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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

State school next door vs Private school 45 mins away?

74 replies

ladysybilcrawley · 03/04/2018 11:51

My dd is in year 5 at the moment, so we have a little while still to think about this.

She attends a private girls' prep school, which is attached to a secondary school. This secondary is frequently ranked in the top 10-20 schools in the country for A level/GCSE results. She's very clever, and will definitely get into the secondary (as she's a junior school girl she only has to pass the exam, no interview needed). We love the school - the only issue is that it's a 45 minute coach journey away. She gets up at 6:20 to leave the house at 7:15, in order to get the school coach at 7:30. The secondary finishes at 4pm, coach leaves at 4:15, she won't be home until after 5pm, or 6:30 if she has something after school.
There are also only 2-3 other girls from our town at this school.

Our other option is a co-Ed state comprehensive, Ofsted outstanding, that is a 2 minute walk from our house. It's seen as the best school in the town, and one of the best state schools in the county. It's a church school and we are churchgoers so she's practically guaranteed a place. She could get up at 8am and be on time. She would also be home by 3:45 normally, and before 5 if she had an after school commitment. She would also have the advantage of all her friends actually living in the same town as her, so it would be far easier for her to see them.

I know we're hugely fortunate to have this choice.

Does anyone have any opinions on whether the top private school, with very long day/travelling time and less sleep, is worth it when we have an excellent state school right next to us?

OP posts:

BellBookandCandle · 03/04/2018 21:19

@drofrub - wish you had been at DD's school. The Head and SLT (with the backing of the majority of Governors) are focussing on the low/middle achievers as they have the greatest distance to travel.

Would agree that the higher achievers are becoming the under achievers due to the Head's policy.

Both sectors can have excellent results or bad results, outstanding teachers or mediocre teachers. The important thing is that the child/young adult gets the education that suits them and the opportunity to challenge themselves.

CottonSock · 03/04/2018 21:21

Sorry to be blunt, but is your issue 'More money than sense?'

Original poster

ladysybilcrawley · 03/04/2018 21:22

@EnconaHotSauce

I don't believe in God myself, but I don't see why that should affect whether my dd can go to the best school in the town that we can practically see from our house.

I've been taking her to church almost every Sunday for 5 years and she's very involved in her Sunday school group.

We haven't just done the one Sunday a fortnight for 2 years thing.

OP posts:

Original poster

ladysybilcrawley · 03/04/2018 21:24

@Aitxuri

It's not Lady Eleanor Holles, I can DM you which school it is if you'd like to know!

OP posts:

EastMidsMummy · 03/04/2018 21:34

A friend was in a similar predicament over Guildford High School until she realised GHS acheives about 95% A-A and her local outstanding comp about 35%.*

And I’m sure you pointed out to your friend that comparing the aggregated exam performance of a selective fee-paying school that creams off high-achieving, well motivated girls to the aggregated exam performance of an outstanding comprehensive that educates a whole range of abilities in the local community tells you nothing about either school’s potential for any individual child.

EastMidsMummy · 03/04/2018 21:42

Does anyone have any opinions on whether the top private school, with very long day/travelling time and less sleep, is worth it when we have an excellent state school right next to us?

The “less sleep” should actually be a huge red flag. The effects of reduced sleep on teenage development and learning are becoming clearer and clearer as more research is done.

jacks11 · 03/04/2018 21:42

Most importantly you want a school that will be a good fit for your dd. The aspects of a school that makes a good fit for her won't be the same as other children. For these reasons I would see the state school, and other local state schools, (and the secondary if you haven't yet)

Totally agree with this. What would suit one child may not suit another. I agree with the poster who said Have you actually looked at the difference in GCSE results OP? A friend was in a similar predicament over Guildford High School until she realised GHS acheives about 95% A-A and her local outstanding comp about 35%. That's a huge gulf...*

This is also true. Make sure you compare all aspects: results; soft skills; extra-curricular; university destination/job prospects. If these are all genuinely equal, or not significantly different, then it comes down to which school you prefer.

Aitxuri · 03/04/2018 21:53

EastMids - yes I totally agree, however there is a different atmosphere in a school where everyone is a so-called high-achiever and this may give extra motivation for many to do even better, whereas in another school the same pupil could pretty much cruise and manage to stay on top. If you're in a super-selective, anything less than a string of As is not really an option. There is a different perception of "normal" which, anywhere else, would be outstanding.

I only really have awareness of the London schools OP. Not many have coaches (if any)?

aquashiv · 03/04/2018 21:59

What does your dd want?

EastMidsMummy · 03/04/2018 22:08

Yes, and that hothouse environment can manifest itself as extra motivation... and as anorexia, self-harm or mental health problems.

If you're in a super-selective, anything less than a string of As is not really an option.

Is that necessarily a great atmosphere to bring a teenager up in?

CheerfulMuddler · 03/04/2018 22:19

I went to two schools when I was a teenager - one involving an hour-long commute, one ten-minutes-walk away.

I was much, much happier when I didn't have to commute.

If the state school really is as good as you say it is, I'd send her there. Having friends she can see on her own terms whenever she wants is so important when you're a teenager (though I suspect it's less important than it was when I was a kid as they do so much socialising on smartphones). And having two extra hours a day and not being exhausted will make a huge difference to her academic performance and general mental/physical health.

Aitxuri · 03/04/2018 22:22

EastMids - maybe, maybe not. It depends in the child and their family.

I went to a state school and cruised through, generally one if the top few in the class, etc - the "clever one" in the family. All fine, but I was totally unprepared for how competitive life actually is. Academic schools are far less sheltering in this respect. They give you the confidence to not be fazed by stiff competition - you expect nothing less.

Aitxuri · 04/04/2018 06:41

OP - thanks. I would be inclined to keep your DD where she is. It's a great school. I'm sure she would do very well anywhere, but that type of school gives greater exposure to opportunities - e.g. my DS is pre-GCSE at a similar school and some are going on summer school to Harvard.
Anyone in my state school who did something like that at 15 would have been seen as completely OTT.
I'm sure it's very tempting to be able to walk to school and yes, time is a gift, but your DD is used to the journey anyway. At least she's only sat on a coach and not changing buses or trains every day.

Dancingincircles · 04/04/2018 08:43

Where does your DD want to go?

AlecTrevelyan006 · 04/04/2018 08:43

Local state school

Easy decision

WhalesOfYore · 04/04/2018 09:24

The convenience issue is not negligible, but pales in comparison to the lifelong advantages conferred by attending a top-20 private school - no state school, however notionally "outstanding", will come close.

RainyApril · 04/04/2018 12:05

What advantages do they confer?

I've had four dc go through Top 20 schools and think it's smoke and mirrors. Every single advantage can be provided by motivated parents with enough spare cash.

bettytaghetti · 04/04/2018 12:11

Like Dancingincircles, I was going to ask what does your DD want to do?

mrsmuddlepies · 04/04/2018 12:25

If you are keen for her to gain access to Russell Group and Oxbridge , go for the state school. These universities are repeatedly given targets to widen access and raise the number of students from state schools. Ditto a lot of big national companies like the BBC. A bright student from a state school will find doors open more easily and she wont have to fight the prejudice that the only reason she did well is that her parents paid for private school.

EastMidsMummy · 04/04/2018 14:23

Ha! Ha! mrsmuddlepies The whole reason for targets to improve state pupils' access to elite universities is precisely because innately less competent private school children unfairly clog the system! Bright students from state schools are discriminated against, not favoured!

Excited101 · 04/04/2018 14:40

Absolutely the state school! What actual positives is the private school offering?

WhalesOfYore · 04/04/2018 15:41

The whole reason for targets to improve state pupils' access to elite universities is precisely because innately less competent private school children unfairly clog the system! Bright students from state schools are discriminated against, not favoured!

Chip, meet shoulder

pointyshoes · 04/04/2018 16:15

Definitely the state school. If she is as bright as you believe, she will do extremely well there, with the added bonus of local friends. This carries forward for years - both my state school educated DC are now finished with uni but have really benefited (and still do) from having friends within 5/10 mins walk of home. Not least, her independence will be improved because she will be able to go round to friends on her own, and won't have to rely on you for lifts etc. I moved both my DC from private preps to a well regarded state school and have no regrets. Certainly in this area the indy kids are ferried around much longer than the state educated ones, partly because they have friends who live miles away

mrsmuddlepies · 04/04/2018 16:40

As a teacher, I have had experience of Oxbridge schemes to encourage more applications from state schools.One of the problems is the status of Classics as a subject. The majority of classic places at Oxbridge colleges (of which there are a disproportionate number of places)go to private school students which skews the overall percentage of independent versus state. I know a college which offered a place on their classics course based on a state school student doing an extra curricular GCSE in Latin.They promised all kinds of summer school catch ups.In the end he turned it down.
'The more niche subjects such as Classics are typically dominated by private school applicants, since they courses are rarely taught in state local authority schools.'

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