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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About Nanny

85 replies

Hedger · 04/04/2018 14:44

Our DC are away for a couple of days with grandparents. These are days when our nanny usually looks after them. As it was short notice, we told our nanny she could either take the two days as part of her holiday allowance (paid), or take them off unpaid or she could work those days at home sorting out the children’s toys, clothes, tidying their bedrooms, etc. They have loads of toys which are in bits strewn throughout the house, in need of new batteries, clothes which no longer fit, need ironing, folding etc.

She doesn’t really do those things while looking after the children (even though she has two hours in the middle of the day when our youngest is asleep and our eldest is at school) but we are pretty relaxed generally about that. So I thought these two days would be a chance to catch up on this type of thing and if I am paying her for them I would rather she do something useful rather than me paying her to do nothing!

Anyway, this hasn’t gone down very well and she says it is normal if the children are away for the nanny to have the day off (paid - and not as part of their holiday allowance).

Who is being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
OVienna · 04/04/2018 16:04

Personally I would tackle her about the things she doesn't do on a regular basis, but separately. This.

You are entitled to ask her to do this, it is definitely within nursery duties, however in practice it is VERY rare for a family to actually ask this of their nanny.

We have employed nannies and now have au pairs and I would only find myself thinking about asking her to come in and do nursery duties when the children weren't there if she was otherwise pissing me off about something/I felt she was letting things slide. Then I would tell myself to let it go and probably not ask (but still quietly seethe.)

If I really thought the nanny/au pair was fab and doing a great job, it wouldn't cross my mind not to let her have the day off.

Is this the dynamic here?

If so - clear the air and get things on a good footing day to day. Easier said than done, I know, but this is a better route.

ziggiestardust · 04/04/2018 16:06

I’m a teacher to apprentices, and if my students are away for the day I have to catch up on filing/annual targets, stuff like that. I wouldn’t dare ask my boss for that! I don’t just get paid time off for nothing. I’d tell her she’s welcome to put in annual leave for those days, but it’s not free leave. If she’s not keeping up to date with her other duties either then sorry but that would annoy me. I’d think about giving notice and looking for someone else.

StealthNinjaMum · 04/04/2018 16:08

How many hours does she do? My nanny did an 11 hour day and I didn't begrudge her a two hour break while the baby / toddler was napping because for the other 9 hours she was incredibly focused and caring for my children.

This might be one of those regional things but most mums I knew with nannies gave their nannies more than the minimum 5 weeks holiday and if a grandparent was looking after the children or a parent a valued nanny would just get an extra day off but most mums with nannies I know also have cleaners who can take up some slack if the nanny doesn't have time to do washing / tidying bedroom.

pehaps if you're too laid back you haven't discussed things that are starting to bother you and you need to have a conversation about what you expect.

underneaththeash · 04/04/2018 16:10

We've given nannies exactly the same options as you in the past and its never been an issue.

lalalalyra · 04/04/2018 16:29

How does she have a two hour break in the middle of the day if, as well as having her own lunch, she prepares and cooks meals?

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 04/04/2018 16:29

I think that sounds completely reasonable - 50/50 being able to choose holidays, or unpaid, or come and catch up on stuff she hasn't had time to do at other points - completely fine (and yes, if it turns out she can knock through sorting out the kids stuff in 1/2 a day, then give her the rest off paid) - it's not like you're requiring her to come and sit in detention, just to do duties that she might not otherwise have time to do so thoroughly, but which are part of her responsibilities. -clearly this stuff does need to be done, and she does need extra time to do it, and this is the perfect opportunity.

I pay mine for an extra 2 hours a day to keep up with the kids washing/toys/cook their dinner - being in the house without the kids occasionally is completely normal for a nanny in my experience

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/04/2018 16:33

Unless you have more toys than Argos and clothes everywhere Confused that sounds easy work for 2 full day's pay at nanny rate.
Surely it would only take 3 or 4 hours max?

Unless your house is a complete bombsite and she'd rather chew her own leg off than attempt to sort out and iron millions of jumbled up clothes and put 200 bits of toy together (some broken), colour code the Lego , test and replace batteries in 25 moveable toys and locate 14 jigsaws scattered around the house randomly?
That does sound like some sort of impossible Crystal Maze task.

Original poster
Hedger · 04/04/2018 16:34

Lalalalalyra You may be right - it may take her an hour a day to do the cooking for the children’s supper.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hedger · 04/04/2018 16:39

Ilostitintheearlynineties No it’s not that bad - just lots of toy cupboards in various rooms that are a mess! And clothes scrunched up in drawers rather than being folded. We’ve specifically said don’t worry about the Lego as that really is a Herculean task!

I think it would take at least a full day to do toys plus sort clothes. It’s actually the sort of thing I would really enjoy doing(!) so didn’t think she would mind. But I guess it’s not so enjoyable if it’s not your children/house!

OP posts:
YoohooDorothy · 04/04/2018 16:43

I think that YANBU.

I've never been or employed a nanny but i can think of plenty of times when i've been in work but something is different. One example was when we moved to a different building so we are all required to clear and pack up our offices and leave the offices reasonably clean. I don't recall anyone complaining that we were not paid to do removals.

I think it sounds quite a nice chilled out day for her. She can potter about, drink tea and listen to some music in peace, finish early and get paid. Whats not to like?

Asthenia · 04/04/2018 17:29

I used to be a nanny and would often get extra paid time off work when the parents had days off/the children were at their grandparents etc. I never assumed I’d get the time off, it was always a lovely bonus. Part of my duties was tidying up after the children, but first and foremost my job was caring for them - if they’re not there, I don’t see why she can’t have the time off. It’s your choice that they’re not there

Urubu · 04/04/2018 17:42

I have employed several nannies, always had good relationship with them.

The done thing IME is to give her paid time off with nothing to do or ask her to do children-related tasks but not full time.
For ex if you are away for 2d you could very reasonably ask her to do tasks that total 1/2d to 1d.

Of course you would not BU to give her tasks that would fill the 2d but she might be unhappy about it, as most nanny employers don't do that... and you don't want an unhappy nanny Wink

Tasks could be: tidy/clean toys, sort out lego sets, sort out outgrown clothes, shop for new clothes, switch from winter to summer wardrobe, cook in bulk and freeze... Not clean the house, not her job!

MissP103 · 04/04/2018 17:52

Yanbu op. She wants it all on her terms. And she should be doing a little extra during her time two hours.
My son has a two hour nap and is in nursery in the morning for 3 hours. So my nanny has plenty to do. She does my ds washing and ironing, ensures all his toys and drawers are sorted. She also sterilizes his toys regularly. But all this is in the contract and we do pay well.

Grobagsforever · 04/04/2018 18:30

I have used nannies for nearly four years and been in this exact situation. I always asked her to do one days nursery duties and gave her the other day off, both paid. But you are COMPLETELY within your rights to ask her to work full days both days. I would ask current nanny to do this as she's had loads of (paid) sick leave, paid snow days, random appointments during working hours etc...

No other job would you just expect free time off.

chezare84 · 04/04/2018 18:37

In the long run, it’s little ‘perks’ like these that make for a happy nanny. And nannies who are treated well by their employers will always got the extra mile for their family.

I have gotten loads of extra holidays and days off from my NF, as it’s their choice, and it was unreasonable to ask her, especially with short notice, if she could take it from her holiday entitlement. Holidays should always be agreed in advance; what if she’d wanted to take a trip?

Many people take for granted how physically and mentally exhausting nannying is, and it’s usually a thankless job. One of the ways to show your gratitude could definitely be giving her a couple extra days when she’s not needed.

I would do anything for my current family, they are lovely to me and I always feel grateful for the little things like this. One good deed begets another.

Youradviceneeded · 04/04/2018 19:20

chezare please see my response to the OP above to see my view on her question, but this is not a 'little thing' to the OP. Or to anyone, really. A full day's pay is what, assuming £12 (say) per hour and (say) a 10 hour day, it is £120. Per day. The OP is willing to pay this in return for her nanny doing her contracted duties. Her nanny can leave early and be paid for a full day if she finishes those duties early.

Asthenia Again, please see my response to the OP to know my view. But to say that you don't see by the nanny shouldn't have paid extra time off if the children aren't there misses that part of this nanny contract is to perform duties above looking after the children, and these haven't been done.

Sorry to single you both out, I don't mean to be aggressive at all, but I do understand the op's thinking.

That said op, like urubu said, you don't want an unhappy nanny, I assume. It is swings and roundabouts. I wonder if your nanny feels that she goes above and beyond for you in other ways and feels valued? Excellent nannies are worth holding onto, and will know their worth.

ziggiestardust · 04/04/2018 19:26

I completely agree that little perks like this make a Nanny feel appreciated and go the extra mile, but to be perfectly honest it doesn’t sound very much like this one does. If there are loads of clothes strewn about the bedrooms and broken toys, it doesn’t sound like she takes an awful lot of care. Now, if the children’s rooms were neat and tidy and she was on top of things and going the extra mile for her family; perhaps the OP would be a bit more willing in this case? Unfortunately with Nannies and au pairs (in my fairly limited experience), you either get one that’s absolutely fantastic, fits in with you really well and you both cut each other slack and generally get in brilliantly.... or it’s a bit shit, and each party feels a bit hard done by.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/04/2018 19:47

I’d usually come on these threads and be on the nanny’s ‘side’ but actually I think you have been perfectly reasonable.

UnicornRainbowColours · 04/04/2018 19:53

In my 7 years of nannying whenever the parents go away out of their choice of my holiday allowances they pay me anyway. Your nanny hasn’t asked for the time off, you can’t just expect her to take holiday etc. That said if you have work for her to do then she should come in and do it.

UnicornRainbowColours · 04/04/2018 19:56

@DragonMummy1418 it’s not a break she’s responsible for a child who is sleeping. As a nanny myself who has a child who sleeps 2-3 hours I absolutely take a break.

NHW95 · 04/04/2018 19:57

I’m a nanny and this wouldn’t bother me at all. I would much rather come in and do a few little jobs around the house than lose two days pay.

It sounds like she was hoping to have the days off paid without having to do any work. You have been very fair.

nannynick · 04/04/2018 20:56

What have you ended up agreeing with your nanny... have they had today off but will come in tomorrow to do some sorting of toys?

Tip for Lego... have a model making day and build a model village with a Space Port if you have lots of Space theme Lego, a farm if lots of animals or it's own Harry Potter World theme park... you get the idea ;-). It can use up a lot of bricks and then what remains can be sorted out (by colour, or number of studs, or shape, or whatever gets decided) and it's quite therapeutic to sort them whilst listening to music or audio-book. Some children love sorting Lego, others do not.

Original poster
Hedger · 05/04/2018 10:48

Nannynick We compromised - she is taking one day as holiday (out of the holiday days we get to nominate) and the other day she is getting off paid (not as part of her holiday allowance). Thanks for your help everyone!

OP posts:
nannynick · 06/04/2018 07:51

Thanks for the update. Not sure you got a good deal there... the toys are still are mess. Ah well, maybe the toys can be sorted out over the next few weeks a bit at a time.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 06/04/2018 08:17

If she was a great nanny the children's bedrooms would be tidy anyway, so in an event like this she wouldn't have any work to do and could take the time off paid.

I also think she has forgotten she is an employee and is a little too comfortable.

Is she worth keeping long term?......