AIBU, but if you have been the subject of EA FA etc it doesn't mean anything when you come to divorce.

[divorcequestions]

Friend is going through divorce ATM .

She had loads of proof of EA.
He has put her hospital with life altering injuries.

But her solicitor is saying she could lose everything as
A. The police won't charge him with anything despite not only breaking the injunction she took out on him (at the police's advice) but also any form of the abuse even though she has shown them reams of evidence.

B. The solicitor is too interested in getting her money so is insistent that friends main home which is designed to her needs to be sold.

C. Solicitor is now insisting that the tens of thousands of debt that he has run up gambling. (£8500 in one weekend) is also to be paid out of the joint pot of money. Whilst friend is living on what friends can provide.

AIBU that financially it doesn't mean anything if you have been in an EA relationship when you divorce.

There just doesn't seem to be any comeback for beating your wife, screaming abuse at her every night, keeping her without money and when she does get up the courage to divorce she is the one who ends up with nothing

It's absolutely shit.

They've also massively cut legal aid for victims of domestic abuse so even though you've had to set up a whole new household many miles away on barely any income at the same time as supporting children, you don't qualify unless you're under a very low income threshold. Meanwhile the abuser, who can afford a solicitor, will do their best to diddle you out of your share of the family home and assets.

It's all wrong.

Should add the reason friend thinks her stbexh isn't getting charged is because the police know him and to them he is a great guy.

Sadly, I would agree, there is no consideration given to the behaviour of your ex. Courts were just not interested, and despite fighting it as much as I could, I was also left with nothing, and he kept all of the assets, including the family house, whilst I have the children and no house.

It was all too easy for my exH to lie in court, contradict himself etc, and the judge just sided with him throughout.

In my experience, his gambling debt will be considered a joint debt (ie it goes into the list of overall assets and debts that each side has), and so it will be part of the final split of assets.

It's shit isn't it? But, as I found out, divorce is a paperwork exercise. Blame, emotions, morals all go out of the window, it's just a legal process to separate your assets.
I feel for your friend. Perhaps she needs a new solicitor?

The person I know was charged and convicted (non custodial sentence, FFS) and still the legal fees he racked up fighting against the conviction are going to be taken out of joint assets. So my friend is essentially having to pay the legal fees for her abuser denying that he abused her.

I was speaking to her last night and realised how lucky I was to have never gone down the marriage route. Lived with dp for 35 years. My money/debts etc are my responsibility. Dp has his own money/debts etc and we have a joint mortgage. Wills leaving everything to each other etc.

If dp ran up debts whilst we were splitting up then they would be his debts not mine.

I said the debt was tens of thousands she said the latest is a hundred thousand pounds and climbing. He is taking out loans left right and centre and because he is still married they become her debts as well.

Surely that can't be right

So why is there so much store set out to report domestic violence when it doesn't mean anything?

I have posted a longer thread in the divorce section. But was posting here for traffic.

She is in court in the next few days. A barrister has been hired but she doesn't know who they are. Her solicitor who isn't around for the next few weeks has said they will meet her in the court waiting room

Sounds like she has a shit solicitor to be honest. She needs a shit HOT one.

Sorry posted too soon.

This is the deferred date from last year because stbexh hadn't completed his form E. He has since "sold" his business at a quarter of what it was valued at 10 years ago.

He has not completed any forms and is now saying the domestic abuse came from her.

All the solicitors who were shit hot wanted money up front and she didn't have any

Also can you change solicitors days before your 1st court date.

Sorry thinking of stuff friend told me .

Apparently she cannot get the decree nisi because he hasn't completed all the forms.

Really sorry she's going through this. For what it's worth she could approach some of the local universities, lots of them have Pro Bono units and although yes they're still technically students they're fresh, keen and enthusiastic, which doesn't sound like the one she has

But, as I found out, divorce is a paperwork exercise. Blame, emotions, morals all go out of the window, it's just a legal process to separate your assets.
Actually it's a process to get lawyers some money, that's all. Of course everyone involved can lie with impunity.

Change solicitor.

Go by recommendation.

My solicitor nailed him to the mast for verbal abuse and emptying the joint bank account etc.

I would never have got full custody without it etc. My solicitor was always be 'more than reasonable' but I got everything.

Please change solicitor and go for a personal recommendation. I saw about 4 before I engaged my solicitor. Mine was Princess Diana's former solicitor. I spent a lot but a good job was done.

Another vote for change solicitor.

The university idea sounds good. I will tell her to look into it.

Her solicitor is so bad that friend mentioned her blue car parking badge and solicitor looked at her in amazement that she was disabled. Actually said she didn't know friend was disabled. Friend is clearly disabled. It isn't a case of having a hidden disability plus all the paperwork about the house is about her disability and how the house is adapted to her needs

Is there anyway that the loans that were taken out by stbexh since they split. (Date is in police records) could be assigned to him and him alone.

Will they take any notice of the fact that he has spent £100000 + in Corals, William Hill, Paddy Power etc. In the last few months.

Does she have any comeback to these companies.

Spending by him post-separation of course should be taken account of in the settlement (nothing to do with bookies though - why would they get involved?)

If she is meeting the barrister on the same day as court can she type out bullet points of the issues i.e DV has left her permanently disabled (and attached copy of consultant letter confirming that), he has spent £x since the split (again attached bank statement etc); loans taken out by him were fraudently taken out in her name, that she is now benefit dependet, his earnings, again with proof. etc etc

She should post in legal tbh. While it's great you're supporting her, only she will have all the facts at her disposal.

I was mentioning the bookies being responsible as someone who is clearly spending and losing thousands every week shouldn't the book makers take some responsibility.

If you go into a bar and drink yourself stupid then continue to be served alcohol then go out and kill someone doesn't the bar owner take some responsibility.

Friend because of certain circumstances which I can't go into here is unable to post that is why I am doing it.

The bullet points idea is good as it will help focus her .

I can come up with some but it needs putting succinctly so there is no muddle.

Why hasn't the decree nisi been issued.This is normally done first and then the financial stuff,firm e etc.And assets /debts are from the day you separate.Fie example my exH got a sizable inheritance 2months after we split which I could not claim.
What exactly is she going to court for if the decree nisi has not been granted?
She seriously needs a better solicitor.

I think the decree nisi hasn't been issued because he refuses to answer the question has he been married before.
So if this is in the affirmative did he get divorced or is the marriage just not recognised in this country.
No one can tell because he isn't saying anything.
This brings up the subject of his "other" family in his home country. The home country which he apparently escaped from in fear for his life but once he got indefinite leave to stay he returns to for 2 months at a time every year.

That is a whole other chapter.

Friend wishes she could have gone with a different solicitor but wasn't eligible for legal aid because she jointly owns a rental property and only on £20 per week UC because of her disabilities it was not possible to engage anyone who she felt was acting for her as they wanted money she didn't have upfront.

Go see divorcelifeline.co.uk/ as they successfully pursue wrongdoing solicitors when commonly, wives are misadvised, misled and generally ripped off by badly behaving solicitors.