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AIBU?

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Original poster

To punish laziness

46 replies

Marypoppins19 · 03/04/2018 20:47

DS is 10 and we are not enjoying this current phase. He’s become very, very lazy. Can’t be bothered at school, his teacher is always saying that he just can’t be bothered. He’s having to be bribed to to home work or loose the iPad etc. At clubs he’s just being grumpy and can’t eh bothered to the point where the leaders have asked what the problem is. He’s being horrid to his brother constantly. Showing off, back chatting etc.
This morning he wanted to go on the Xbox so I said that’s fine but he needed to be really good this evening for his dad and try hard at swimming lessons. He had 4 hours on the Xbox and has been a nightmare this evening! He chucked his shoes at his dad in the changing room and couldn’t be bothered in his lesson.
He had the afternoon at a friends and plenty of fresh air, good food and praise. I’m seriously tired of trying to praise the good when all heh is doing is being a nightmare.

OP posts:
Sandsnake · 03/04/2018 20:56

My DS is only young so feel free to discount my advice but - do you think it might be the computer games / screens? I remember being that age and getting really into my games, to the point that I found a lot of other things boring and pointless. It didn’t get better until my parents strictly regulated computer games until I was old enough that self regulate. Even now if I spend too long on my phone I get lazy and disinterested in other things!

Feel free to ignore the above if not relevant. Hope it gets better.Smile

Original poster
Marypoppins19 · 03/04/2018 21:01

No, no I think that’s really valid point. I think you could really be on to something with the screen time.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 03/04/2018 21:04

Only allow the screen time and x box after he has earnt it. So behave and out in effort at club means same amount of screen time next day etc

Allthebestnamesareused · 03/04/2018 21:04

Put not out

Wolfiefan · 03/04/2018 21:06

Four hours is way too long on the X box. You also gave the reward before you got the behaviour you wanted. Behave well today. X box later.
Pick your battles. Be clear and consistent with consequences. And look forward to the teen years! Wink

geekone · 03/04/2018 21:08

I would give the computer games as a reward for good behaviour not beforehand on a promise of good behaviour. IMHO 4 hours is way too long. We allow 30-60 minutes a day unless travelling then he is allowed 90 minutes in the car.

Fairylea · 03/04/2018 21:09

Does he actually want to do the out of school clubs? Swimming etc? Maybe he’s just not interested in them anymore. I wouldn’t push a child to do a club they don’t want to do, personally I think school is enough really unless it’s something they really want to do and are very passionate about. He sounds tired of it all.

geekone · 03/04/2018 21:09

Wolfiefan snap

Wolfiefan · 03/04/2018 21:10

Haha. Parent of a teen too?!
Wink

DairyisClosed · 03/04/2018 21:10

Surely the video games are encouraging laziness. 100% gratification for 0% effort. Whatever the cause you absolutely must nip it in the bud. Short of being evil/violent laziness is the worst personality trait to have. It will ruin his life if he remains lazy. Do what you must OP.

DailyMailBestForBums · 03/04/2018 21:20

We found the same with DS. Fucking Fortnite! His screen time is limited. No xbox at all on a school day, max 2 hours on holidays/weekends, and he has to go out with friends/play outside/go for a walk to balance out the screen time. Also, bad behaviour after a warning = the loss of a day's screen time. Massive improvements in attitude and behaviour.

Original poster
Marypoppins19 · 03/04/2018 21:22

Yep I’ve really not got the balance right at all.

OP posts:
Movablefeast · 03/04/2018 21:23

It could also be something to do with the beginning of puberty as my 11 year is a lazy sod! He also grew about 4 inches this year to 5'6", taller than me. We are not in the UK and his teachers recommended last year that he join a group which teaches "Executive Skills" (no not marching around with a briefcase) but organizing and prioritizing tasks etc. He is in a group of 8 four days a week and they are taught how to manage themselves and their school work.

He has always been a decent student but I realised a couple of months ago that he could really be doing a lot better as he was dropping easy points from sheer laziness. I told him I thought he could easily have straight As and to my amazement he has risen to the challenge. He now has a A in everything except a B+ in sport.

The teachers told me he could move out of the ES skills class after the summer but I persuaded them to keep him in for another year as I feel he has just finally developed and shown the personal responsibility he needs and I don't want to let him off the hook too easily Wink.

Boys getting lazy as they enter middle school/puberty has been a theme with my mum friends recently so it's not uncommon.

Definitely restrict screen time, that always helps. DS is a huge gamer. My son has only shown interest in a martial art so we make sure to keep that going as he loves it. One of his older sisters rows and he has the build for it (tall, big hands and feet Grin) so I have signed him up for a camp this summer in the hope it will spark an interest.

Does your son have any hobbies/interests other than screens and gaming?

Original poster
Marypoppins19 · 03/04/2018 21:23

Fairylea - if he have them up he’d be even lazier

OP posts:
YorkieDorkie · 03/04/2018 21:25

4 hours is an incredibly long time on an Xbox!! I would remove it and only return it when the behaviour you're seeing is acceptable.

Original poster
Marypoppins19 · 03/04/2018 21:26

How do you think I should divide up his sceen time? Set a timer? How much time is right do you think?

OP posts:
crispsahoy · 03/04/2018 21:39

My ds is 10, he's only happy in front of a screen.

I've given up trying him with clubs, he'll like them for a week or 2 then totally lose interest. He's ok when in school but homework is an argument.

He doesn't tidy up after himself, his hygiene is hard work.

He was banned off technology for a week & half for messy bedroom and there was a definite change in him. I can't help with how much time is right as I'm too soft and anything for an easy life.

LJdorothy · 03/04/2018 22:11

'The anything for an easy life' parenting route is one of the reasons teaching nowadays is such hard work.

Wolfiefan · 03/04/2018 22:11

Too soft.
Anything for an easy life.
But it won't be easy when he's older. Set boundaries and do the hard work and consequences now. Or it'll be harder when he's older.

Wolfiefan · 03/04/2018 22:13

X post LJ
I have to live with the consequences of my parenting decisions. Enforcing boundaries and consequences when kids are younger makes the teen years a whole lot nicer.

geekone · 03/04/2018 22:16

Wolfiefan 8 year old going on 14 exasperating 😂

Movablefeast · 03/04/2018 22:17

What about your DH OP? How does he parent your DS?

Wolfiefan · 03/04/2018 22:25

Honestly my nearly 15 year old is generally lovely. Because I didn't let him behave badly at aged 10. Clear and consistent is the way forward. Keep talking but don't take the easy way out.

5plusMeAndHim · 03/04/2018 22:27

It is called puberty!

Original poster
Marypoppins19 · 03/04/2018 22:29

DP is Great and we are on the same page. We want to improve things.

OP posts:
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