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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

*Potentially triggering* someone's saying they sexually assaulted me

57 replies

Neverender · 03/04/2018 17:40

This is such a weird, creepy situation to be in, but I lived with my best friend (let's call her Anna) and her fiancé (let's call him Simon) for a year, about 10yrs ago. They have since split up and I haven't seen him for all that time. Neither has Anna.

I got a message on Facebook from Simon's brother at the weekend to say that he's been telling him that he 'intimately touched' me when I was passed out drunk one night.

I'm really looking for advice as to what the hell I now do with that gem of information. Either it's a) not true (I have zero recollection of anything like this happening), or b) true but I have no memory of it.

I've told Anna and she is angry but he was always a bit creepy so it is believable. I'm on the verge of just deciding it didn't happen. I can't go to the police as I don't remember anything at all.

Any help appreciated. Posted here for traffic.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 03/04/2018 21:39

But ReanimatedSGB, people are saying to report the message. Nothing else. And op does have proof of the message.

Liskee · 03/04/2018 21:53

I agree with the majority of PP, report the message.

This sounds like an horrific thing to be told about, true or not.

Smurfy23 · 03/04/2018 21:56

I would report it. In all likelihood it wont go anywhere but theres a record of it.

My big worry would be that this wasnt aone off thing.

tornadoinmyhead · 03/04/2018 22:00

This is awful. If someone had told me this,I do not think I would have been able to just put it out of my mind, OP. I hope you are able to find some answers.

Flowers I have no solutions but didn't want to read and run.

tornadoinmyhead · 03/04/2018 22:02

my big worry would be that this wasn't a one off thing Smurfy Me too. And if the police know, that means if someone else reports this guy then they can get a clearer picture. Sexual predators rarely have one victim.

Okaynowimconfused · 03/04/2018 22:03

I would report OP. Nothing may come of it but it's still best to get it out there.

Original poster
Neverender · 03/04/2018 22:06

I do know him, both Simon and the brother. I haven't seen them for years but Simons's brother was my brother's friend and lived with my brother. He's a far, far, nicer person than Simon is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Neverender · 03/04/2018 22:06

Tornado - I'm really trying to put it out of my head but it just keeps coming back. Thank you x

OP posts:
windchimesabotage · 03/04/2018 22:06

Please report it to the police. Nothing may come of it but at least you would have done the right thing in trying to get something done about an abuser. He cant be left to go around doing this to people. Just go in and ask or ring 101 and ask for advice. The brothers message IS evidence. It could all be none sense and nothing may have happened to you but then again it may have and that man might be going about regularly doing that to people.

What a horrible thing to have to deal with Flowers Flowers

Enidblyton1 · 03/04/2018 22:07

Did you get this message on Sunday morning? Could it possibly be a weird and distasteful April fool?!

Original poster
Neverender · 03/04/2018 22:08

He's definitely Simon's brother reanimated

OP posts:
Original poster
Neverender · 03/04/2018 22:09

Thank you everyone for being so kind and for not calling me stupid.

Enid - it was Saturday PM so not an April fool, sadly.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 03/04/2018 22:11

Op did you respond to the message?

Lweji · 03/04/2018 22:13

One of them should definitely have a serious chat with the police.
Either for the assault or for lying.

Original poster
Neverender · 03/04/2018 22:18

Yes I asked when this was and he said it was in the yr I was living there. It freaks me out so much that it might have been at the start and then I carried on living with him in the house and didn't know. My imagination is running away at moments but I went to work today and seem to be able to deal with 'normal' so I suppose that's a good thing. I've been reeling since sat pm. I was going to tell my Mum but there were too many other people around so I didn't. I will see her tomorrow and might tell her then... I just don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Neverender · 03/04/2018 22:19

I'm 36 now so I wasn't a minor but I'm aware that the way I'm talking about speaking to my Mum might come across as though I'm much younger.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 03/04/2018 22:21

Not at all. My mum would be useless in this situation but I hope that my Dd will still come to me at 36yo. I hope she never has to under these circumstances but given the current climate I’ll be prepared. Sad

Teachtolive · 03/04/2018 22:23

If you report it, as NotTakenUsername says, it could become important in future proceedings or indeed there could be other people who have already come forward about him and it could help build a case against him. Only you can decide what the right thing is for you though. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Viviennemary · 03/04/2018 22:25

It's probably quite likely that nothing happened to you at all. But this person sounds a dangerous individual either way. If he did assault you then he committed a crime and if he has given a false confession then that's also against the law. I think I would report it to the police. Or maybe he didn't confess anything and the other brother made it up. Either way you are rightly extremely upset and that's wrong.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 03/04/2018 22:42

Honestly, I’d just say ‘Thank you for letting me know’ and then ignore it. You have no idea if it’s true or not, Simon could well be lying to cause issues. Even if it is true, you have no recollection of it, no details, nothing. All you would be reporting is a message from his brother...there’s virtually nothing to be gained and a whole lot of grief to go through.

Blondephantom · 03/04/2018 22:44

As PPs have said, report it. State you don’t remember anything but have received this message. You don’t have to press charges and the police may decline to press any themselves but the information will be there for if something similar happens in the future.

NotTakenUsername · 03/04/2018 23:13

AnnieAnoniMouser a man once claimed he slept with me to another person. I trust this person implicitly.
I never followed that up. I wish I would have confronted him but he was such a horrible person I couldn’t even face communication with him.
It really had an impact on me. Either he was making it up or it happened when I was unconscious (I was a heavy party goer in my younger years). Either way I felt incredibly violated. Not knowing if it happened or not was no consolation, quite the opposite.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 03/04/2018 23:20

NotTakenUsername

I’m sorry to hear that 💐

I don’t understand how it relates to my post though?

NotTakenUsername · 03/04/2018 23:24

Thank you. You just reminded me of that experience when you said “you have no idea if it’s true or not” as a reason to just ignore it.

birdladyfromhomealone · 03/04/2018 23:30

How do you know he doesnt have form for this in the past? maybe other women have been to the police in the past but there was no evidence and their complaint was just put on file? The brothers evidence could lead to a conviction for any past victims. Go to the police