Well there goes the last of my friends.....

[murphys]

Just to put you in picture, I am divorced so a single mum to two teenagers and therefore money is a bit tight and I have to budget well and plan meals/shopping to make ends meet.

I am not sure if any others have had this problem, but when a separation or divorce happens, there is a huge loss of friends...either as they side with the other party, or more like in my case, having been friends with couples, I am not really welcomed in that group of friends anymore, me being single is obviously more of an issue for them then for me. So be it, they weren't that good friends anyway then were they.

So really my only friends right now are one couple who both work, but are notoriously bad with money. They never have any. Their son is a spoilt brat and gets whatever he wants, whenever. He is not a small child, but of working age, doesn't contribute, rules the house.. you get the picture.

Having a conversation with the wife a 2 days ago, she was complaining about how broke they were, so much so that she couldn't even afford to buy a bar of soap, cupboards are bare, electric meter about to run out within next day or so... so yes, pretty broke.

So, me being me, feel sorry for them, so when I go shopping for myself, double up everything I buy and go around to them with 4 bags of groceries. Including 2 bars of soap, a few chocolates... She isn't home but the husband is, I say I have some shopping for them and he accepts, says thank you and it will all help, seemed appreciative.

I get a message from her last night saying thank you, I am a wonderful friend etc etc. My dc know about this, know what a tight budget we are on, so I say we should think of others before ourselves, trying to set a good example I suppose.

Now, fuck me haven't I just gone into Facebook and there the husband has a picture of a bulk pack of LAMB that he has bought from a supermarket (assume this morning), complaining about it. He is complaining as what looks like it is good meat from the top, underneath all the nice bits of lamb is basically stewing meat and ribs. And on the picture I can see the price.

Now I am a little pissed to be honest. They said to me they wouldn't be getting any money in until the 15th, If you are on such a tight budget, wouldn't you buy chicken, pork, cheaper cuts of meat, not a bloody pack of lamb, which here is the most expensive meat currently. So they obviously have received money or had sufficient funds to buy this. I can tell you that we will not be eating lamb this month, or the next I am sure. I know he has bought it himself ( it wasn't gifted) as in the facebook message he has said that he now is inconvenienced as has to drive back to the shop to get his money back.

So, basically I am short now in my grocery funds, but they are eating pretty well it seems.

Do you think I am over-reacting a bit here? I just feel a bit of a mug really.

Don't assume. Could have been in the freezer, could have been given to them, could have been reduced late yesterday etc

Thanks for all the posts, I will definitely pull back from the friendship and see how it fairs.

you are not giving from the right perspective I will disagree with you Slarty, I only did what I thought right at the time.

Thanks for your post Lucy and sorry to read about your mum.

If you think you did it from the right perspective, why so annoyed about the lamb?
you still helped, either warranted or unwarranted.

Elsie I think so too, different standards of living differ for different people.

Lesson learned you don't have the luxury in your finances to be bailing out other people. Don't put yourself short!!

Do you think you are so conscious of having lost friends that you felt you have to keep them? Buying friendships will likely just end up with them thinking you are a mug and taking advantage.

You gave help but I think you are right to feel misled about how poor they are even though they didn't directly ask you for help. As them for some lamb. It could be true that the DH felt he lost face having to accept groceries from you so posted this on Facebook.

why so annoyed about the lamb

I did highlight it was lamb yes. I only mentioned it as it is very expensive meat here. For the price of one meal of lamb, you could get 4 or 5 of chicken, mince, pork.... I was under the impression that they had nothing (as that is what I was made to believe).

But I do see they could have received it by other means. But if they had put money aside as didn't need to buy the essentials as I had, they still could have bought something more economical.

This is why I mentioned the type of meat. It doesn't really matter in hindsight. Its still a ways off from the 15th, and I am only going by what the wife said to me. Chances are the husband is either not telling her the truth, keeping money back, has made a loan, whatever the case may be. The point for me, is on that day, she felt destitute.

What would others have done? As to me, this would be a normal reaction. No food banks and no government help here. Generally, the replies have been that I should butt out, which I will now do. But what would you have done if you were in a similar position?

I think the man has had his pride dented by your shopping
ignore him.
carry on with your friendship.
assume they cannot budget sensibly.

In my experience the people who are most vocal about being totally broke never are-they always seem to be able to buy luxuries-it's a harsh lesson to learn though and a shame as you'll probably not help anyone else in a similar situation .

They didn’t ask for your help though, maybe your help enabled them to spare up some cash and go buy the lamb.

Such a shame that your good was wasted on such apparently undeserving people.

It is probably not a good idea to discuss money in depth with friends and one person's version of brok
e is unlikely to be the same as another's