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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours behaviour

35 replies

Dobbythesockelf · 03/04/2018 16:23

About 2 years ago a man moved into the house next door. He is late 20's, lives alone, seemed quiet, we didn't think much about it. 8 months later we started having some trouble. He would knock on doors late at night, we would hear him shouting even though he lives alone, he would set up a punching bag outside at 1am. He then walked into one of our neighbours houses and an altercation occurred.
His behaviour escalated from there, we would come home to find him crouching on the floor outside his door with a bat, he would wander up and down the street shouting late at night, police were called numerous times. He then started to focus his attention on me, he would wait until my dh went to work then knock on my door, sometimes dressed in drag, sometimes ask me round for a drink. When I asked him to stop as I had a young baby he started to get aggressive. He would come round to tell me he was going to kill my cats if they went in his garden, they weren't my cats btw. Last year he was on a bus at the same time as me and sat behind me talking about how we were all out to get him, swearing etc. I ended up in tears and he was thrown off the bus. I havnt seen him since.
Today I had to go to town but had no car so was on the bus again with my dd, I am also 6 months pregnant. Once again he got on, sat near me and started muttering and swearing. He then started shouting that his neighbours had cut his electric line and he was gonna kill the fuckers.
We know he has some mental health issues and social services are involved after he punched his mum. I have contacted the police again. When it's written down it all seems a bit silly but he's massive and quite intimidating, he only ever does anything when I'm alone or with my dd. It's starting to really get to me now. So wibu to contact the police again?

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Mookatron · 03/04/2018 16:25

It doesn't seem a bit silly. Is he still a neighbour? If so, yes, contact the police again.

Mental health services are so appalling in this country. Sometimes it takes police involvement to get some help.

RatherBeRiding · 03/04/2018 16:28

Not silly at all. Keep phoning the police - as the PP said mental health services are so poor that the police will have all the numbers of all the local community mental health teams, as they will be picking up the fallout from insufficient community care.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2018 16:31

It doesn't sound silly at all. It sounds really quite scary

Yes I agree to call the police, even if only for advice. I'd say they would take a threat like that quite seriously.

Dobbythesockelf · 03/04/2018 16:33

He's still our neighbour but has been quiet for the last few months. Last time the police told him to leave me alone but it doesn't seem to have lasted long. What makes me really angry is that his mum refuses to acknowledge his behaviour and says he's just misunderstood. She has been told that he scared me so much that last summer I didn't like going out in my garden alone, he invited a 13 year old girl into his house for tea and she said he was just being friendly and she didn't know what the fuss was about but we live next to a school. She moved 45 mins away and only comes to see him every 3 months or so. He seems to have no support network at all. I don't want him punished as such but I really think he needs some help.

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concretesieve · 03/04/2018 16:34

Agree it's not silly and you should contact the police again.

mynamechangemyrules · 03/04/2018 16:47

My lovely cousin has mental health issues, she knows this well, and knew an episode was coming. She called her mental health workers and STILL had to phone the police on herself because the MH professionals had to admit they were too overstretched to help.
She is Bipolar and has two young children so knew it was important to contain what she knew was coming, but still, volunteering yourself for arrest and sectioning because you can't get appropriate support is shit.

Sorry OP totally off your topic really, but this just makes me sad... Phone the police again and again and again until someone in some office somewhere realises he needs consistent support. Poor bloke and poor you.

stayathomegardener · 03/04/2018 16:50

Would a restraining order be unreasonable here?
Sounds very frightening for you.

DairyisClosed · 03/04/2018 16:52

Have you asked the police to charge him with harassment?

MadRainbow · 03/04/2018 16:53

God you are not being silly at all, it sounds terrifying and he definitely sounds like he shouldn't be living alone. Keep calling the police, you are not responsible for him and that is your only option I believe.

BMW6 · 03/04/2018 16:56

Please contact the police OP. You are being intimidated and physically threatened.

Dobbythesockelf · 03/04/2018 16:58

It's never seemed serious enough to count as harassment iyswim. He's never directly threatened me, just my cats, or a general threat to hurt his neighbours when he knows I can hear him. He shouts and swears a lot but not at people just generally. I honestly think he just needs help, he's not capable of living by himself. He refuses to answer his door to the police when they have called on him before. Our house is on the market which makes me nervous about escalating it further. I don't want him to get into loads of trouble just some sort of support or acknowledgment that he isn't coping. My aunt was schizophrenic so I know that sometimes people honestly can't see that their behaviour is abnormal.
He is convinced that there are people out to get him, he accused one neighbour of stalking him and spying on him.

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AJPTaylor · 03/04/2018 16:59

you are not over reacting or being silly. call the police every time.

ScienceIsTruth · 03/04/2018 17:01

Phone the police. You should have the right not to feel afraid in your own home.

You hear these awful stories where someone with a mental health issue is allowed to fall through the cracks and ignored, until they snap, and then it's too late.

Reiterate the threats he's made and how you don't feel safe, and remind the police of such awful tragedies that may have been avoided in the past if the people reporting it had been listened to, and the mentally ill person had been made to get the help/treatment they needed.

I'm not trying to scare you, more to point out that you're right you be worried, and that you'd actually be doing him a favour too, as he may then get the help he needs.

UpstartCrow · 03/04/2018 17:02

Yanbu or silly, keep a detailed incident diary and contact the police every time.

ScienceIsTruth · 03/04/2018 17:02

*to be worried, not you!

SofieMonde · 03/04/2018 17:10

He needs specialist help asap

Dobbythesockelf · 03/04/2018 17:11

I've contacted our local pcso and they are going to call me back to arrange a time to come round and speak to me. I've also told my dh and he is fuming that it is happening again.

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IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst · 03/04/2018 17:13

And also, as advised by our local police team, if you feel scared and need a policeman there now, call 999.

KarmaStar · 03/04/2018 18:01

Contact your social services safeguarding team and refer him as soon as you can op.
He could escalate his behaviour and become violent.
He may have stopped taking any medication he may have been described.
You need to be careful and don't open the door to him.If he is comes around and causes problems call the police.
He needs mental health assistance and hopefully he will get it once he has been brought to the relevant authorities attention.

Dobbythesockelf · 03/04/2018 18:10

How would I find out how to get in contact with the local safeguarding team?

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bluebeck · 03/04/2018 18:15

This must be awful Dobby I feel really sorry for you, and actually I also feel really sorry for this man.

From your description it's fairly clear that he has serious MH issues and isn't getting appropriate help (No fucking surprise in Tory Britain)

I agree protecting yourself and your family comes first, and police can hopefully help with this. Would it also be worth contacting local medical services to see if anyone can help? It seems ridiculous that he will probably have to hurt someone before he gets arrested and eventually gets the referral he probably needs. Flowers

Notevilstepmother · 03/04/2018 18:16

I think the pcso can help you with that.

It’s not silly. It’s frightening. I hope he gets the help he needs, and he leaves you in peace.

abigailsnan · 03/04/2018 18:20

PCSOs should have the contact number of the Safeguarding Team .

Birdsgottafly · 03/04/2018 18:27

Do what has been suggested and stop holding his Mother responsible.

She is probably on the defensive when you speak to her and is minimising it to your face, whilst not knowing what the hell to do. In her head she is just stopping him from being demonised.

if there is enough reporting it will trigger MH involvement. If you are unwilling to do what you need to, there is nowhere to go with this.

Dobbythesockelf · 03/04/2018 18:47

I have done what has been suggested numerous times.
As for his mother I know he is an adult but he has got learning difficulties, and MH problems. He hit her so she made arrangements for him to move out by herself, he now lives alone 45 mins away from his family. It's not just me that she has minimised his behaviour to, she told the police that he has never been violent. She asked us to contact her if he caused any more trouble but then refuses to engage with us when we do hence why we now go to the police. This has been going on for well over a year. She has cornered outside my house telling me that he doesn't understand and can I stop contacting the police etc. He has no support network and minimum ss involvement. I don't blame him or his mother particularly but I do think she has a responsibility to be honest about his past violence to the police when asked.

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