To want to know what they mean by "horribly messy"

[MrsPreston11]

Just had the plumber leave mine, I always offer workmen a cup of tea and while he was finishing it he thanked me a lot saying he didn't get offered a cup the job before, but he was sort of grateful as the house was so bad.

On another occasion someone who works for a letting agent said I wouldn't believe some of the things she sees (school mum who I'm not friends with but we were having sort of a group conversation waiting to be let in, so I couldn't pry)

Now my brain is going crazy wondering what these people see on a daily basis. I mean I've seen those shows abut hoarders etc, but assume that's very rare.

Any of you in these lines of work? I want to know what it is folks who get to go to lots of homes see!! (Pure perverse nosiness on my part)

My DH used to be a dish fitter for Sky and had to go into peoples living rooms/bedrooms/wherever they wanted a box to wire it all up. Some of his stories about people's homes turn my stomach.

He often had to ask people to clear some room as there's was so much junk on the floor he couldn't move a TV stand a few inches. On a few occasions he'd see dildos and skitty underwear left on display in bedrooms. In one house he went in the living room and there were various naked children lounging about on the sofas. In that house he was upfront and said he didn't feel comfortable doing his job with naked kids in the room so could they move them or stick some clothes on them please. And one time he was wiring the box up in a living room while someone was smacking up in the corner

Many years ago I worked for a HA and one day had to go out with a manager to some properties. I was actually shocked (as a young 23 year old) that anyone could live in such a mess. Really awful to see such poverty (in some cases) and in other cases it was clear that just no one cared to make their home any better to live in.

I struggle with cleaning, I'm disabled and things like cleaning the bathroom take it out of me due to the amount of leaning over etc. But my god, from the descriptions I've read on here I live in a palace.

Having said that, I decided to remove the 'winter cat hair' from the curtains today and that took two hours, mainly due to my needing constant rests but it's done and it's nice and clean again.

Not anywhere near as bad as some of the sad posts on here, with people affected by mental health problems, but when house viewing during the property boom when we moved in 1989, some of the places didn't even get a general tidy up before we were shown around: Turds left in the toilet; carpet in the kitchen and our feet stuck to it as we walked through; a bedroom the owner wouldn't show us (same house) because the teenage son was still in bed even though it was lunch time, (and they were trying to sell their house) but there was "no point looking in there anyway, because it's just black!" (decor.) Another house in the master bedroom the double bed was all 'rucked up' and there was a pile of 'used' tissues lying on the bottom sheet!

Worst house I've ever seen was my partner's first flat. It was a house share (he shared a kitchen, living space, and bathroom with three other people, but had his own bedroom). The kitchen was utterly horrifying; dishes left in the sink for weeks on end, glasses that had mould growing in them, the floor so sticky your feet would literally get stuck.

Bottles of milk would be left in the fridge for weeks past their best before date (once found one that ran out in late September, it was mid December by this point. The milk didn't even look like milk, but resembled lumpy grey water). There were several overflowing bin bags in the corner of the living room that stunk so bad I couldn't even stay in there for any extended period of time. Stained mattresses and mouldy plates left in the hallway, toilet absolutely caked in poo, sink liberally dusted with pubes and used ear buds. Shower absolutely reeked of mould, and the bath was unuseable due to a massive hole in the bottom, but was so filthy that I wouldn't have wanted to use it anyway. Oh, and almost every wall was covered in mysterious brown or blue stains.

It was vile. My partner moved out after three months and we now live together. I'm not a neat freak but our flat is clean. No poo stains or pubey sinks to be found!

OMG this thread has made me feel much better about leaving the hoovering till tomorrow

Frogle

My god some of these stories!

I saw something on FB the other day, some guff about "excuse the mess the children are making memories" and a poem about how kids don't remember if they had a clean house, they remember the fun they had. My SIL posted them - her house is grim AF, she never has clean plates or mugs in the cupboards (you have to pick out a mouldy mug from the huge pile near the sink to make a cuppa), and her and her family seem to just dump piles of crap in the middle of the floor in every room.

Well let me say those memes/poems are utter BOLLOCKS! My mum is by no means perfect, far from it, but she kept a spotless house. We could have friends back at the drop of a hat and not be embarrassed by a mess, we could come down in the morning and have clean cutlery and plates to make our breakfast, no piles of rubbish, nothing was ever lost, everything had a place and whilst I do remember the fun I also remember that life was a lot more pleasant when we had no stress of a messy or unorganised house

Has anyone ever tried to help a resisting hoarder?

My MIL would be able to have grandkids stay if there was more space in the house (big enough house just full of unnecessary stuff).

One of her adult sons smokes in the house every day and it's dusty. Not like some of the horror stories above but not very nice.

She's very resistant to getting help & did not like it when I cleaned the kitchen once while she was at work.

She's early 70s, works damn hard and brought up men who do fuck all in the house saying it's her domain and she doesn't want them to interfere. I want to help but am I just interfering?

I think a lot of this is undiagnosed mental health issues.

It’s difficult to organize yourself with dyslexia, and depression can be very debilitating also. ADD can make sufferers unable to finish tasks. Of course addictions enslave the person and everything else falls off the To Do list.

It’s tragic really, and nothing to do with wealth or entitlement imvho.

Having adverse childhood experiences, being brought up with addiction, violence, and abuse can make it difficult for survivors to know what normal is, and how to operate and function within those parameters.

Having said that my MIL rented out a flat to a respectable, well dressed etc etc accountant and he must have wanked in the curtains day after day as they were rock hard after his lease was over a year later.

Some people really are just weird.

" a poem about how kids don't remember if they had a clean house, they remember the fun they had"

Nope. You remember not being able to invite friends home and you remember being teased for it at school.

We are using this at work just now as a guide with clients it's quite useful

sites.southglos.gov.uk/safeguarding/wp-content/uploads/sites/221/2015/05/Clutter-image-rating-scale.pdf

This

Retired GP Visited lots of houses. Agree with observations about mental health issues. Poor domestic hygiene an alarm symptom for some unfortunate folk. However, never ceased to be amazed by the squalor tolerated by people who should know and could afford better. Admit that now I’m a house husband and stay at home dad I’m a clean and tidy freak. I’m sure my kids think I’m a pain sometimes. They do get to wreck the house quite often though. My first batch of kids have commented on always being comfortable about inviting friends round because the house was clean and would have said that some of the ‘well off’ houses they went to were ‘piggin’. I had patients who were economically challenged but kept spotless houses so not necessarily a social thing. Just to really put you off your dinner, as bad as people’s houses were (it was safer not washing my hands) their personal hygiene was worse. Another story.

My dad works with the council and used to go to the houses of disabled people daily. He says about half the houses he visits on a daily basis you would want to wipe your feet on the way out. Some of the houses are general disrepair and falling apart. Others are layers upon layers of grime. The sad thing in these cases is that the majority of these people living in squalor are doing so because they don't have the funds (disabilities prevent them from working), and are physically unable to clean up their own homes. Many have carers coming in and out but they're only there to tend to medical needs and are only there a very short period of time. He says the worst houses are those without any family support. Absolutely soul destroying, that's why he changed jobs as it was having a real impact on his mental health

DD shared a house with 3 others when she was doing her Nursing degree. One was another nurse from her course - and because their uni terms added up to 44 weeks, while the others were 36 weeks a year, the two of them were left in the house together for several weeks when their housemates went home for the long summer vacation.
After a couple of weeks, they realised that they had mice (eek) - and when the landlord unlocked their housemates rooms, they were confronted with a years worth of takeaway cartons, dirty plates and cups and semi-eaten sandwiches and fruit, all scattered around the room where they'd obviously been dropped...!!!
The two housemates are now doctors

I'd be messy, as in piles of books on a table, don't always fold and put away stuff but I can't abide dirt, I have MS and can't clean some parts of the house, but ds,dh, dp all pitch in- which should be the way MS or not.

Also a sw. There's a case I have had that I used to go and buy a bottle of zoflora before I went because it gave me horrendous cleaning anxiety about my own house.
Houses that smell at much worse imo than houses that are cluttered.

I agree, it's often a symptom of severe mental health problems, addiction issues, dementia or all of the above.

Of course it depends on your standards. My mum has been known to say Ooh dear are you keeping on top of the housework? when there's yesterday's newspaper folded on a table, some fluff on the carpet and two mugs in the sink.

marhav I have no idea how GPs cope with that. Utmost respect for you. Is it possible to train yourself to not be visibly digusted by some of what you had to deal with throughout your career? Because obviously, you wouldn't want to upset people because that would be cruel but with me it'd be a reflex to gag ← not envy

A family friend used to work as a plumber and would be called out to deal with plumbing related problems in council houses, property etc. One time he was asked to investigate a blocked toilet and sewage leak at a house. On investigation, he found a litter of dead kittens which someone had tried to flush down their toilet.

Just horrific.

I’ve seen some shocking environmental conditions

I also have a client who will clean and tidy if we pretty much stand over her while she does it but cannot understand why it agree that not living in filth is best for the dc. We got into a habit of going round, telling her off about the stinking rubbish and her apologising to us like we caught her out....it was really frustrating

i was a whole house cleaner for vacant apartments and houses.getting them ready for the next tenant.
first one that came to mind was the one full of trash.mostly dry stuff so not so bad.well when i got down to scrubbing cupboards and cabinets out,sanitary napkins and tampons jammed into the walls,used ones.i filled 4 black bags, got to the bedroom and it continued thru the walls.also the entire place was a red/fire ant nest.
after that i fumigated each place with pesticides before i set foot in them.
next on the list 1 adult 3 kids 3-9,4 dogs,3 cats and enough cockroaches to fill 2 black bags.when i opened the dishwasher it had 4 inches of dead roaches in it.
t he bath had to be stripped of all removable parts and washed down with sulphuric acid to remove the shit from humans and animals.
tore up all flooring and wall board 3 feet up.got to a closet way in the back and found a tiny manx kitten, still alive curled way in the back.
took the kitten home and have her grandson sitting next to me.

was doing a background check for friends rental applications,
first one i ran had destroyed 2 houses so bad they were condemned.
i met the people involved and they reeked of meth.landlord was an idiot.did some follow up and yes, you guessed it they were in prison for manufacture.hope the 2 tots are ok.

I have not rtft for anyone reading this who lives in such a state, I understand it can be difficult but when there are DC in the house it is very sad. Try a little bit every day.

Everyone in school realises and gives the DC a lifetime complex. I get a pain in my ass cleaning, sometimes I don't feel like ironing the uniforms but I do, as I was a scruf child in wrinkley clothes . My mam is lovely, she would not prioritise cleaning over sleeping and sitting. She used all the usual no personal ever worried about cleaning on their death bed etc. No but on your death bed you want to say you done your best for your DCs to feel proud of themselves and their home.

I don't have a fancy home, I have a clean, happy home, it saddens me to see some children excluded over this.

BAMBARBAR. That's really sad. I would definitely volunteer to help an older person or a disabled person do a clean up.