pregnancies were met with "same father?"

Pregnancy news brings out the dickheads.

ZanyMobster · 04/04/2018 20:39

That's awful, some people are so rude. I found out I was pregnant when (now) DH and I had been together 7 weeks and I really don't remember people being that negative although DS was born 2 weeks early and a close colleague asked if he was definitely early or could he be my exes

Sometimes I do think peoples reactions are involuntary though. A couple we know fell pregnant quite quick and TBH their relationship was awful so when they told us it was hard to be instantly happy, we faked it as soon as we could though.

ClaryFray · 04/04/2018 20:41

Yanbu

But it's a common question that's asked, when I was a single mum people including professionals asked f he was planed.

Bambamber · 04/04/2018 20:43

If it makes you feel any better I got the same questions asked despite being married. I don't know what it is about pregnancy that makes other people become so bloody rude. Like when a colleague of mine would touch my bump and say hello to my bump while ignoring me

ScattyCharly · 04/04/2018 20:48

I had been married for 5 years and people still asked whether ds was planned. Weird and rude.

minniemummy0 · 04/04/2018 20:49

Unfortunately you get asked rude and inane things constantly when your pregnant. As I’m not married (I’m engaged) I got asked if it was planned. I also got asked stuff like was I having a vaginal delivery from someone at work in the middle of the office!

DameLillyTillicut · 04/04/2018 20:50

I meant YANBU, sorry

Gemini69 · 04/04/2018 20:51

they're all Bang out of order RUDE... Oh and congratulations OP

Eatalot · 04/04/2018 20:52

As my DS suggested when I was complaining about the amount of strangers who asked whether I was breastfeeding reply with 'do you spit or swallow'.

Emma145 · 04/04/2018 20:52

I've been with my partner 5 years and get asked if it's planned, on my feeding plans , birth plans ect even by people I hardly know at work...it's ridiculous the things people think they can ask because your pregnant.

karategirl · 04/04/2018 20:52

If it helps, several people (including my own mum...) have asked me if our pregnancy was planned, and my husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years, together for 7 before that and knew each other for 3 before that, so even a long term relationship doesn't stop people from asking this kind of stupid question.

It's bloody frustrating how being pregnant seems to make a section of society sure that everything is their business!

Neverender · 04/04/2018 20:53

People are just nosey. Instead of "I'm pregnant!" Try saying, "I'm pregnant and we are so excited!"

Shallow, I know, but it totally changes people's reaction.

MrsHarveySpecterV · 04/04/2018 20:54

YANBU I'm married and pregnant with DC3 and almost everyone asks if this baby was planned. Sometimes it's as if people lose all manners around pregnant women! Congratulations :)

SharronNeedles · 04/04/2018 20:54

I got a lot of "oh I didn't know you were trying..." Which I didn't like. A) why would you know? B) is it any of your business?

0lgaDaPolga · 04/04/2018 20:54

Sorry you are getting these intrusive questions. Pregnancy seems to bring out the worst in some people. They lose all sense of what is appropriate and ask you the most personal things. If it makes you feel any better I got the same questions as you did several times despite being married for a while!

koalab · 04/04/2018 20:55

I got asked all those questions, including am I with the farther, and I'd been with DP over 10 years. I was shocked how intrusive people suddenly became.

monkeyted · 04/04/2018 20:56

People do seem to ask annoying and inappropriate questions. But it's probably not just because you've been together 6 months - I was asked if baby was planned on quite a number of occasions, and frequently asked if I was scared. And I had been with DH for over 10 years before we conceived.

Sparklesdontshine · 04/04/2018 20:56

I constantly get asked if my latest pregnancy is planned, and I’m married with 3 other children! People are nobs!

applesandpears56 · 04/04/2018 20:57

I agree with others - you get asked those questions whether you are single/married young/old together for ages or new together

Your friend that walked away - people will often have fertility issues and not let people know. Their reaction says more about them and their situation rather than you. Don’t take it personally

applesandpears56 · 04/04/2018 20:57

Ps congrats

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/04/2018 20:59

Lots of people who have unplanned pregnancies aren't totally thrilled and seem to find gushing excitement at the announcement a bit overwhelming and pressuring, so I would think this is, at least in part, people trying to suss out how you want them to react. Give more cues when you initially tell them.

Of course, lots of people are also just plain nosey about how other people live their lives as they try to make sense of the world around them.

iamyourequal · 04/04/2018 21:04

Congratulations OP. Just brush off the rude intrusive questions. I have been with my DH over 20 years. We were together 8 years before we got pregnant. I wish it had happened sooner. I live my DH to bits and my DCs to bits , I only wish we’d started sooner so that we could have had more.

ShinyBadger · 04/04/2018 21:08

When by best friend told me she was pregnant- the first thing both her mum and I asked was do you know who the father is?! 😬😬🤣

She laughed and said she did (she thinks 😜) had been with him 4 weeks or something daft and they have discussed it all, they are gong to have the baby! I was happy for her and said congratulations!
She has three wonderful Children and they are happy living together - she cldnt be happier! And I’m happy for her! We still
Laughs about it now - she wasn’t upset by our Question.

But I see where you are coming from
Though and when ppl say they are pregnant all the prying questions come out.

frasier · 04/04/2018 21:08

It says more about the person saying it than you. It's not a normal reaction and I would assume that they had had unplanned/scary pregnancies.

When we first met, DH used to say "Are you happy?" if someone told him they were expecting, meaning "Are you happy about it?"

I told him this was weird! He had no idea. His experience of pregnancy was his sister and a couple of cousins getting pregnant very young and not being happy about it at all. I had to explain to him that most people probably were delighted!

MammaTJ · 04/04/2018 21:10

WOW!! I met DP online, I fell pregnant with DD on our first night together, we are still together 13 1/2 years later. I always say he is the ONS who won't go away. Noone asked if the baby was planned though. Maybe because I was 37.

Develop a thick skin and a 'Fuck off' face. Or just say 'Yes' and nothing more.

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