Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared about social work visit?

31 replies

SparkleHorse82 · 03/04/2018 18:15

Changed my username...

I am (I have to reluctantly admit) suffering from post natal anxiety. Last week I did something really nuts. My baby (8 mo) was crying a lot and in trying to settle her I jiggled her a bit and then scared myself that it amounted to shaking (it really didn't, but hindsight it a wonderful thing. I basically had a panic attack). I rang 111, was directed to A&E and there my baby was found to be fine but the incident was referred to social services.

Honestly, she couldn't be more safe. We're a normal two parent family, both with professional jobs, with tons of support from local friends and from my parents. I'm just a bit stressed out at the moment and not handling it brilliantly emotionally.

My baby has been ill a lot in her first few months, in and out of hospital. She has bad eczema which means we get very little sleep as she is uncomfortable. I am breastfeeding and have carried on despite numerous issues but keep getting mastitis. On top of it all we are getting married soon. There's just a lot on my plate and I think it's tipped over to PND.

Tomorrow we have a home visit from the social worker. Does anyone know what I can expect from it?

I'm so scared. I have no experience of anything like this.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 03/04/2018 18:18

Bless you. Tell them what you have said here: you categorically did not shake her, you just panicked because you'd jiggled her about.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 03/04/2018 18:19

Have you already been to see your GP about possible pnd.If not do this.
Social workers are there to help you and see if you need additional support.

Want2bSupermum · 03/04/2018 18:22

I don't know what the procedures are but please know there are lots of resources out there to help you with post natal anxiety. It sounds very stressful having a poorly baby, struggles with BF while also returning to work. SS are not always the monster they are made out to be. If you need help they might be able to get help mobilized faster if you let them help you.

Hope it goes well and you get the help you need for your health

ScruffyTheGuinea · 03/04/2018 18:23

Do you know what-people scaremongers about SS ....
I was accused of something dreadful a couple of years ago. Was totally untrue and nearly broke me. More than one ‘professional’ was against me.
SS came in and did a CP assessment. They were amazing, saw exavtkybwhatbhad happened (malice), investigated and got to the bottom of it and closed the case
I honestly think in your case, of you explain the truth they will probably help and support you
Good luck and I hope soon you’re feeling better 💐

ScruffyTheGuinea · 03/04/2018 18:24

exactly what had

Sorry typing and cooking don’t mix

thethoughtfox · 03/04/2018 18:28

Just tell the truth. They are there to help and support families.

Notevilstepmother · 03/04/2018 18:28

They will come and see you, have a chat, look at where the baby sleeps. They may be able to ensure that the HV comes to see if you are ok, and that you are getting help from your GP if you have PND.

Just tell them what you told us, about the jiggling and that you over reacted, becuase you care.

Don’t worry. Flowers

sonypony · 03/04/2018 18:39

Just explain the truth. You didn't harm her at all and it wasn't that you shook her in anger/not coping you panicked about standard jiggling. I've had an experience almost identical to Scruffy SW was brilliant. She just wanted to hear from me exactly what didn't happen, see DC with me and their bedroom. They normally ask to see their bedroom apparently.

5plusMeAndHim · 03/04/2018 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ScruffyTheGuinea · 03/04/2018 19:05

Really helpful .......
OP explained she panicked. When you’re anxious you can worry and exaggerate so the little jiggle was probably magnified in OPs mind as in ‘what if it was too much’ when it wasn’t
OP needs support not to be made to question herself more she did the right thing

Original poster
SparkleHorse82 · 03/04/2018 19:12

thanks scruffy that's exactly it - its because it was as i was lifting her so was holding under her arms so i freaked out and started overthinking what was quite a mild gesture. That's why I called 111 but obviously they have to be cautious. It was a classic panic attack - racing mind, sweating, vomited and loose bowels. Baby by this point was giggling!

If anyone had been home they would have talked me down but I was on my own.

I'm so upset I've put my mum and df through this as well.

OP posts:
whopureedmypeas · 03/04/2018 19:13

Wow. Clearly never suffered with anxiety 5plus as thats not helpful at all. With anxiety you overthink every tiny thing, let the smallest thing esculate into something huge and always, always think the worst possible scenario. I can imagine what this 'visit' is doing to your anxiety OP and please do not panic....easy thing to say I know! Just tell the SS team what you told us and if you havent already seen a GP., then do so. I.promise theybare there tonhelp and will not judge and you feel so much better unloading. And it will show SS you want to address your anxiety x

LudoFriend · 03/04/2018 19:15

I went through a similar situation after my first. Three accidents in the space of a few months and a&e referred us. I was terrified, and honestly I couldn't have been more wrong about what I thought would happen. The social worker who saw me was lovely, and not at all judgemental. This is a frequent part of their job, and their aim will be to help you however they can.

For my first meeting it was a very casual chat about how I felt and how I was coping, and asking me if I had any thoughts as to how they could help. She interacted with my DC and commented that seeing he was happy, healthy and clean that she knew I was a good mother. That cleaning up toys and family clutter wasn't as important as looking after myself. I genuinely felt better after seeing her than I did before I was referred.

Don't be worried. They want to help and in my experience they're not judgemental, or as scary as you might imagine.

Quietlife1979 · 03/04/2018 19:18

op is relax and give up breastfeeding. Formula is just fine and it will give you that space.

Be honest and open with SS - however be very mindful of what you say.

tinydancer88 · 03/04/2018 19:31

OP I can completely understand how anxiety makes us see a problem or danger where there isn't one, and I'm sure SS will be able to see that. You're tired and stressed out; I think it is to your credit that although you were panicked and perhaps the cause of your worry was a little irrational, you acted in what you thought was your child's best interest by calling 111.
Hope the meeting goes well tomorrow and that things get less stressful for you soon.

PandaPieForTea · 03/04/2018 19:47

Her baby wasn’t hurt by the jiggling and it wasn’t ‘symptoms from excessively jiggling’ that made her go to A&E, just anxiety.

I remember when DD1 was a baby and was sick all over herself. We had to hose her down with the shower and she started wailing. I had a look at her and her arm was blue. I was sure we’d broken it somehow. Luckily DH was there and pointed out that she was wailing from being cold and the blue was also from being cold or I’d have taken her to A&E for ‘her broken arm’.

Sometimes babies make you panic and become a bit irrational. Particularly if you’ve little experience of tiny babies and particularly if you are anxious already.

corythatwas · 03/04/2018 19:52

5plus, I suffer from anxiety. I lay awake last night for several hours stressing until I was nearly sick because I had got it into my head that a deadline was today, though I know perfectly well it is not until the beginning of June. The anxiety was literally too bad for me to get out of bed, switch the computer on and check the date, because I felt I couldn't bear to see the bad news. The deadline, of course, is in June. Now please come back and tell me the deadline must be today because otherwise I couldn't have got into such a state. (and then perhaps you'd better write to my employers and tell them, too)

Now obviously, nobody would ever have known about this panic attack because I wasn't going to tell them. A deadline is rarely a matter of life and death, however bad you may feel while the panic attack lasts. But if there was a small baby involved and there was even the slightest risk that she needed medical attention, then I would called 111 too. And ime 111 always do tell you to go to A & E.

pollyhampton · 03/04/2018 19:57

My wonderful sil 'phoned 999 in a panic as she found herself stood over her ds cot with a pillow in her hand because she couldn't cope with his crying anymore. Every professional she dealt with couldn't have been nicer or kinder, she had ss visits but for help only. They could see she was suffering from PND and would never harm her son. Honestly, please don't worry about it.

PrettyLittIeThing · 03/04/2018 20:22

In my experience ss will want to see every room so be prepared for that. (They may not but in my case they did ask) I had a malicious referral made and tbh the sw was a nightmare so I was glad when she finally left, just be honest with them and hopefully they will go away.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 03/04/2018 20:44

I'm sorry. Op's anxiety trumps baby's wellbeing?? Op be honest with ss. I think you have an issue. I've read today on mumsnet sulking is abuse and jiggling a baby is ok!! It's a different world at times!

moita · 03/04/2018 21:00

Definitely be honest - my SIL had severe PND and her and BIL had a visit from social services after SIL turned up to A&E in a higjly agitated stated with DN screaming her head off. Social worker was fantastic, SIL has had lots of help for the PND and DN is fine.

whopureedmypeas · 03/04/2018 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ConciseandNice · 03/04/2018 22:03

Oh love, I’m so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. You are doing a sterling job, boobing your baby (and through illness too), sleeplessness and worry. I would say stick with the breastfeeding (firstly) but maybe cut dairy from your diet if you haven’t already.

Most importantly, please don’t worry, SW are there to help. It’s their job, to help and make sure families are safe and happy. They’ll chat to you, be honest with them, and they’ll give you advice and referral for further help with your anxiety. They aren’t out to castigate you or take your baby or even to make life more difficult. SWs are humans and are doing their job because they care deeply about families. It’ll be ok. Xx

Marriedwithchildren5 · 03/04/2018 22:07

whopureedmypeas No I don't? Was that a genuine question? I don't actually know what you mean.

I do put things bluntly sometimes. I do often apologise if I've come across rude. I meant, to the op, not to hide things from ss. There is no shame in having a different opinion.

I get anxiety. I also understand pnd. Which is probably why I read far more into op's post than a panic attack at a bad time.

Don't shame me. I'm also a mum who's opinion you've disregarded Confused

5plusMeAndHim · 03/04/2018 22:22

Really if I was sock puppeting I would hardly used such a silimar name.Have a bit of sense
MNHQ please verify!