To want to know what they mean by "horribly messy"

[MrsPreston11]

Just had the plumber leave mine, I always offer workmen a cup of tea and while he was finishing it he thanked me a lot saying he didn't get offered a cup the job before, but he was sort of grateful as the house was so bad.

On another occasion someone who works for a letting agent said I wouldn't believe some of the things she sees (school mum who I'm not friends with but we were having sort of a group conversation waiting to be let in, so I couldn't pry)

Now my brain is going crazy wondering what these people see on a daily basis. I mean I've seen those shows abut hoarders etc, but assume that's very rare.

Any of you in these lines of work? I want to know what it is folks who get to go to lots of homes see!! (Pure perverse nosiness on my part)

When I was much younger I had a boyfriend who shared a flat with three other guys. One of them had just moved out when I first visited the flat. The place was fairly disgusting but not really much worse than a typical student flat full of manky blokes I suppose with the months out of date milk and cups full of mould, and a horrible smell that never seemed to go away. There was a toilet that you weren't allowed to use and the door was never opened. For weeks I assumed it was just broken but no; it turned out that months back they'd had a party and someone had been sick exorcist-style all over the toilet/sink/floor/entire room. Nobody fancied cleaning it up so they shut the door on it and never used the toilet again.

Unfortunately I discovered this when I finally opened the door one day to see if the weird smell was coming from in there. And it was.

I've been into more filthy houses than I can count sadly. Sometimes it's due to mental illness (temporary or a more permanent illness), sometimes physical illness, sometimes they don't know any different and sometimes just laziness.
I've said "it's fine, I'll stand thank you, bad back you know" when offered a seat many a time, sometimes wiped my feet on the way out, often scheduled a visit for the end of a day so I can go straight home to shower and change and once had to throw clothes away as I just couldn't get the smell out.
Some of these people would be what you expect but most could be a surprise - lots of carers and nurses, a few chefs, cleaners and food servers. Any many other professionals or retired professionals. Proper hoarding is a mental illness in itself but sometimes people are just dirty. And I've sadly seen some of the kids grow up to be as dirty as their parents - I'm sure as said on this thread some probably go the other way!

Juicy your post makes me want to obsessively iron my kids perfectly nice non iron uniforms to within an inch of their stitches!!!

My childhood was the other way. My mother was obsessed with having a clean and tidy house. She is still the same today. The way the dishes are washed and the dishwasher is stacked is a big thing for example. I’m constantly checking myself at her house to make sure I’m not going against the implicit rules. It was very stressful growing up and there was no warmth and love. A happy medium is required. Dds friends feel welcome and my friend also said she likes coming to my house because there’s no standing on ceremony. It’s cleaned regularly but not as much as I’d like as I’m chronically ill. I prioritise clean floors and sanitary wear.

When I was 15 my parents divorced and me and mum moved into an old Victorian end of terrace house. It had belonged to a man whose disabled wife had died a few years beforehand.
There had been a big dog there and he chain smoked. The house was smelly and nicotine stained walls .
We moved in, removed all the stinking carpets and washed the walls. Kept the dining room carpet as it looked'ok'
It wasn't nearly as bad as you've described here, but that one carpet we kept I'd noticed it looked a bit odd, summer was starting so it was hotting up. A few days later I noticed a white thing on the floor, didn't take much notice til I saw another and another - turned out it was infested with maggots!!!! The carpet was removed and burned!!!

I used to work as a carer for elderly people who needed support within their homes. Obviously some people weren't physically capable, but others had either had difficult upbringings themselves or were dealing with mental health issues. Some people qualified for help but didn't really need it, they just wanted someone to talk to.
There were a few houses in particular that I really struggled to visit. One lady had rotten food and bags of rubbish all over her house. Pizza boxes piled up on her bed. Her house stank something awful. I had to go outside periodically to breath or I would've vomited.
Another man I saw lived in a unit. His walls were brown and black, smeared. I have no idea what had happened to them. I can only guess a combination of faeces and nicotine.
It's sad in those situations as sending out a support worker just isn't enough. Me being there for an hour doesn't make any real dent, and it didn't support their mental health.

My partners in the building trade he once had a complaint made against him because he asked a woman to clear the dirty dishes from the counter top he was doing the repair at. She said he spoke down to her and shamed her he doesn't think he did but was disgusted with the festering food and the smell so may well have shown it.

He's been in houses where the kids are filthy beds are crawling. Once he came home smelling like a bin bag from working in a dirty house. It's really shocking how some people live

"Whenwilth" Your story made me feel for your mum who was working so hard. I remember how relentless it was as a single parent and not having the money to spend on the house.

I think a lot of it seems to be that people just have wildly varying standards. My parents are not mentally ill but they just don't seem to notice the dirt. My mum will wipe the kitchen counters with a manky damp cloth and declare the whole room clean, even though everything is coated in a brown, sticky film and the teaspoons are brown. When my sister had her baby, I offered to do the cleaning but she said her DP had taken care of everything. There was about three meals' worth of washing up next to the sink, dirty laundry all over the bathroom floor and the whole flat stank of cat urine. But the DP had vaccuumed, so to them it seemed clean.

My house is a mess, but it is clean. I move the piles of stuff and clean underneath. I'm hoping to sort out the mess and get my house back.

So sad reading about people who couldn't invite friends over when they were little. My kids cherish play dates and we have them often. This thread will
Stick with me I think

So sorry! I’m new here and clearly posted in wrong place!
Can I delete the above post?
Thank you

This is a first world country and it is shocking that people live this way.
It’s as if someone needs to give lessons to people about basic hygiene, social skills, etc. Sort of like how there are NCT classes for people about to have babies. If course I’m not saying that they should have to pay to attend but it’s just that things you’d expect to be taught at home from parents being the first teachers, but sadly it’s like a an ongoing circle of people who were neglected, know no different, have children treat the children the same in the same disorganised, unhealthy and unhygienic environment and the cycle continues.

I have an aging relative who's a hoarder. She's always had issues letting go of things and is very sentimental. I suspect a large part of that can be attributed to an unstable childhood through WW2 where she moved around frequently and was bombed out leaving everything behind.

She was always cluttery but clean, but as arthritis has set in it has got harder to keep on top of the house. There are places to sit and some rooms are fairly normal. Others that have little use now are piled high. The kitchen is cluttery but obviously frequently maintained. She has pets and unfortunately years of light smoking has meant she's lost her sense of smell so she can't tell when a cat has disappeared off to a corner like she could 20 years ago.

Sadly if someone doesn't want to accept help, there's little you can do about it. It's her own home. She's of sound mind and health although creaking with age. She's not endangering anyone else.

It's so sad that people live in states of ingrained filth. I remember in a public facing role at work, the damp, musty neglected bodily smell that was not uncommon. The documents that many of these people had would often have grey-yellow finger marks at the point where people touched them frequently.