*Potentially triggering* someone's saying they sexually assaulted me

[Neverender]

This is such a weird, creepy situation to be in, but I lived with my best friend (let's call her Anna) and her fiancé (let's call him Simon) for a year, about 10yrs ago. They have since split up and I haven't seen him for all that time. Neither has Anna.

I got a message on Facebook from Simon's brother at the weekend to say that he's been telling him that he 'intimately touched' me when I was passed out drunk one night.

I'm really looking for advice as to what the hell I now do with that gem of information. Either it's a) not true (I have zero recollection of anything like this happening), or b) true but I have no memory of it.

I've told Anna and she is angry but he was always a bit creepy so it is believable. I'm on the verge of just deciding it didn't happen. I can't go to the police as I don't remember anything at all.

Any help appreciated. Posted here for traffic.

My questions would be, why has this person told you that now? What would be his motivation? Does he want his brother to pay for his crime (cos it is a crime)

I dont mean to hijack. I'm a little confused when people say report it, there will be a record. I was raped at as a 13 year old 10 years ago by at 20 year old man. My mum reported it and I denied the whole thing and told them it was consensual. My memories are really hazy around this time so I got in contact with the police recently for some clarity. They have no record of this whatsoever And told me that it's not on file anymore. Is this a sign of previous times maybe? How long are reports like this kept? After my experience recently with the police, where they repeatedly and aggresively tried to pressure me to make a new report - I wouldn't report in your shoes OP but I would seek out some support services to make sense of it all.

it is perfectly possible that nothing ever happened to you, given that you don't remember it at all.

Some of Worboys victims didn't realise what happened until they put two and two together after the fact. Being black out drunk means you don't remember, how can you remember that happened while you were asleep?

OP, I woudln't report or maybe I'd ask the police if they could take a statement for a record but not press charges. Not that he doesn't deserve it if true but you don't need that in your life for somethign that won't get to trial.

Also I hate the expression of a victim 'doing the right thing' by reporting. It is NOT the right thing for everybody - as someone with fragile mental health, I fear the consequences of fully reporting may have been catastrophic. I appreciate that this may not be the case for OP but 'do the Right thing' stings somehow, like not only was a victimised but I didn't do a good job of being a victim as I didn't do the right thing iyswim?
If the circumstances are appropriate and the person is ready to report then I would obviously always encourage that though.

Women who were raped and had rape kits, and went to the police and text friends to say they'd been raped, do not get to see their attackers behind bars. Simon would never see a court room based on his brother facebooking the OP. That's not evidence in any way.

You don't have to rush into a decision. It's all about what is going to be right for you. Screenshot the message (not sure if they can be deleted or not?) and take time to think about what you want to do.

Simon would never see a court room based on his brother facebooking the OP. That's not evidence in any way.

And if the police spoke to Simon and he gave them the story in person? A confession to a family member can be a pretty powerful thing. One thing a victim rarely has is a witness, so the legal system is dealing with a "Yes there was sexual contact but we don't know that it wasn't consensual" issue. This incident would be 100% non-consensual. But of course whether the OP wants to go down that road or not is up to her.

hope your ok this morning op. I think speaking to someone would be a good idea . The decision to speak to the police can only be yours it's not right for everyone I will never report what happened to me as I couldn't face it. I was young, drunk , dressed in not much , and at his home, I had also slept with someone that day. I know none of this means It was my fault but I also know it could be used against me. I really feel for you as I do find the not knowing exactly what happened very hard I just remember going to bed alone and waking up next morning to it. I've never spoken to anyone which probably isn't a good decision. So if you feel able to I'd speak to whoever you feel comfortable with